Zufällig Article: Stupid Attorney Lines =D

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posted by pollyloveshouse

This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D

"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually sagte in court, word for word, taken down and published Von court reporters. Just goes to Zeigen how bad the law profession has gotten.

ATTORNEY: Are Du sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were Du in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: Du forget? Can Du give us an example of something Du forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband sagte to Du that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do Du know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: Du do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the Weiter morning?
WITNESS: Did Du actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were Du present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are Du shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the datum of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were Du doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are Du for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: Von death.
ATTORNEY: And Von whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do Du suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can Du describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male oder a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have Du performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would Du like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did Du go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do Du recall the time that Du examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the tabelle wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are Du qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are Du qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before Du performed the autopsy, did Du check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did Du check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did Du check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when Du began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can Du be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my schreibtisch in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."

DramaQueen1020, blackpanther666 and 37 others like this

Chandlerfan LOL! I remember getting this one too quite a while back! XDD

claire-aka-bob rofl!!!! i love this! :P ♥

DoctorSpud LOL!!!!!!! This is so funny! I can't believe some of these are real!!!

hm94991 haha! this is great. *props*

stapleface LOLLLLLL.

geekmeister34 that was funny!!!!!!!!

Chrisztine lmao! oh myg od this is funny! I can't believe people are actually stupid enough to ask these types of questions =P.

luvmurtagh33 LOL!!

luvmurtagh33 i luv the last one

iemand OMG!!!! i have tears from laughing!!!!!! LMFAO!!!! xD

green6244 SO FUNNY!

larouxbestfan HAHAHA funny!

mrsspencereid Wow... These people are stuupid.

1

Mercy

added by Seanthehedgehog

Source: Blizzard

2

Liebe Hina Keitaro Urashima spanking Sarah McDougal

added by NagisaFurukawa-

Lolita Candids

added by 8theGreat

IU Black Dress

added by ace2000

Supernoobs Crossover

added by TheLastGoodbye

Source: Base belongs to inkheart7 on dA.

-1

BlindMaiden.com - Creepypasta

posted by slenderman777

There is a website that offers its users the choice to experience the "ultimate horror." This website, called Blindmaiden.com, is supposedly a site dedicated to a doomed spirit that will enter the Home of people who have viewed that site.

However, no matter how hard Du try, your browser won't allow Du to enter the site. Du see, to access this site, Du must wait until exactly 12:00 AM, making sure that the night in Frage is a New Moon night. Du must be on your own in your Home with all the lights turned off. Only when these conditions are met, will Du be granted access to the site.

As...

3

100 things all men should know about women

posted by karlialtman

1. We’re judging your outfit at all times.

2. We like to be called pretty often. Tell it to us oder someone else will.

3. We hündin about EVERYTHING. Let us rant for a little while.

4. If Du won't hold our hands in public, forget us blowing Du in private.

5. There can never be too much spooning. Bitches Liebe Cuddling.

6. There's nothing we like Mehr than Du hugging us from behind and whispering something in our ear.

7. Foreplay is not an option….. it's a prerequisite.

8. OPEN THE DOOR FOR US.

9. Make us feel like the only girl in the room, no matter where we are.

10. Please us in bed, oder your...

Reverse thinspo

added by loonybug

Source: tumblr

cute guy pied 3

added by aromate

3

Gateway to Heaven - Tianmen Cave, China

posted by Nein-Nein

Awesome

Tianmen Cave known as Gateway to Heaven is a natural bridge/arch and is reportedly highest elevation (1520 meters) natural arch in the World. Although it is an arch but locals call it a cave. As per local history it used to be cave and in circa 263 there was a massive collapse of the cliff face, which changed the cave into an arch. At that time the mountain was called Songliang, which was then changed to Tianmen meaning sacred.

It is 131.5 meters high, 57 meters wide and 60 meters deep. It is located close to Zhangjiajie city in western Hunan Province, China and is part of Wulingyuan Scenic Area - a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

One has to climb 999 steps to reach the top.

The whole area is very scenic and was not easily accessible. However Tianmen Mountain Cableway - reportedly the longest passenger cableway in the World with a length of 7200 meters and a height gap of 1277 meters, now brings thousands of tourists to this natural wonder.

One has to climb 999 steps to reach the oben, nach oben

One has to climb 999 steps to reach the top

STUNT BY U.S.S.R JET FIGHTERS

Glass path(4,700ft above sea level)

Tianmen Mountain Cableway

6

IF 4KIDS GOT Hetalia

posted by Me_Iz_Here

1) Scenes with swearing will be removed

2) All nudity scenes of France will also be removed

3) Japan is too "japanese" so 4Kids gives him blonde hair and blue eyes

4) All mentions of WW1 and WW2 will be removed

5) England's eyebrows will be too scary for little kids, so we give him thin eyebrows instead

6) All the Voice Actors will be American, and there will be no accents

7) Blood will be removed

8) Poland is actually a girl

9) Russia is removed because 4Kids are afraid of Russians (or anything that's foreign)

10) Prussia isn't a real country! So we'll remove him!

11) Neither is Sealand, so he is removed...

8

101 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate!!!

posted by evangelinetom

101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that Du are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bett holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say Du know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors Von your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as Du can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...

6

It'd be nice to be skinny

posted by energizerbunny

No stretch marks, no worrying about your diet, Du can get on every ride in carowinds, and other amusement parks

If Du wanna gain a little weight all Du have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!

No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks Du what your size is oder how much Du weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror

I mean when Du think of women Du think of Petite. Right??

I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol

2

A Review for INVADER ZIM Von Johnen Vasquez

posted by thetacoman

Some people may ask, "Why Invader Zim first?" I say SCREW IT, ILL DO WHAT I WANT! In any case, the Zeigen is one of my favorites. It represents a better time for Nick. Better shows, better actors, better Nick. Altough this is a time since past, Nicktoons has made the GENIUS(sp?) decision to bring it back.
If Du look at the definition of Invader Zim on Wikipedia(again, sp?), it says that IZ employs a comedy style called "black comedy". Basically, this means that IZ uses dark methods of humor, such as the gluttonus "Bloaty the pizza Hog", oder perhaps just the dark scenery in IZ (it gives a very...

5

Chuck Norris Jokes (when I say that I mean facts)

posted by Invader-Tak

(CREATED Von RAE RI, NOT ME)

Chuck Norris can make onions cry.

Chuck Norris can Löschen the Recycling Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused Von Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can strangle Du with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris once had a herz attack; his herz lost.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)

8

123 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse oder Generally Scare Lord Voldemort

posted by emmett

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up Von Singen strand Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say Du taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10....

14

123 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse oder Generally Scare Lord Voldemort

posted by xneville_rocksx

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up Von Singen strand Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say Du taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10....

Code Lyoko

added by Mollymolata

2

Alice in Wonderland (1951)

added by 3xZ

5

Emo Zitate and sayings

posted by invadercalliope

Hi i'm Invader Calliope!
1.I cry for the time that Du were almost mine, I cry for the memories i've left behind,I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new,i cry for the times i thought i had you.
2.Not all scars show, not all wounds heal sometimes Du can't always see the pain someone feels
3.One Tag you'll ask me, "which is Mehr important to you, me oder your life" i'll say "My Life" and you'll go and leave me without knowing Du are my life.
4.A breakup is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.
5.if your Liebe does NOT work for that person,...