This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D

"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually sagte in court, word for word, taken down and published Von court reporters. Just goes to Zeigen how bad the law profession has gotten.


ATTORNEY: Are Du sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were Du in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: Du forget? Can Du give us an example of something Du forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband sagte to Du that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do Du know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: Du do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the Weiter morning?
WITNESS: Did Du actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were Du present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are Du shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the datum of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were Du doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are Du for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: Von death.
ATTORNEY: And Von whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do Du suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can Du describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male oder a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have Du performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would Du like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did Du go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do Du recall the time that Du examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the tabelle wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are Du qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are Du qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before Du performed the autopsy, did Du check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did Du check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did Du check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when Du began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can Du be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my schreibtisch in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."