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posted by x-menobsessed26
Application For Permission To datum My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied Von a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical Berichten from your physician.


Name:
datum of Birth:
Height:
Weight:
IQ:
GPA:
Social Security Number:
Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:
Telephone:
Home Address:
City:
State:
Zip:



Do Du have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:



Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers oder sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____


Do Du own oder have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____


Do Du have an earring, nose ring, oder belly button ring? ____


Do Du have a tattoo? ____

If Du have answered YES to #3, #4 oder #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.


In fifty words oder less, what does Late mean to you?





In fifty words oder less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?





In fifty words oder less, what does Abstinence mean to you?





In fifty words oder less, what does Real Pain mean to you?





Church/Temple Du attend: ____________________________

How often do Du attend: ____________________________


When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________



Please fill in the blanks:


If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________


If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________


A woman's place is in the ____________________________


The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________


When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" oder "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised





What do Du want to be if Du grow up?





I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture oder mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________



Thank Du for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. Du will be contacted in Schreiben if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
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posted by haliethefangirl
Things I’ve learned from watching horror movies
 

• I learned that if the house Du are living in tells Du to “GO AWAY,” do it. Now.
• If you’re a virgin, stay that way.
• If a killer with a messer is chasing Du around the house, do NOT go upstairs. Go out the front door, Du idiot!
• For God’s sake, turn on the lights.
• Never teilt, split up.
• Never stoop over to see if the killer is dead. He’s not.
• Never get naked in front of a window.
• Avoid the following geographical locations: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, many islands, lover’s lanes, most secluded...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. Stick your palm open under the stall Wand and ask your
neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 Sekunden and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large...
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powerful
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added by 0YouCanFly0
posted by Dreamtime
when Du feel the dream is over...

feel the world is on your shoulders

and Du Lost the strength to carry on....~

even though the walls may crumble

and Du find Du always stumble through
remember never to surrender to the dark

Cuz if Du turn another page
you will see that’s not the way
the story has to end
~
and if Du need to find a way back
feel you’re on the wrong track
give it time, you’ll learn to fly

tomorrow is a new day
and Du will find your own way :)

you’ll be stronger with each Tag that Du cry
then you’ll learn to fly ~~

in your head, so many questions?...
the truth is your possession...
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This is just too funny! XD
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