oh, crap

Dumping this here because I don't know where else to put it. If there's any club I can post this to, please name it in the comments. I want to make sure I get this out.

Am I the only who finds the whole TL;DR thing incredibly annoying and useless? I mean, who reads a long post that a person had poured their blood, sweat & tears into, and says "Oh, that was too long, I didn't read it." who the hell does that? In my opinion, it makes Du look illiterate and lazy. If Du want people to have time in their lives to read something Du posted, Du don't do something Du know Du would hate. To...

1. When Du get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du wanted to race. 

3. When he talks to you, pretend Du are deaf. 

4. If he asks if Du knew how fast Du were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...... 

5. Ask if Du can see his gun. 

6. When he says Du aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger. 

7. Touch him. 

8. When he asks why Du were speeding, tell him Du had to buy a hat. 

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 

10. Refer to him Von his first name. 

11. Pretend you...

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on the back of your knuckles permed.

8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. (Also repeat using Squirty Cheese, A feuer Extinguisher oder Mace if desired.)

6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

4. Hand...

Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in Liebe with you. Boy: Ok... Girl: What do Du mean "ok"? Boy: I don't like Du like that... Girl: Why not? Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time... From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?" whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of "I'll tell Du later. Finally the girl got fed up. Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why Du don't like me! Boy: Do Du really wanna know why? Girl: Yes! Boy: It's because you're uglier than freaking crap! What's the point of going out with someone when they're not pretty?!...