1. NAMES:
• If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
• If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
• When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
• When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS:
• A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS:
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS:
• Women Liebe cats.
• Men say they Liebe cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE:
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS:
• A successful man is one who makes Mehr money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE:
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
• A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL:
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING:
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, Favorit foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. FINAL THOUGHT:
• Any married man should forget his mistakes.
• There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
• If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
• If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
• When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
• When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS:
• A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS:
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS:
• Women Liebe cats.
• Men say they Liebe cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE:
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS:
• A successful man is one who makes Mehr money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE:
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
• A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL:
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING:
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, Favorit foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. FINAL THOUGHT:
• Any married man should forget his mistakes.
• There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
