So when it comes to buying physical copies of PS2 games, there’s always one issue that stems from it. That being the case of some games can be brutally expensive. Like I was hoping to buy a copy of Rule of Rose for the PS2 because I heard it was one of the most painful games to play with one of the best stories ever written. That was until I found out that the going price regularly is six hundred USD. So, yeah, no fucking thank you. I like to live in a house and eat food. But of course, Rule of Rose was far from the only game to do this. And with some games I wanted to buy on the PS2 like Chulip, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence and so many others, I decided to just say fuck it and bought myself a PS3. It would be Mehr financially sound to just purchase a $130 console with very few games on them then to buy a $300 game. Now that’s not to say I’m retiring the old PS2 slim I have. We’ll get back to good PS2 games soon. Games like… uh… Aeon Flux, based on the movie. But for today, we’re talking about one of the most hard to find games on the PS2, only $10 on the PS3. It was a game that reviewed poorly, sold poorly, killed it’s studio, but lives on as a cult classic and the stepping stone for many creative IPs to come. That’s right, it’s motherfucking God Hand!
God Hand is a strange little title. It was made Von Clover Studios, a game studio and subsidiary to Capcom, the studio that makes straße Fighter, Resident Evil, Devil May Cry, Mega Man, and so many more, for those who continue to live under the biggest rock ever. Clover Studios was headed Von Hideki Kamiya after his successful work on the first Devil May Cry game where he got to work on Viewtiful Joe, a pretty beliebt game, and Okami, his dream game, which was not as beliebt but was still a gorgeous game that holds up even now. After the Capcom Five that was spearheaded Von Shinji Mikami, director of the Resident Evil games, and after a big failure that was, Mikami decided to go to Clover to make the dumbest, weirdest and most insane game that he could before he would make Vanquish a few years later. That game was God Hand. Mikami and Clover had a vision to make a combat system that was unlike anything else at time, using a third person tank control style similar to Resident Evil 4 and would put the characters of God Hand on the map. What ended up happening was the infamous IGN review score where they gave the game a 3 outta 10, calling the game too difficult and far too strange to get into, sales for the game were some of the worst in the history of Capcom, and with management shutting down Clover Studios and Kamiya and Mikami, feeling that their creativity was being squandered due to the pisspoor management at the time, left Capcom along with other figures of the industry and went on to work at Platinum Games, where they went on to make Bayonetta, Mad World, Metal Gear Rising, and Wonderful 101 and the rest is history. But what was the fate of God Hand? Well, it remains as that weird footnote in Capcom’s history to critics, with Capcom not really doing much with God Hand. The most that was done, outside of a PS3 port, was the main character was considered a spot in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, but was replaced with Amaterasu from Okami. That said, God Hand has lived on as a huge cult following online, with Fans quoting it regularly, begging Capcom to give the game a Sekunde chance when we all know that really won’t happen. Does this game deserve to be forgotten Von time oder did it deserve Mehr love? All these Fragen will be answered… now. Yes!
God Hand takes place in a strange sort of Fist of the North Star-esque world where demons disguised as humans in the weirdest fashion have taken over the world, terrorizing humans for fun and just making their lives miserable, be it poisoning them oder drowning them for laughs oder making them work as slaves. Meanwhile, Gene, who has a mysterious power of a God Hand within his right arm, is able to defeat the demons and try to collect the Devil Hand, along with his ball busting cohort, Olivia. So first things first, this world is fucking weird. Like really weird. A Saturday morning cartoon with villains that are evil for the sake of being evil, Heroes with cheesy one liners, strange sense of humor and slapstick all across the board, featuring an insane Liste of combos and special moves that are called out over a surfer rock soundtrack. Bosses consisting of giant Mexican demons, a nympho, Vergil wannabes, a wrestling gorilla, gay people, a British rock band with a beat boxing butler, kreuz dimensional samurai, Arnold Schwarzenegger is there for some reason, chihuahuas, five aggressive midget sentai heroes, short hair girls. Who the fuck made this mess of a game? Me? Well, no, as stated, it was Mikami. Believe it oder not, Mikami does not care about story in his games. I know, shocker. Resident Evil was such a well written game. Look, I’m gonna be real with Du all, nobody plays Resident Evil for the story. If Du do, you’re playing it wrong. People play Resident Evil for the horror gameplay, having to decide in the moment what Du want to do, if Du want to use a grenade on a gaggle of villagers, oder stun one to do a kick to hit them all, oder just shotgun them. Du don’t know what’s up ahead, and Du wanna be ready. Resident Evil is about the gameplay and deciding on the fly what to do. And trust me, God Hand is not a game with a great story. Fun characters and silly concepts that legit make me laugh, but a good story? Fuck no. I don’t even think there is much of a story outside of “demon bad. Fist her, mister.” Even the dialogue is all over the place a lot of the time in these cutscenes and feels like characters are having two different conversations. But there are moments that get me laughing. Like how everyone treats this game like some sort of stage act. Gene trying to act cool in the face of utter madness. Even how the characters try to be cool but fuck it up so fast, along with the utter madness. The game is so crazy that I end up laughing with God Hand rather than at it. But the comedy isn’t all Gold though. There are elements of…. The 2000s in this game. Complete with sexualization of female characters like every fighting game was doing at the time, and… very stereotypical depictions of gay men down to mocking if they have no balls. It’s uh… definitely of the time. I can’t exactly fault the game of a style that was common in that Tag and age, even if it is in poor taste nowadays. But everyone has their own filter and I won’t judge your thoughts on it. Everyone has their own and… I call myself an autistic faggot, Du think I got a limit? But enough about talking about the shit tier to god tier Schreiben and humor. Du all know what I want!
But before we get into the meat and potatoes, God, this world is ugly. Like, not the graphics, because the character Models are alright for late PS2 standards. It’s the level design. Like there’s a clear crust to all the buildings and the overworlds, especially with the layouts being really weird mazes oder straight lines, skys having crazy obvious Jpegs as a background, and even the walls clip through. Like these are some fuck ugly levels. But the absurdity of them manages to hold back and make me forget that. Like the western town is one thing, but then Du go to a carnival then Du just straight up go to Italy with a giant demon temple in the middle. Like I thought this was a horrid Fist of the North star, sterne planet with no water, and yet I can see the Venice lake and Du even ride a boot through it. So yeah, weirdo level designs, just wanted to bring that up. Now we can talk about the big thing.
So the game has this sort of over the shoulder Resident Evil 4 style of things, with a quick turn and some tank control method, as in Du Bewegen vorwärts-, nach vorn and control Gene in this odd manner like Leon in RE4. Now for a character action game, this sounds like a fucking nightmare. But when all fights are up close and personal, it actually manages to work. Especially when we get into it. That’s right son, God Hand has got them all. We got combos, we got juggles, stuns, taunts, grovels, level ups, level downs, Roulette moves for extra strategy, a special Bewegen to save your arsch from becoming grass. Pummels, Stingers, Stomps, kobra, cobra Twists, S-Spankings… sure. This game has it all, man, and it comes in a plethora of ways. What looks to be a confusing mess that punishes Du for not learning is actually one of the deepest combat systems of its time, that will punish Du for not learning. In God Hand, Du got a menu of moves, a huge fucking list, and while some will obviously be better than others in strength, Du do not wanna put on all the strength moves. While they do hit hard if they can hit, Du gotta think about your animations. If Du are doing an animation, the enemy will not wait. They will hit Du during your wind up, probably combo Du even, and Du have no chance of hitting them. God Hand is all about finding the right startup to your combo list, setting it up accordingly, and making it a combo string that satisfies your needs. With the Liste of moves and how Du can manage all of it, it is impossible for Du to have the same build as I did playing this game. I went for a build that was all about closing the gaps in my Animation and keeping a combo going. It was the slower option, but when I was juggling an enemy in the air with a maultier Kick and then performing Stinging Bee, Floating Butterfly, Elbow Spin 3 and Elbow Vortex, among other moves, all within a corner combo on a really difficult opponent while they were getting angry with me, it was super satisfying.
Even the dodges have depth to them. Ever one of these character action games has a fun set of dodges and they reward Du for a good dodge. But God Hand, your reward is Du didn’t get hit. Good job. Now Du better not fuck it up. Du get three kinds of dodges. Backflip is for beginners like me. It’s good to get out of a pinch, but is the least rewarding, kills your momentum of the combo, and can still mess Du up if timed wrong. The sidestep is much quicker than the backflip, but Du will still get hit if the enemy does a horizontal move. And my favorite, the juking. This keeps Du in place, and while it is the Mehr dangerous option, offers the best rewards. Enemies can still hit Du with grabs, vertical slashes oder low attacks, but if Du can juke their combos, Du are gegeben a free counter. Counter that does way Mehr damage. And when Du do good enough, Du have the chance to raise the level up. Resident Evil 4 did this in a subtle manner. The better Du did at the game, the Mehr difficult it got and threw Mehr enemies at you. But the Mehr Du died at one spot, it would lessen it for Du and take some enemies away to give Du breathing room. God Hand takes that and makes it a full on feature. The better Du do, Du will increase in level. What this means, though, is that Du will face enemies with stronger AI and Mehr moves, and Mehr enemies. Thats right, one of the hardest games on the PS2 gets even harder the better Du do. But it’s not without its benefits, as Du can get way Mehr rewards in cash and items Von doing this. Items that Du will want for health, increasing your special moves and such. Du want to fuck with the best of them? Earn it, pussy! And that doesn’t even include the assortment of times it will throw demons at Du in the middle of a fight. When an enemy goes down, there is always the chance, and a very high chance, they will turn into a demon. They are stronger, faster, and are super ready to kill you. Du gotta be ready for them, because they will chase Du down. But beat them and Du will unlock a free new Bewegen from them, oder a lot of money. It’s always a good idea to face them. Or, ya know, pop a Roulette oder God Hand move.
Now I’ve been saying Roulette a lot. What is that? Well, throughout the game, Du will collect special moves to use on enemies.You have orbs that start at three, but increase as the game goes on. And yes, even these have strategies to them. Sure, Du could use Dragon Kick and instant kill one enemy. But why not bunch them all together and kill two oder three, oder at least do some free damage to another? Why not use Chain Yanker. It’s a weak attack, but it pulls enemies toward you, including bosses, and it stuns them, giving Du a chance for a free suplex oder a free pummell. Even the Ball Buster, a basic arsch Bewegen is really good, as Du can juggle an enemy as high as an elite enemy oder even a boss, combo them until they get angry and break from it, go into Ball Buster into suplex into stomp for major damage. And it even has an Animation where it doesn’t work on women. If Du use Ball Buster on them, it does not work and Du just wasted a Roulette move. This is a game that puts a lot of attention to detail in the moves and both punishes players that refuse to learn and rewards players that pay attention. Even when the game is ballbusting hard, it is also forgiving with the level of checkpoints it has, even giving Du a free full heal if Du die. And speaking of forgiving, when Du pop the God Hand, Du get a free set of combos and are invincible throughout. While I think it does mess with the flow, as well as fuck my thumb up, I’ll take it. This game is hard, and when I need to get saved from a beating, this is it. But seriously, with the amount of mashing Du will be doing in this game, Du better be ready. Gungrave and Drakengard did not make me mash as hard as God Hand did. This game will put Du and your thumbs to the ultimate test. And once again, Masafumi Takada is rocking the soundtrack of this game. Du know him as the guy who does the Musik for No Mehr Heroes, Killer7, the Danganronpa games, and does arrangements for Musik in Smash Brawl, Wii U, and Ultimate. So yeah, this guy fucks when it comes to a soundtrack. And God Hand? God Hand fucks hard!
But when you're not getting absolutely fucked up in the game, there’s always chill time in between levels. Du can go to the Shop to pick up new moves to add to Gene’s arsenal and improve your combo list. Du can purchase upgrades for your health and God gauge. Du can practice your new moves on the training dummy, Du can participate in the fighting arena for big amounts of money. Du can gamble at the casino with black jack and poker. And Du can even bet on chihuahua racing. Du always wanna bet on Lucky Clover. That dog won’t win all the time, but Du only lose $1000 and always win Mehr than Du lose, at least from what I saw when I was playing the game. Also the names of these dogs. Such classic names as Amaterasu, Viewtiful Pup, Mikami’s Head, Chuck’s Beard, Mehr Cowbell, Boom Headshot, Fission Mailed, a Metal Gear Solid reference. Lots of old school memes. Like who here remembers that Mehr cowbell gag from Saturday Night Live, oder when Chuck Norris memes were fucking everywhere. But one that really took me Von surprise was 37 in a Row. That’s a fucking Clerks reference! This game has an abundance of references and influences, even outside of Capcom. It even helped improve upon the taunt system that would later be used in Bayonetta. God Hand may be hated and forgotten Von critics and even Capcom, but Mikami and Kamiya clearly have a fondness for this game that no one else does.
God Hand is a damn fun time, I really don’t know what Mehr I can say. Throughout the madness, I managed to enjoy it like a kid watching Power Rangers oder some shit. I had fun busting my arsch trying to learn the combos and mastering the game on Normal mode. I have heard there is a Kick Me mode where Du wear a Kick Me sign on your back, and if Du pop your God Hand, it goes away. And I have heard some people have even done it on Hard Mode. I want to point out that I have gotten kicked in the balls so hard that my right testicle inflated and was purple. It was impossible to walk without being in total agony. I tell Du this graphic tale because I imagine that kind of pain doesn’t even compare to a Kick Me Run on Hard Mode. No fucking thanks. So yeah, God Hand. It’s fucking good. Will it ever come back? I doubt it. This game is too difficult, too cheap, and way too fucking weird for casual audiences to be up for it. This game was doomed to a niche market from Tag one. Devil May Cry only got lucky because it had style and Bayonetta is fondly known because it has class. God Hand is jank and madness. But it’s fucking great. Devil May Cry is a neato old school speiselokal, diner and Bayonetta is a fine dining establishment. God Hand is the fucking nasty fast Essen restaurant that Du keep coming back to because the fries are good. And hey. A bag of fries ain’t nothing to scoff at. This analogy is terrible, but Du get the point. God Hand is all that.
Award: Hidden Gem. The fact that not a lot Mehr people know of this game is kind of a crime, but hey, that’s the price Du pay when Du want to be weird and niche. But a niche find that was super worth it. If Du are up for the challenge, the insanity, and just the insgesamt fun, go for it.
God Hand is a strange little title. It was made Von Clover Studios, a game studio and subsidiary to Capcom, the studio that makes straße Fighter, Resident Evil, Devil May Cry, Mega Man, and so many more, for those who continue to live under the biggest rock ever. Clover Studios was headed Von Hideki Kamiya after his successful work on the first Devil May Cry game where he got to work on Viewtiful Joe, a pretty beliebt game, and Okami, his dream game, which was not as beliebt but was still a gorgeous game that holds up even now. After the Capcom Five that was spearheaded Von Shinji Mikami, director of the Resident Evil games, and after a big failure that was, Mikami decided to go to Clover to make the dumbest, weirdest and most insane game that he could before he would make Vanquish a few years later. That game was God Hand. Mikami and Clover had a vision to make a combat system that was unlike anything else at time, using a third person tank control style similar to Resident Evil 4 and would put the characters of God Hand on the map. What ended up happening was the infamous IGN review score where they gave the game a 3 outta 10, calling the game too difficult and far too strange to get into, sales for the game were some of the worst in the history of Capcom, and with management shutting down Clover Studios and Kamiya and Mikami, feeling that their creativity was being squandered due to the pisspoor management at the time, left Capcom along with other figures of the industry and went on to work at Platinum Games, where they went on to make Bayonetta, Mad World, Metal Gear Rising, and Wonderful 101 and the rest is history. But what was the fate of God Hand? Well, it remains as that weird footnote in Capcom’s history to critics, with Capcom not really doing much with God Hand. The most that was done, outside of a PS3 port, was the main character was considered a spot in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, but was replaced with Amaterasu from Okami. That said, God Hand has lived on as a huge cult following online, with Fans quoting it regularly, begging Capcom to give the game a Sekunde chance when we all know that really won’t happen. Does this game deserve to be forgotten Von time oder did it deserve Mehr love? All these Fragen will be answered… now. Yes!
God Hand takes place in a strange sort of Fist of the North Star-esque world where demons disguised as humans in the weirdest fashion have taken over the world, terrorizing humans for fun and just making their lives miserable, be it poisoning them oder drowning them for laughs oder making them work as slaves. Meanwhile, Gene, who has a mysterious power of a God Hand within his right arm, is able to defeat the demons and try to collect the Devil Hand, along with his ball busting cohort, Olivia. So first things first, this world is fucking weird. Like really weird. A Saturday morning cartoon with villains that are evil for the sake of being evil, Heroes with cheesy one liners, strange sense of humor and slapstick all across the board, featuring an insane Liste of combos and special moves that are called out over a surfer rock soundtrack. Bosses consisting of giant Mexican demons, a nympho, Vergil wannabes, a wrestling gorilla, gay people, a British rock band with a beat boxing butler, kreuz dimensional samurai, Arnold Schwarzenegger is there for some reason, chihuahuas, five aggressive midget sentai heroes, short hair girls. Who the fuck made this mess of a game? Me? Well, no, as stated, it was Mikami. Believe it oder not, Mikami does not care about story in his games. I know, shocker. Resident Evil was such a well written game. Look, I’m gonna be real with Du all, nobody plays Resident Evil for the story. If Du do, you’re playing it wrong. People play Resident Evil for the horror gameplay, having to decide in the moment what Du want to do, if Du want to use a grenade on a gaggle of villagers, oder stun one to do a kick to hit them all, oder just shotgun them. Du don’t know what’s up ahead, and Du wanna be ready. Resident Evil is about the gameplay and deciding on the fly what to do. And trust me, God Hand is not a game with a great story. Fun characters and silly concepts that legit make me laugh, but a good story? Fuck no. I don’t even think there is much of a story outside of “demon bad. Fist her, mister.” Even the dialogue is all over the place a lot of the time in these cutscenes and feels like characters are having two different conversations. But there are moments that get me laughing. Like how everyone treats this game like some sort of stage act. Gene trying to act cool in the face of utter madness. Even how the characters try to be cool but fuck it up so fast, along with the utter madness. The game is so crazy that I end up laughing with God Hand rather than at it. But the comedy isn’t all Gold though. There are elements of…. The 2000s in this game. Complete with sexualization of female characters like every fighting game was doing at the time, and… very stereotypical depictions of gay men down to mocking if they have no balls. It’s uh… definitely of the time. I can’t exactly fault the game of a style that was common in that Tag and age, even if it is in poor taste nowadays. But everyone has their own filter and I won’t judge your thoughts on it. Everyone has their own and… I call myself an autistic faggot, Du think I got a limit? But enough about talking about the shit tier to god tier Schreiben and humor. Du all know what I want!
But before we get into the meat and potatoes, God, this world is ugly. Like, not the graphics, because the character Models are alright for late PS2 standards. It’s the level design. Like there’s a clear crust to all the buildings and the overworlds, especially with the layouts being really weird mazes oder straight lines, skys having crazy obvious Jpegs as a background, and even the walls clip through. Like these are some fuck ugly levels. But the absurdity of them manages to hold back and make me forget that. Like the western town is one thing, but then Du go to a carnival then Du just straight up go to Italy with a giant demon temple in the middle. Like I thought this was a horrid Fist of the North star, sterne planet with no water, and yet I can see the Venice lake and Du even ride a boot through it. So yeah, weirdo level designs, just wanted to bring that up. Now we can talk about the big thing.
So the game has this sort of over the shoulder Resident Evil 4 style of things, with a quick turn and some tank control method, as in Du Bewegen vorwärts-, nach vorn and control Gene in this odd manner like Leon in RE4. Now for a character action game, this sounds like a fucking nightmare. But when all fights are up close and personal, it actually manages to work. Especially when we get into it. That’s right son, God Hand has got them all. We got combos, we got juggles, stuns, taunts, grovels, level ups, level downs, Roulette moves for extra strategy, a special Bewegen to save your arsch from becoming grass. Pummels, Stingers, Stomps, kobra, cobra Twists, S-Spankings… sure. This game has it all, man, and it comes in a plethora of ways. What looks to be a confusing mess that punishes Du for not learning is actually one of the deepest combat systems of its time, that will punish Du for not learning. In God Hand, Du got a menu of moves, a huge fucking list, and while some will obviously be better than others in strength, Du do not wanna put on all the strength moves. While they do hit hard if they can hit, Du gotta think about your animations. If Du are doing an animation, the enemy will not wait. They will hit Du during your wind up, probably combo Du even, and Du have no chance of hitting them. God Hand is all about finding the right startup to your combo list, setting it up accordingly, and making it a combo string that satisfies your needs. With the Liste of moves and how Du can manage all of it, it is impossible for Du to have the same build as I did playing this game. I went for a build that was all about closing the gaps in my Animation and keeping a combo going. It was the slower option, but when I was juggling an enemy in the air with a maultier Kick and then performing Stinging Bee, Floating Butterfly, Elbow Spin 3 and Elbow Vortex, among other moves, all within a corner combo on a really difficult opponent while they were getting angry with me, it was super satisfying.
Even the dodges have depth to them. Ever one of these character action games has a fun set of dodges and they reward Du for a good dodge. But God Hand, your reward is Du didn’t get hit. Good job. Now Du better not fuck it up. Du get three kinds of dodges. Backflip is for beginners like me. It’s good to get out of a pinch, but is the least rewarding, kills your momentum of the combo, and can still mess Du up if timed wrong. The sidestep is much quicker than the backflip, but Du will still get hit if the enemy does a horizontal move. And my favorite, the juking. This keeps Du in place, and while it is the Mehr dangerous option, offers the best rewards. Enemies can still hit Du with grabs, vertical slashes oder low attacks, but if Du can juke their combos, Du are gegeben a free counter. Counter that does way Mehr damage. And when Du do good enough, Du have the chance to raise the level up. Resident Evil 4 did this in a subtle manner. The better Du did at the game, the Mehr difficult it got and threw Mehr enemies at you. But the Mehr Du died at one spot, it would lessen it for Du and take some enemies away to give Du breathing room. God Hand takes that and makes it a full on feature. The better Du do, Du will increase in level. What this means, though, is that Du will face enemies with stronger AI and Mehr moves, and Mehr enemies. Thats right, one of the hardest games on the PS2 gets even harder the better Du do. But it’s not without its benefits, as Du can get way Mehr rewards in cash and items Von doing this. Items that Du will want for health, increasing your special moves and such. Du want to fuck with the best of them? Earn it, pussy! And that doesn’t even include the assortment of times it will throw demons at Du in the middle of a fight. When an enemy goes down, there is always the chance, and a very high chance, they will turn into a demon. They are stronger, faster, and are super ready to kill you. Du gotta be ready for them, because they will chase Du down. But beat them and Du will unlock a free new Bewegen from them, oder a lot of money. It’s always a good idea to face them. Or, ya know, pop a Roulette oder God Hand move.
Now I’ve been saying Roulette a lot. What is that? Well, throughout the game, Du will collect special moves to use on enemies.You have orbs that start at three, but increase as the game goes on. And yes, even these have strategies to them. Sure, Du could use Dragon Kick and instant kill one enemy. But why not bunch them all together and kill two oder three, oder at least do some free damage to another? Why not use Chain Yanker. It’s a weak attack, but it pulls enemies toward you, including bosses, and it stuns them, giving Du a chance for a free suplex oder a free pummell. Even the Ball Buster, a basic arsch Bewegen is really good, as Du can juggle an enemy as high as an elite enemy oder even a boss, combo them until they get angry and break from it, go into Ball Buster into suplex into stomp for major damage. And it even has an Animation where it doesn’t work on women. If Du use Ball Buster on them, it does not work and Du just wasted a Roulette move. This is a game that puts a lot of attention to detail in the moves and both punishes players that refuse to learn and rewards players that pay attention. Even when the game is ballbusting hard, it is also forgiving with the level of checkpoints it has, even giving Du a free full heal if Du die. And speaking of forgiving, when Du pop the God Hand, Du get a free set of combos and are invincible throughout. While I think it does mess with the flow, as well as fuck my thumb up, I’ll take it. This game is hard, and when I need to get saved from a beating, this is it. But seriously, with the amount of mashing Du will be doing in this game, Du better be ready. Gungrave and Drakengard did not make me mash as hard as God Hand did. This game will put Du and your thumbs to the ultimate test. And once again, Masafumi Takada is rocking the soundtrack of this game. Du know him as the guy who does the Musik for No Mehr Heroes, Killer7, the Danganronpa games, and does arrangements for Musik in Smash Brawl, Wii U, and Ultimate. So yeah, this guy fucks when it comes to a soundtrack. And God Hand? God Hand fucks hard!
But when you're not getting absolutely fucked up in the game, there’s always chill time in between levels. Du can go to the Shop to pick up new moves to add to Gene’s arsenal and improve your combo list. Du can purchase upgrades for your health and God gauge. Du can practice your new moves on the training dummy, Du can participate in the fighting arena for big amounts of money. Du can gamble at the casino with black jack and poker. And Du can even bet on chihuahua racing. Du always wanna bet on Lucky Clover. That dog won’t win all the time, but Du only lose $1000 and always win Mehr than Du lose, at least from what I saw when I was playing the game. Also the names of these dogs. Such classic names as Amaterasu, Viewtiful Pup, Mikami’s Head, Chuck’s Beard, Mehr Cowbell, Boom Headshot, Fission Mailed, a Metal Gear Solid reference. Lots of old school memes. Like who here remembers that Mehr cowbell gag from Saturday Night Live, oder when Chuck Norris memes were fucking everywhere. But one that really took me Von surprise was 37 in a Row. That’s a fucking Clerks reference! This game has an abundance of references and influences, even outside of Capcom. It even helped improve upon the taunt system that would later be used in Bayonetta. God Hand may be hated and forgotten Von critics and even Capcom, but Mikami and Kamiya clearly have a fondness for this game that no one else does.
God Hand is a damn fun time, I really don’t know what Mehr I can say. Throughout the madness, I managed to enjoy it like a kid watching Power Rangers oder some shit. I had fun busting my arsch trying to learn the combos and mastering the game on Normal mode. I have heard there is a Kick Me mode where Du wear a Kick Me sign on your back, and if Du pop your God Hand, it goes away. And I have heard some people have even done it on Hard Mode. I want to point out that I have gotten kicked in the balls so hard that my right testicle inflated and was purple. It was impossible to walk without being in total agony. I tell Du this graphic tale because I imagine that kind of pain doesn’t even compare to a Kick Me Run on Hard Mode. No fucking thanks. So yeah, God Hand. It’s fucking good. Will it ever come back? I doubt it. This game is too difficult, too cheap, and way too fucking weird for casual audiences to be up for it. This game was doomed to a niche market from Tag one. Devil May Cry only got lucky because it had style and Bayonetta is fondly known because it has class. God Hand is jank and madness. But it’s fucking great. Devil May Cry is a neato old school speiselokal, diner and Bayonetta is a fine dining establishment. God Hand is the fucking nasty fast Essen restaurant that Du keep coming back to because the fries are good. And hey. A bag of fries ain’t nothing to scoff at. This analogy is terrible, but Du get the point. God Hand is all that.
Award: Hidden Gem. The fact that not a lot Mehr people know of this game is kind of a crime, but hey, that’s the price Du pay when Du want to be weird and niche. But a niche find that was super worth it. If Du are up for the challenge, the insanity, and just the insgesamt fun, go for it.
