(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There Du go.)
So I'm pretty sure Von now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a wolf and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old gänserich, gander at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old sau, leistungsbeschreibung with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me oder does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old sau, leistungsbeschreibung with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the sau, leistungsbeschreibung referring to a house oder a mother oder A TALKING HOUSE oder WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and sagte to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing Du have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 Sekunden OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The Autor could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! oder maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE Autor DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic tritonshorn, conch, muschel shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Wölfe apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Wölfe would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill Du on the spot!
*Now waiting for Kommentare telling me Wölfe can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not Von the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: Hey Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not Von the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The wolf then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Wölfe WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst wolf ever. HE'S Mehr OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The Sekunde little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 Jahr OLD Lesen THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not Von the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do Du blow a house IN!? HOW DO Du BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Wölfe eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the wolf huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the wolf came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not Von the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... Du MONSTER! Du eat all my friends.... Du destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And Du even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if Du will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get abendessen alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just Du and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... sagte the little pig, I will be ready. What time do Du mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
Du have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't Du ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book Von It's Cover"?
Me at Home looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are Du ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow oder other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? sagte the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF Du CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the wolf and if Du will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the Weiter morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the wolf coming, which, as Du may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything Mehr complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe Weiter time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes Du will..... Du will PAY for what Du did to me in your oben, nach oben 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the wolf came up he said: Little pig, what! Are Du here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, sagte the little pig. I will throw Du down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 Jahr old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The Weiter Tag the wolf came again, and sagte to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will Du go? Oh yes, sagte the pig, I will go; what time shall Du be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY bär NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, Du WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, sagte the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going Home with, when he saw the wolf coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and Von so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the hügel with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf so much, that he ran Home without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY Du DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an Stunde ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been Von a great round thing which came down the hügel past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an Stunde Vor too. FUCK!
"Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS wolf IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was Lesen The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Jesus IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 Jahr old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are gegeben little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone Kommentare section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... Du sick bastard.....
Me: What do Du want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! Du shall pay DEARLY for what Du did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR Weiter CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR Favorit DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... Du wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I Liebe that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the Weiter episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see Du guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A Fan button if Du enjoyed!)
So I'm pretty sure Von now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a wolf and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old gänserich, gander at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old sau, leistungsbeschreibung with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me oder does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old sau, leistungsbeschreibung with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the sau, leistungsbeschreibung referring to a house oder a mother oder A TALKING HOUSE oder WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and sagte to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing Du have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 Sekunden OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The Autor could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! oder maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE Autor DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic tritonshorn, conch, muschel shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Wölfe apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Wölfe would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill Du on the spot!
*Now waiting for Kommentare telling me Wölfe can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not Von the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: Hey Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not Von the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The wolf then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Wölfe WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst wolf ever. HE'S Mehr OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The Sekunde little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 Jahr OLD Lesen THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not Von the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do Du blow a house IN!? HOW DO Du BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Wölfe eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the wolf huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the wolf came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not Von the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... Du MONSTER! Du eat all my friends.... Du destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And Du even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if Du will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get abendessen alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just Du and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... sagte the little pig, I will be ready. What time do Du mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
Du have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't Du ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book Von It's Cover"?
Me at Home looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are Du ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow oder other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? sagte the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF Du CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the wolf and if Du will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the Weiter morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the wolf coming, which, as Du may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything Mehr complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe Weiter time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes Du will..... Du will PAY for what Du did to me in your oben, nach oben 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the wolf came up he said: Little pig, what! Are Du here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, sagte the little pig. I will throw Du down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 Jahr old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The Weiter Tag the wolf came again, and sagte to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will Du go? Oh yes, sagte the pig, I will go; what time shall Du be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY bär NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, Du WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, sagte the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going Home with, when he saw the wolf coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and Von so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the hügel with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf so much, that he ran Home without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY Du DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an Stunde ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been Von a great round thing which came down the hügel past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an Stunde Vor too. FUCK!
"Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS wolf IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was Lesen The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Jesus IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 Jahr old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are gegeben little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone Kommentare section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... Du sick bastard.....
Me: What do Du want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! Du shall pay DEARLY for what Du did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR Weiter CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR Favorit DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... Du wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I Liebe that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the Weiter episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see Du guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A Fan button if Du enjoyed!)
It all started when Chloe was in the küche making cupcakes...
Chloe:I'm gonna bake these Cupcakes in time for when Sara comes!
(Sara walks through the door)
Chloe: aw, s**t.
Sara:wha?
Chloe:wha?
(Jimmy walks through door)
Jimmy:hi
Sara:jimmy what the h**l are u doing here ur not supposed to be here jimmy:i dont care im stupid
Chloe:yay another stupid person
(derpy comes out if nowhere)
Derpy:WHAT DOES THE FOCKS SAY ? RINGADINGADINGADOO RINGADINGADINGADOO
Fluttershy(is watching in security room)
Fluttershy:what. the. f***k did i just see
THE END
Chloe:I'm gonna bake these Cupcakes in time for when Sara comes!
(Sara walks through the door)
Chloe: aw, s**t.
Sara:wha?
Chloe:wha?
(Jimmy walks through door)
Jimmy:hi
Sara:jimmy what the h**l are u doing here ur not supposed to be here jimmy:i dont care im stupid
Chloe:yay another stupid person
(derpy comes out if nowhere)
Derpy:WHAT DOES THE FOCKS SAY ? RINGADINGADINGADOO RINGADINGADINGADOO
Fluttershy(is watching in security room)
Fluttershy:what. the. f***k did i just see
THE END
1.Determine how many times a week Du eat oder want to eat chocolate. It must be a number between 1 and 10, including 1 oder 10.
Let's say Du eat Schokolade 8 times a week (we won't tell).
2.Multiply that number Von 2.
8 x 2 = 16
3.Add 5 to the Zurück result.
16 + 5 = 21
4.Multiply that Von 50.
21 x 50 = 1050
5.Add the current Jahr (Gregorian).
1050 + 2011 = 3061
6.Subtract 250 if you've had a birthday this year. If Du haven't had a birthday this year, subtract 251.
(Let's say your birthday hasn't passed yet.)
3061 - 251 = 2810
7.(Assuming Du were born in 1975...)
2810 - 1975 = 835
8.You'll end up with a 3 oder 4 digit number. The last two digits are your age (if you're under 10 years old there will be a zero before your age). The remaining one oder two digits will be the number of times per week Du eat oder want Schokolade (the number Du specified in the first step).
8 pieces of Schokolade a week, 35 years of age.
Let's say Du eat Schokolade 8 times a week (we won't tell).
2.Multiply that number Von 2.
8 x 2 = 16
3.Add 5 to the Zurück result.
16 + 5 = 21
4.Multiply that Von 50.
21 x 50 = 1050
5.Add the current Jahr (Gregorian).
1050 + 2011 = 3061
6.Subtract 250 if you've had a birthday this year. If Du haven't had a birthday this year, subtract 251.
(Let's say your birthday hasn't passed yet.)
3061 - 251 = 2810
7.(Assuming Du were born in 1975...)
2810 - 1975 = 835
8.You'll end up with a 3 oder 4 digit number. The last two digits are your age (if you're under 10 years old there will be a zero before your age). The remaining one oder two digits will be the number of times per week Du eat oder want Schokolade (the number Du specified in the first step).
8 pieces of Schokolade a week, 35 years of age.
5
Scarlet
I tried to brush Dominic's hair away from his eyes. This time he let me. He had one green eye that was a completely different pattern then the black one. His eye had been replaced.
"Your lucky," I said. "I heard in 3017 they couldn't do that." I continued. "you started being able to in 3018."
"I'm not lucky." He said,"it could have just not happened."
"What did happen?"
"It's a long story. Du wouldn't like it anyway."
"No I really would."
"No. I don't want to talk about it."
"Ok. Du can tell me if Du ever want to."
"Ok. Well I won't."
Scarlet
I tried to brush Dominic's hair away from his eyes. This time he let me. He had one green eye that was a completely different pattern then the black one. His eye had been replaced.
"Your lucky," I said. "I heard in 3017 they couldn't do that." I continued. "you started being able to in 3018."
"I'm not lucky." He said,"it could have just not happened."
"What did happen?"
"It's a long story. Du wouldn't like it anyway."
"No I really would."
"No. I don't want to talk about it."
"Ok. Du can tell me if Du ever want to."
"Ok. Well I won't."
At the end of series 3, Du never really find out what happens to Zuko's Mom, do you? well, I've got an idea, check this out:
Ozai wanted to be firelord, but Azulon wouldn't let him be Weiter in line, yadda yadda yadda, Iroh and Lu Ten, yadda yadda yadda, Ozai has to kill his first born son. But Ursa didn't like that so she planned a plan so that Ozai would be firelord and Zuko would live, but then Ursa was banished and I THINK that Ozai killed Azulon but who knows. So, Ursa is banished, and I don't really know where she's gone....but remember when Aang was in the spirit world and he had to talk to "The Face Stealer" (Can't remember the name-sorry) and he changes his face, Right? Well Du know that face oder a girl with long dark hair? Doen't she look alot like Ursa? If Du don't think so just have a look at how different Azula looked when she was crazy and cut her hair.
Think about it...I could be right!
So she of trapped in THE SPIRIT WORLD<--------
Ozai wanted to be firelord, but Azulon wouldn't let him be Weiter in line, yadda yadda yadda, Iroh and Lu Ten, yadda yadda yadda, Ozai has to kill his first born son. But Ursa didn't like that so she planned a plan so that Ozai would be firelord and Zuko would live, but then Ursa was banished and I THINK that Ozai killed Azulon but who knows. So, Ursa is banished, and I don't really know where she's gone....but remember when Aang was in the spirit world and he had to talk to "The Face Stealer" (Can't remember the name-sorry) and he changes his face, Right? Well Du know that face oder a girl with long dark hair? Doen't she look alot like Ursa? If Du don't think so just have a look at how different Azula looked when she was crazy and cut her hair.
Think about it...I could be right!
So she of trapped in THE SPIRIT WORLD<--------
Derpy
step 1.Go up to someone and ask there name
Step 2.Tell them that there name is ugly
step 3.Tell them they're hemd, shirt looks like throw up
step 4.give them a hug
step 5:kick them in the shin
step 6:tell them Du Liebe them
Step 7:kick them in the crotch oder stumach
step 8.Say i Liebe Du again
step 9:walk around them in circles Singen my butt smells like a tortia chachacha
step 10:say Du hate them
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Step 2.Tell them that there name is ugly
step 3.Tell them they're hemd, shirt looks like throw up
step 4.give them a hug
step 5:kick them in the shin
step 6:tell them Du Liebe them
Step 7:kick them in the crotch oder stumach
step 8.Say i Liebe Du again
step 9:walk around them in circles Singen my butt smells like a tortia chachacha
step 10:say Du hate them
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
