-Get to know a Friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
-Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
-Call other people "Champ" oder "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
-Drum on every available surface.
-Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
-Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
-Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
-Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
-Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
-Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
-Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. -Claim to be AMS certified.
-Surprise old friend's Von visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
-Insist on buying airplane tickets for Friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that Du didn't really save them any money.
-Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
-Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
-Set alarms for Zufällig times.
-Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
-Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
-Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
-Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train Weiter Thanksgiving.
-Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Publicly investigate just how slowly Du can make a "croaking" noise.
-Honk and wave to strangers.
-Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Safety Orange.
-Change channels five Minuten before the end of every show.
-Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
-Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints Von the cash register.
-Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
-Rouse your roommate/spouse from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
-Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
dont use any punctuation
-Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
-Pay for your abendessen with pennies.
-Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
-Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
-Write "X - Buried Treasure" in Zufällig spots on roadmaps.
-Explain to everyone Du meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
-Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do Du hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
-Light road flares on a birthday cake.
-Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
-Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
-Demand that everyone address Du as "Conquistador".
-Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
-At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
-When Weihnachten carolling, sing "Jingle Bells,
-Batman smells..." until physically restrained.
-Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
-As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
-Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
-Finish the 99 bottles of bier song.
-Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
-Pretend your maus is a CB radio, and talk to it.
-Try playing the William Tell Overture Von tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
-Why walk when Du can drive that half a block?
-Name your dog "Dog".
-Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
-Ask people what gender they are.
-Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what Du think."
-Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
-Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
-Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
-Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that Du don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
-Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
-Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
-Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr Rogers theme song.
-While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
-Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
-Leave your Weihnachten lights up and lit until September.
-Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
-Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
-Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
-Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
-Wear a lot of cologne.
-Ask people if Du may "interface" with them.
-Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
-Sing along at the opera.
-Mow your lawn with scissors.
-Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy".
-Ask the waitress for an extra sitz for your "imaginary friend".
-Go to a Poesie recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
-Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their Antwort in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
-Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky gatter, wicket isn't cricket."
-Stare at static on the tv and claim Du can see the "magic picture".
-Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
-Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
-Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying Mehr any moment.
-Never make eye contact.
-Never break eye contact.
-Signal that a conversation is over Von clamping your hands over your ears.
-Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
-Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
-Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
-Shout Zufällig numbers while someone is counting.
-Make appointments for the 31st of September.
-Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
-When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (ie. "Hand, will Du please open the door.")
-When people ask Du to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where Du are going."
-Wait until Du get to work to shave.
-Tell small children that they don't look very promising.