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What women should tell men...but don't

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The Weiter time Du and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a Umfrage to see which of Du successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with Du - it's not bonding - it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever Du have to say after the movie.

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. If Du were really looking for an honest answer, Du wouldn't ask in bed.

8. The Weiter time Du make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused Von rubber-necking mini-skirts.

9. If only women gossip, how do Du and your Friends keep track of 'who's easy'?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.

11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don't mind if Du look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!

13. When you're out with us, please wear 'our' Favorit outfit rather than 'yours' - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

14. If Du must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. A negative grunt.

15. Don't insist that we 'get off the stupid phone' and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily 'women's work'; besides, most of the 'dirt' and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then Du never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know Du can probably beat us arm wrestling' however, very few raises oder promotions were gained Von arm wrestling the boss.
If Du don't read this, someone else wil
50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time Du turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him oder her that you’ve Lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he oder she has anything...
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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the ofen on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add...
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NOTE: These "facts" have not necessarily been verified. They are just for fun.

1.If Du keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

2.San Francisco cable cars are the only National Monuments that move.

3.Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fisch stores.

4.A Wisconsin gabelstapler operator for a Miller bier distributor was fired when a picture was published in a newspaper Wird angezeigt him drinking a Bud Light.

5.More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (300 million).

6.For every person on earth, there are an estimated...
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72 things Guys should know about Girls <3...


1. Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

2. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.

3. When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her.

4. Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her Du Liebe her.

5. Call her before Du sleep and after Du wake up

6. Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

7. Tease her and let her tease Du back.

8. Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

9. Watch her Favorit movie with her oder her Favorit Zeigen even if Du think its stupid.

10. Give her the world.

11. Let her wear your clothes....
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1. Guys may be flirting around all Tag but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

5. Du have to tell a guy what Du really want before he gets the message clearly.

6. Guys Liebe their moms oder grandmas.

7. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

8. Du can never understand him unless Du listen to him.

9. Beware. Guys can make gossips...
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added by emma-janee
added by deedeeflower
Source: panoramio.com
added by RoohWinchester
Source: www.damnyouautocorrect.com
posted by dodo4
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare



The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The Mehr he gives to others, the Mehr he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing is softer oder Mehr flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.
- Lao Tzu

Silence is a Quelle of great strength.
- Lao Tzu

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever Du ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The cave you...
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FHM Magazine released a Liste a few years back of the 50 worst t.v. characters of all time. I think it mostly pertains to sitcoms. So what do Du all think? Agree? Disagree? Think they are missing people oder that any of these people shouldn't be on the list?

50. Ross Gellar - Friends
49. Wilbur Post - Mister Ed
48. Janet Wood - Three's Company
47. Dwayne Wayne - A Different World
46. Jimmy Glick - Primetime Glick
45. The Professor - Gilligan's Island
44. Gomer Pyle - Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
43. Paul Shaffer - Late Zeigen With David Letterman
42. Edna Garrett - The Facts of Life
41. Jessie Spano - Saved Von The...
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not Von me n thnx for readinnnnnnnnnn........♥♥

ll around us, everyday, there are two groups of people that many believe to be different. Not so! Teen-agers and Seniors have a lot in common. If it's accidentally putting their shoe on the wrong foot oder putting their foot in their mouth, there are instances of conduct that are very similar in both groups.

For example:

Both groups like to hang out at fast Essen restaurants and shopping malls.

Both groups have developed their own "walk."

Both groups like to wear clothing that doesn't fit well.

Both groups seem to have questionable facial hair.

Both...
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Stand on oben, nach oben of the high board and say Du won't come down until your demands are met.
Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because Du have seen at least 15 people drown today.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Take a flutter board and pretend Du can't swim.
Hit strangers with your flutter board.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....".
Sit on the oben, nach oben of the water slide and don't move.
Swim near a stranger and say,...
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I found this one on the internet:

Why did the chicken kreuz the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he was a maverick chicken, and he wanted to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken had to kreuz the road because he was not able to find a bridge. Alaskans do not build bridges to nowhere. If he wanted a bridge, he'd have to build it himself.

JOE BIDEN: The chicken crossed the road because...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
Found this on Google. Hope it makes ya laugh.

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service schreibtisch and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. Find one of the workers who is making a pyramid oder a display of something and as soon as they are finished with it, ask for the thing that’s on the bottom and have a panic attack until they give it to you.

5. Get on the loud speaker and declare a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”

6....
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added by fatoshleo
added by MSboySLO
added by jlhfan624
Source: 1280x800.com
added by Rodz
Source: ewallpapers.org
added by Tamar20