2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells Du to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the Liebe of your life. Du should stay with him since he will keep Du safe, sicher forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling Du he will never see Du again), it is because he loves Du so much he will suffer just to keep Du safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your Friends and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as Du keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even Mehr romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave Du always come back.
9. Because they come back, Du should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though Du have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, Du should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy Du something.
11. Du should use sagte male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical oder technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while Du run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what Du must do.
13. Car theft in the service of Liebe is acceptable.
14. If the boy Du are in Liebe with causes Du (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten Du end up in the hospital, Du should tell the doctors and your family that Du “fell down the steps” because Du are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if Du sacrifice everything Du are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills oder emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When Schreiben a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal Quelle material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making oder watching a major feature film, Du should gleefully embrace the 20 Minuten of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. Vampire — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.
