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What would Du rate my fanfiction? Honest please.

(Naruto is a new student)
“You can have a sitz beside Mr. Uchiha.” He sagte pointing to me. My herz froze. Yes. Naruto extended a pale, soft, hand.
“Hi, I’m Naruto.” I took his hand, squeezing it gently.
“I’m Sasuke. Would you…like to hang out later?” He smiled warmly.
“Sure, sounds fun.” Shikamaru shot me a teasing look, he knew I was falling…hard. Kakashi stepped out of the room with Iruka for a moment and Shikamaru turned to me with a smirk.
“Kiss the new boy.” Naruto and I blushed.
“Let’s not scare him okay.” Naruto laughed.
“I wouldn’t mind.” I blushed and Shika began chanting “kiss him, KISS him” making me turn scarlet.
“Naruto, Du don’t want me to do that. I-I’m gay.”
“So? So am I.” I gasped. Things couldn’t get Mehr perfect. Suddenly everyone was chanting “kiss him” so I softly captured the blondes lips in mine, brushing my tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth to me and I quickly explored the boys warm cavern. Shikamaru then began to laugh.
“Uh…you guys having issues down there?” We looked down and both of us had giant erections. We both turned as red as the crest on my back. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
“So…would Du like to go out with me? Like, as my boyfriend?”
“I’d Liebe too.” Suddenly the entire class burst into laughter and Kakashi walked back into the room.
“Um, what are Du guys doing?”
“Nothing…” He glared at us.
“Please get seated Sasuke.” I got up from where I was kneeling beside Naruto and got back in my seat. A bubbly feeling welled up in my chest and a warm sensation was growing in my groin. I had a boyfriend…that was beyond my wildest imagination. School was going Von way to slowly now, because I wanted to have time to get to know Naruto better. Kiba nuzzled his face into Shikamaru’s shoulder and I smiled. I wanted Naruto to do that to me. I wanted him be in my arms, safe, sicher a secure, feeling all my Liebe radiating f
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it was supposed to say "radiating from my chest"
RikuSoraKairi3 posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
 RikuSoraKairi3 posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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sarabeara said:
Wait. They've just met and now they're making out to the point where they both have erections?

If so (I truly do mean this in the nicest way possible), Du seriously need to work on character development. People don't get together in 30 seconds. That's something Du have to build up to.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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yeah, agree
HaleyDewit posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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It's based off a dream I had last night and that's just they way it happened XD
RikuSoraKairi3 posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
Me_Iz_Here said:
Waaaaaaaaaat? is all I can say.
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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