My little Brony pt4 - My Little pony - Freundschaft ist Magie - Fanpop

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posted by nerdman101

I woke up to see Twilight Sparkle getting ready to go somewhere...
Hey Twilght whats up? I said,Im just gettin ready to go to see regenbogen Dash and pick apples with AJ,wanna come? she asked,yeah sure! I sagte with glee,as I combed my mane.
We left and went to see regenbogen Dash.....
She was on a wolke in the distance,hey twilight sagte as we walked under her cloud,hey Twilight she sagte with a smile!,Hey she sagte to me,whats your name?This is a human who was teleported to the ponyverse through a electronic device!,his name is jake!Hey regenbogen dash whats up?,nothing much,just chillin on a cloud...,Twilight asked if regenbogen Dash wanted to come and pick some apples with AJ,Yes she sagte as we started walking to AJ's house...

tailsfan111 likes this

NocturnalMirage Okay, the pacing is good so far, but if you allow me to give you a friendly advice: you gave us a good ammount of exposition, you set off the characters well. Now it's time to give more dynamics to them, make them do stuff, implement a little "action", create obstacles for them to overcome, introduce an antagonist, etc. oh an most importantly, keep up the good work! :)