Chapter 3,



March 16, 1996,



I turned two years old yesterday and dad is having a hard time with my temper tantrums. He loves me to death; I just don’t think he knows what to do with me half the time! Grace is getting Mehr and Mehr frustrated with every Tag that goes by. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me but sometimes I wonder if I’m not what he bargained for!



There was a knock at the front door and a blonde haired woman that I did not recognize walked through the door. I had this strange feeling that I knew she was but, I couldn’t put a name to her face. Dad plopped me down on the couch and sat in between her and I. He sagte “listen Debbie, I know things didn’t leave on the right foot last time but, I’m ready for another baby and I want to put all of those feelings behind us!” She sagte “I was just being way too sensitive and I apologize for what happened!” She looked at my hair and looked at hers while smiling. She smirked at dad and sagte sarcastically “I wonder where she gets that hair from?” He sagte “yeah I don’t know where she gets it either!”



I ran around the living room screaming and Debbie asked “are Du sure you’re ready to deal with Alanna and a newborn baby Michael?” He sagte “I think I know what to expect now at least the first Jahr of the Weiter child’s life!” I ripped one of my new Bücher that I got for my birthday and dad asked “why would Du do that?” He picked me up and put me in the corner facing the wall. Debbie looked it dad and asked “does she normally act like this oder is it only because I’m here?” He laughed and sagte “no, she started her terrible twos a few months ago!” I tried to get out of the corner and he sagte “don’t Du even try to Bewegen from that spot till I tell Du that Du can!”



Debbie sagte “I have to say that I’m shocked to see this side of you!” He asked “what do Du mean?” She sagte “well, I expected Du to be a laid-back father but, what Du just sagte to Alanna proved me wrong!” He picked me up and asked “are Du sorry for ruining your new book?” I kissed him and sagte “I’m sorry daddy.” He put me down and sagte “it’s okay but, don’t do that again.” He came back over to the couch and sat down. He sagte “it took me a while to be stern with her but, I’ve learned that I have to be because if I’m not she feels she can get away with anything.” He cleared his throat and sagte “believe me I felt terrible the first time I had to punish her!”



After a few hours of talking about having another baby, Debbie grabbed her jacke and gave dad and I each a hug before she left. I climbed onto his lap and he sagte “I don’t know about Du but, I think Du need a sibling!” I had no idea what he was talking about and I sat there with a blank look on my face. He sagte “I know Du don’t understand what I’m saying but, Du will soon enough!” As he held me he sagte quietly “I can’t believe Du are already two years old… Du are growing up way too fast for me!!!”

March 24, 1996,



It was almost 3 o’clock in the in the morning and I woke up to dad taking me out of my krippe and bringing me outside to the car. He sagte “hey sleepyhead, we’re going to go to Disney World to see Mickey Mouse!” He buckled me into my car sitz and sitting Weiter to me was my uncle Macauley Culkin. He isn’t really my uncle but, dad and he are really close so I’ve always called him uncle Mac. He starred in the movie “home alone” which is one of my dad’s Favorit movies!



We arrived at the airport and boarded our flight. While dad flipped through one of his parenting books, I watched the in-flight movie of the lion King. Uncle Mac played his hand held video games and I ended up falling asleep. When we got to our destination I was wondering where we were going. A few Minuten later I saw a huge schloss and immediately knew where we were…at Disney World!



I started to get very excited and sagte “I want to go see Pinocchio!!!” After we had gotten our park passes we went to go see some of the new rides. I gravitated toward the rides that I was familiar with and uncle Mac started to get bored with all of the kiddie rides. Dad let him go off on his own while he took me on the Dumbo ride. The two of us rode it about seven times before I had had enough and we went off to go find Pinocchio. After about 20 min. of searching we finally found him and I was so happy. Besides the preschool nickelodeon shows, most of what I watch is Disney Filme because dad likes them too.



Then dad took me to get something to eat because I was hungry. He was hoping that we would bump into Uncle Mac on the way because he had not seen him in a few hours. While dad was ordering us some sweet potato fries and cheese burgers uncle Mac showed up. Dad asked “did Du have fun?” Uncle Mac took me out of my stroller and sagte “yeah, thank Du Michael for taking me on this trip with Du guys!” Dad put the trays of Essen on the tabelle and sagte “you know Du don’t have to thank me… Alanna and I Liebe to hang out with you!” Uncle Mac passed me a sweet potato fry and I sagte “thank you.”



After we had eaten, we spent four Mehr hours shopping for souvenirs and watching a parade of characters. Then it was time for the three of us to get back on the plane and fly back Home because dad has to continue rehearsing for the tour tomorrow morning. He’s trying to fit in as many memorable moments for me before we have to travel the world because it’ll be at least a Jahr before we completely Bewegen back home. Sure we’ll spend a couple weeks at the ranch every couple of weeks but, we will mostly be living out of hotels.

April 10, 1996,



I had money from a few family members for my birthday and dad decided to take me to Toys “R” Us to spend it. Very rarely do I get to go to a toy store because dad does not want me to become spoiled, so I am really excited! I had over $150 to spend at the store and was excited to get my hands on some new toys. Before the tour starts dad gave nanny Grace a couple of weeks off because once we are heading all over the world she won’t be able to go see her family. Today she was packing her bags and getting ready to head back Home to her mother’s house.



After Grace had left, dad and I were all alone in our huge home. He took me out to the car and sat Weiter to me in the backseat. When the bodyguard who was driving us pulled up in front of Toys “R” Us I became Mehr and Mehr excited! Dad helped me into a shopping karte, warenkorb and we went into the store. The first thing I saw was a giant stuffed animal of Spiderman. Beside the Spiderman stuffed animal was one of Aschenputtel and dad asked “wouldn’t Du rather have the Aschenputtel one?” I sagte “no; I want Spiderman!” He wasn’t trying to change my mind but, I think he was shocked when I picked the one I did.



Dad took me out of the karte, warenkorb and let me Zeigen him where I wanted to go. I walked down the Lego section and grabbed 1000 piece Lego racecar set. He looked at the amount of pieces and sagte “let’s get the big mega blocks set instead, because I think they are Mehr for two-year-olds!” I picked out the red mega blocks instead of the option of rosa and light purple colored ones. He put them in the shopping karte, warenkorb and I saw a display of toy dump trucks out of the corner of my eye. I ran towards them and sagte “daddy I want one of these please!” He sagte “okay… If that’s what Du really want!” I carried it around the store and sagte “I want to go Home now… I’ll save the rest of the money for Weiter time.” He put me back in the karte, warenkorb and sagte “that’s fine, I’ll put it in a safe, sicher place for Du so it doesn’t get lost!”



I think dad is starting to learn now that I’m definitely not a girly girl. I already know that I am a tomboy all the way. I can sit through a Princess movie but, it’s not very entertaining to me. I think now dad gets that and is going to gravitate away from those types of things. He knows a lot of people with kids that are tomboys so, I know that me being a tomboy isn’t going to bother him one bit because he’s accepting to those sorts of things!




April 18, 1996,



When I woke up from my nap this afternoon my uncle Jermaine was here with my five-year-old cousin Jermaine Junior. They had just gotten there because they were still wearing their jackets. Dad put me down and helped Jermaine Junior unzip his jacket. I went into the living room and Junior followed me. I have not had as much contact with other kids because of my father’s busy schedule but, he definitely thinks that I need to!



Dad pulled out my toy box from the closet and opened it up. I saw that Jermaine Junior was grabbing one of my Favorit toys and took it from him. He picked out another toy and I took that one from him too. I sagte “no; these are all my toys… Du can’t play with them!” He looked at me and sat down on the floor feeling defeated. Dad noticed that it was extremely quiet in the living, which usually means I’m up to no good room!



He walked into the room and looked at me surrounded Von a pile of toys. Jermaine Junior was watching Nickelodeon and dad asked “how come you’re not playing with Alanna Junior?” He replied Von saying “she won’t let me play with any of her toys!” Dad sagte “Alanna; Du need to share your toys with Junior!” I sagte “but they’re mine… Du bought them for me!” He sighed and sagte “I know I bought them for Du but, it doesn’t mean Du can’t share them!” I passed Junior a plastic baseball and sagte “there; Du can play with that because it’s boring!” Dad sagte while desperately trying not to laugh “no Du have to share all your toys with him, not just the boring ones!”



Dad got up and sagte “you better share your toys with him oder I’m not going to buy Du anymore!” He walked out of the room and sat at the küche tabelle with my uncle Jermaine. Dad looked at him and asked “please tell me these terrible twos to come to an end?” Jermaine sagte “she’s barely 2 so, Du better get used to it now because you’ve got a long way to go before they’re over!” Dad laughed and sagte “she’s just so stubborn; it drives me nuts!” Jermaine sarcastically replied “wow… I wonder where she gets that from?” Dad sagte laughing “well it’s not from me; I’m easy-going and passive!” Jermaine sagte “Michael if Du weren’t so stubborn Du wouldn’t have the best-selling album of all time… You’re the guy who stayed overnight in the studio to make sure everything on the album is perfect. Du wouldn’t take no for an answer even when MTV didn’t want to Zeigen your thriller video because Du were an African-American artist, but they did end up Wird angezeigt it didn’t they?” Dad smiled and sagte “okay maybe I’m a little stubborn, but not near as much a she is!” Jermaine sagte “you watch; she’s going to be just like Du when she grows up…Stubborn as hell but, an amazing person because of that!”



Jermaine Junior shouted from the living room saying “Uncle Michael; Alanna isn’t sharing her toys with me!” Dad asked “do Du want to come here and sit on my lap while he plays with your toys?” I walked into the küche and came up to dad. He sagte “if Du don’t want to come in here and listen to me and uncle Jermaine talk; Du better behave… I told Du that Du need to share!” I looked at him and stomped out of the room. Dad sagte “she needs Mehr interaction with the kids because preschool is only a few years away! Jermaine didn’t say anything and took a sip of his soda. Then he asked “do Du know what Du are doing Michael?” Dad sagte “I don’t want this to come off wrong but, Alanna’s my trial and error child… I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m just hoping something will work with her!” Jermaine sagte “I know exactly how Du feel; parenting takes real skill and time!” Junior grabbed his jacke and sagte “you have to drop me off at mom’s house in a few minutes, don’t forget dad!”



As uncle Jermaine was putting his jacke on, dad sagte “I just don’t want her to become a brat!” Jermaine walked towards the door with my cousin in his arms and sagte “she won’t Michael; Du need to have faith in yourself as a father!” The door slammed shut and I ran up to dad!” He sagte “I don’t like it when Du act like that… I’m not happy with you!”



Dad will always be grateful to have me for his daughter but, he knows how he wants me brought up. It bothers him that I constantly disobey him and he is embarrassed when I act out because he’s trying so hard to make sure I understand right from wrong! He is too tough on himself because of that though! He’s hoping that I’ll catch on soon so, it doesn’t get worse in the future when I’m a teenager!

April 21, 1996,



Dad came Home around six o’clock and walked upstairs to my room where I was watching TV. He sat down on the floor Weiter to me and noticed that I was sweating. I started to shiver and he asked “do Du feel okay?” He felt my forehead and sagte “you feel a little warm!” I looked at him and started to cry. He picked me up and asked “what’s wrong?” I pointed to my ears and he sagte “you must have an ear infection!”



He carried me downstairs and sagte “I think I still have those drops from the last time I had an ear infection.” He rummaged through the medicine cabinet in one of the bathrooms downstairs and sagte “here they are!” Grace held me down while dad put the drops in my ears. That was quite the ordeal I was determined that those drops were not coming anywhere near me and definitely not near my ears! Every time he would try to put them in my ears I would pull away and one time I actually broke free of her grip!



I ran upstairs and into my room. Dad and Grace had to chase me into a corner so he could put the drops in my ears! Of course I acted like it was the end of the world because I was having a two-year-old meltdown and on oben, nach oben of all that I didn’t feel very good! Dad managed to calm me down Von Lesen me a book while Grace tried to catch her breath after following me around the whole house for 45 min.

A few hours later, dad took me to his room and put a movie in the VCR for us to watch. I laid there Weiter to him with his arm around my shoulders and watched Peter Pan. We chuckled and rewound parts of the movie over and over again and this is definitely a moment that I’ll never forget!


June 6, 1996,



It was the middle of the Tag and I was playing with my Legos in the playroom when there was a knock at the door. Dad answered it surprised to see Debbie on the other side. He asked “what are Du doing here?” Out of the corner of his eye he could see that she was holding an unidentified white stick in her hands. She sagte “I have some news!” Looking puzzled he asked “what kind of news?” She passed him the white stick and he sagte “oh my gosh; a positive pregnancy test!!!” He jumped up and down with joy and hugged her.



Being two years old, I had no idea what he was so excited about so, I just continued to play. He eventually came over to me and sagte “you’re going to have a little brother oder sister soon!” I sagte “a baby?” Dad smiled as he sagte “yes… Another baby!” Debbie smiled and sagte “I can’t believe I’m pregnant again!” Dad hugged her and sagte “I can’t thank Du enough for what you’re doing for me, you’ve made me the happiest person in the world!”

I don’t know what compelled me to do what I did next. I got up off the floor and asked Debbie to pick me up. She did and that was the first time I willingly let her hold me since I was born. Dad asked “can Du give Ms. Debbie a KISS on the cheek?” He was shocked when I kissed her and sagte “wow; she rarely kisses anyone but me!” Debbie seemed really happy to have me in her arms but, she also looked a little uncomfortable. I think she was feeling like she was missing out on being a parent but, she knew deep down that she didn’t really want to be a hands-on mother and that dad was doing a really good job as a single parent!



For reasons I don’t understand yet; dad became very emotional seeing the two of us together. He loves being a single father but, his herz was hurting for me because I would never know what it was like to have a mother! He started to tear up and took me from her so he didn’t get Mehr upset because he doesn’t like to cry in front of me! Debbie quickly sagte “well; I better get going, I just wanted to tell Du that you’re going to be a father of two in nine months!” As she left dad kissed my forehead and sagte “wow… Two kids!”



June 12, 1996,



Since dad found out he was going to be a father of two kids soon he decided to slowly start helping me reach certain milestones that a toddler should accomplish. He thought a good place to start was Von getting rid of my crib. A delivery truck was going to be at the ranch in a few hours and dad went upstairs with me to get my room ready and Bewegen things around so there was room for my new bed.



He put me down on my bedroom floor and sagte “I know I’m not very handy but, at least you’ll have something to laugh at while Du watch me try and take apart your crib!” He kneeled down and started to unscrew the bolts that hold it together. It took him forever to take it apart but, I don’t blame him because he would much rather be cooking something in the küche then building oder taking things apart! At one point Grace walked into my room and busted out laughing. She asked “oh my God there’s so many screws scattered everywhere and the krippe looks like a trapezoid!” Dad laughed and sagte “yeah, yeah, yeah (blushes) I know I’m no Mr. fix-it!”



Grace let the delivery crew in and bring my bett frame and mattress upstairs to my room. To dad’s relief; the bett frame was already assembled and all he had to do was put the mattress in. I helped dad put my brand-new Mickey maus bedding on my bett and he put my Mickey maus stuffed animal at the end of my bed. Grace walked into my room and sagte “I was wondering when Du would ever get rid of that crib!” Dad sagte “it’s just hard for me to let my baby grow up!” I hugged him and sagte “thank Du for my bett daddy!” He sagte “you’re welcome; I Liebe you!” Grace sagte “you know that you’re probably not going to get much sleep tonight because she is going to keep getting out of her bed!” Dad sagte “yeah, that’s part of the reason why I didn’t get rid of her krippe right after she turned two!”

At eight o’clock it was time for me to go to bett and dad brought me upstairs to my bedroom. He put me under the covers and kissed my forehead. He sagte “okay, I’m going to be downstairs if Du get out of this bett I will hear you!” He shut off the lights and left my bedroom door open so the hallway light when shine in my room. I got out of bett and walked to the oben, nach oben of the stairs. Dad didn’t notice me at first but, when he got up to get a drink of water he saw me and asked “what are Du doing out of your bed?” I sagte “I want to come down there daddy!” He walked up the steps and picked me up. He put me back in my bett and sagte “I Liebe you, but it’s time to go to sleep!” He went into his bedroom and I could see him watching TV on the edge of his bed.



I waited about 5 min. to see if he saw me looking at him before I got out of bett again and went into his room. He looked at me and sagte “you better get back in that bett before I have to put Du in time out!” I started to cry as I slowly made my way back to my bedroom and into my bed. After a while of me sitting in my bedroom crying; dad came in and lay down Weiter to me. I think he realized that I was used to having the security of my krippe and tried to comfort me. The first few times I did get out of my bett was because I was testing dad to see if he was going to bring me back but, I only got out of bett two Mehr times before I got the message that he wasn’t going to give in. When I woke up the Weiter morning I was in my bett alone and he was sprawled kreuz his bett on his stomach with the remote in his hand.

July 26, 1996,



It was the middle of the afternoon and I was upstairs in my room. Dad noticed that it was awfully quiet and normally I would be making some sort of noise. He went upstairs to investigate and saw me in the corner of the room holding something. When he came closer he noticed I had cut my hair with scissors.



He took the scissors out of my hands and asked “oh my gosh, what did Du do to your hair?” I sagte “I was just giving myself a haircut like Karen does!” At first dad was mad but, a few Minuten later he couldn’t help but laugh because I looked so weird with a chunk of my hair shorter than the other parts. Luckily my hair is really short so it didn’t look that bad and it wouldn’t take a long time to grow back.



Dad took me downstairs and showed Grace my hair and she sagte “you have to admit that it’s kind of cute that she tried to cut her own hair!” Dad laughed as he looked down at my head and sagte “yeah I know… I tried to be serious with her but, I couldn’t because she looked so adorable!” Dad sagte “just don’t do it again and we’ll be all good!” Let’s just say I think I’ll be wearing a baseball kappe for a very long time!



July 28, 1996,



When I woke up this morning dad was at work, like he usually is at this time. Grace is still getting used to the fact that my krippe is gone because now I walk downstairs and wait for her to get up in the morning. She was surprised the first time I was down there Von myself because she wasn’t expecting me to be up and playing. She went into my room this morning and I had already gone downstairs.



She went downstairs and found me sitting in front of the TV, which I managed to somehow turn on Nickelodeon. She patted my bett headed hair and got me a bowl of cereal for breakfast. She sagte “I just talked to Du daddy on the phone and he sagte we could visit him on the set of his new Musik video ghosts.” I began to get very excited and started jumping around. She sagte “were going to go there for a couple of hours so, daddy can ride Home with us when he’s done working!” I hurried to finish my cereal and Grace sagte “you don’t have to rush; we won’t be leaving for a while!”



A few hours later we drove to an undisclosed location where my dad was filming a Musik video. Grace helped me out of the car and we walked inside. I looked around for dad but, he was nowhere to be found. Then an overweight man wearing glasses, kneelt down in front of me and sagte “hi Alanna!” He sounded like dad but, definitely didn’t look like him. I started to cry and reached out for Grace to pick me up. She asked “Michael; is that you?” He sagte “yeah, this is just a costume that I wear when I play that mayor!!! I didn’t mean to make her cry!!!” Grace passed me to him and sagte “it’s okay; it’s just daddy in a costume.” I shook my head and sagte “that doesn’t look like daddy!” I screamed out of sheer terror and clung to her as tightly as I possibly could!



Grace followed the man with me in her arms and went into a dressing room. He sat in the chair and people began to remove a rubber mask from his face. When the mask was off I finally realized that it really was dad under all that makeup!” He looked at me and smiled. I climbed onto his lap and sagte “I Liebe Du daddy!” He sagte “I Liebe Du more!!!”



August 1, 1996



I was playing with my toys in the playroom while Grace was doing dishes in the kitchen. The phone rang and she picked it up. She had a shocked look on her face as she listened to the person on the other side of the call and raced upstairs to pack her suitcase. I was wondering what was going on because I saw her crying as she ran to her room. I decided to lay low for a while so I didn’t make her any sadder than she already was!



20 min. later dad came Home oblivious to what was going on. He saw that I was downstairs Von myself and then Grace came to greet him carrying her suitcase. Dad looked at her as tears streamed down her face and asked “what’s wrong?” She sagte “my sister called and told me she was just diagnosed with lung cancer and asked if I could keep her company until my other sister was able to quit her job and stay with her full-time!” He hugged her and sagte “you take as much time as Du need and tell her I’ll keep her in my thoughts!” She asked “who will watch Alanna while you’re at work because I will probably be gone for a month?” He sagte “I will stay Home with her… It will give me some time to spend with her before the new baby comes!” She hugged me and sobbed as she walked out the door.

I asked “where is she going daddy?” He picked me up and sagte “she will be back in a few weeks!” He kissed me and sagte “that’s okay, me and you’re going to have fun together because I’m not going to work until she gets back!” I sagte “daddy I want to take a bath!” Even though dad tries his best to be Home from work in time to give me a bath and put me to bed, he had not been able to in three months because of his busy schedule!” He sagte “okay, we can do that!”

October 31, 1996,



I am so excited because I’m going to get to go trick-or-treating today for my first time! Dad came up with a plan so, we don’t have a repeat of last year! He brought a costume for himself to where when we go house to house because people won’t know that it’s him. He brought himself a Spiderman costume and I picked out a Batman costume. Grace thought that it was a really good idea to have the two of us dressed up and she really thinks we’ll pull it off!”



After we had put our costumes on, we went out to find houses that were giving out candy. When we found a house with the porch lights on I noticed that there was just a bowl of Süßigkeiten on their doorstep. At that point we had been looking for hours for a house that was celebrating Halloween and dad was starting to get discouraged. He sagte “apparently these other rich and famous people like me are too good to celebrate Halloween!” Dad sagte “come on; I’m done with this, I have another idea!”



When we got back to the ranch Grace asked “what are Du doing back here?” I sagte “no one was giving out candy!” Dad quickly went to the pantry and pulled out a big bag of assorted candies and poured it in five separate bowls. He whispered in Grace’s ear and then carried me upstairs. He sagte “if we can’t go trick-or-treating, Du can at least pretend that we are! He sagte “knock on that door!” When I did Grace opened it and sagte “happy halloween!” I opened my bag and sagte “trick-or-treat!” She passed me some Süßigkeiten and we went door to door in the house getting Mehr until my bag was full!



This will definitely be a moment that I look back on when I am older. Dad always strives for me to have as normal life as I possibly can! He didn’t want me missing out on trick-or-treating for the Sekunde time in a row so, he came up with this within minutes. I was so excited and he couldn’t handle having to let me down again! Sure; this wasn’t what I had in mind but, it is probably as close as I’ll ever get to doing the real thing! This is just Mehr proof that my father is the most amazing father in the world and is nothing like what the media Zeigen him to be! I wish they would just leave him alone! Its one thing to say something nice about someone that Du can back up but, on the other hand their Favorit things to is say something completely false and all it does is eat away at my dad’s self-esteem!


September 7, 1996,



I woke up this morning to dad putting me in an SUV and Grace was sitting Weiter to me. Grace must have come back last night because I haven’t seen her since she left to keep her sister company a week ago. I also noticed that we were in a different country, which means I slept through the whole plane ride to Spain. Today’s dad’s first konzert for his history tour and it starts in an hour. He will be doing four shows a week and the rest of the time he will be spending with me!



We pulled up in front of a konzert arena and Grace followed dad inside with me in her arms. Dad ran as fast as he possibly could to go change into his first outfit for the show. I tried to follow him and Grace sagte “daddy is busy; we’re going to get to see him sing on that stage over there!” She picked me up and I sagte “WOW… That’s going to be so cool! Are people going to scream for him?” She sagte “yes, really loud!” I rested my head on her shoulder and sagte “I Liebe my daddy so much!” She sagte “I know Du do; he loves Du Mehr though!” We playfully argued back and forth about who loved who Mehr and then dad came out of his dressing room. He kissed me and sagte “okay; it’s time for me to do my thing!”



I sat backstage and watched the concert. Dad would occasionally come back there for a last-minute costume change and the entire time he would talk to me. Even though he’s on tour he knows that he needs to be there for me no matter what! He doesn’t want me to forget that he’s my father and that I can come to him with anything! As I watched him dance across the stage I absolutely loved when he was doing and thought it was so awesome!



When the Zeigen was over he came backstage to get me and he was dripping with sweat. He picked me up and asked “did Du like the concert?” I sagte “daddy I want to do that when I grow up!” He sagte “you can do whatever Du want to, just as long as Du try your best and work hard!!!” I knew from that moment on that that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life! Just seeing him on the stage and how magical his dance moves were mesmerized me! We went back to the hotel and I fell asleep in his arms!



December 1, 1996,



It was three o’clock in the morning and I walked into dad’s bedroom. I climbed on the bett and shook him until he woke up. He turned on his light that was Weiter to his bett and rubbed his eyes. He asked “what are Du doing awake this early?” I sagte “I had a bad dream again daddy… I am really scared!” He sagte “this is the 5th time in a row that Du have had a bad dream!” I put the blanket over me and sagte “it was about a monster chasing me this time!” Dad sagte “monsters aren’t real… Du have nothing to be afraid of sweetheart!”



I knew very well that monsters were not real; the real reason I wanted to be with him was because the new baby will be here soon and I’m worried that I’m going to miss out on doing stuff like this after he is born! I think dad is starting to catch on to my tricks and I don’t think he will let me sleep in his room anymore!



He hugged me and sagte “I need to go back to sleep because I have a konzert tomorrow so, go back to your bed, I Liebe Du but, you’re not scared and it’s time to go to sleep!” I looked at him shocked and climbed off the bed. As I walked back to my room (in the hotel we were staying at) I sagte “I just don’t want to give Du up!”



Afterwards I laid in my bett staring at the ceiling wondering if my dad was truly going to treat me the same as my baby brother! I don’t know what made me doubt that he wouldn’t but, here I was starting to grow up and learn new things. My brother would be the baby of the family and I would just be me! I know dad loves me but, what if the new baby would listen to him and stay out of trouble? Most times when I get in trouble I don’t think before I act and what if the new baby was everything he ever wanted in a child? I can’t change who I am, which most of the time was a troublemaker and ignored everything that was sagte to me!



December 19, 1996,



It was about an Stunde and a half after my dad’s konzert and we were just getting settled in at a new hotel. I am slowly getting used to life on the road and dad tries to make each bedroom that I have in the hotels comfortable for me. He takes posters that are normally in my bedroom at Home and puts them in each hotel room. Something that I’ll never forget is the fact that he always puts a poster of himself in my bedroom, no matter where we are so I can always look at him; even if he’s not there in person!



I heard dad watching a movie in his bedroom and went in to see him. I looked at the TV screen captivated Von what I was seeing. I asked “daddy; what are Du watching?” He sagte “this is star, sterne Wars, one of my Favorit movies!” I asked “what are those colorful things those people are fighting with?” He sagte “those are light-sabers!” I sagte “Lifesavers?” He laughed and sagte “no, light sabers!” I sagte “yeah; that’s what I said, Lifesavers!” He chuckled and sagte “okay, I guess they are Lifesavers!” I climbed on the edge of his bett and onto his lap. He smiled as I really became interested in what was happening in the movie.



I asked Fragen about tons of different things about the characters and he would quickly jump to answer them. I don’t know what it was about that star, sterne Wars movie that was so special but, I really felt like that was a good way for us to bond even after my brother is born!


December 21, 1996,



It’s getting closer and closer to the birth of my baby brother so, Debbie is coming over again today to help dad get prepared to be a father of two! Dad was busy getting ready for the Tag when she arrived and Grace let her inside our hotel room. Grace then when to her room so, she could fold our laundry. I was playing in my room and watching a Disney movie.



Debbie came in my room and sat down on my small twin sized bed. She asked “how are you, I can’t believe you’re almost 3 years old now… I remember when Du were just a little baby!” I ignored her and searched through a pile of toys for my pacifier. She looked at me shocked as I casually put it in my mouth. She sagte “wow; I’m surprised your daddy still lets Du have a pacifier!” I heard dad walking down the hallway and ran to him.



He scooped me up and sagte “hi Debbie!” He walked over to the couch and sat down Weiter to her. Grace came over to the three of us and passed me a bottle of Schokolade milk. Debbie looked at dad and asked “don’t Du think Alanna is getting too old to be using pacifiers and baby bottles?” He ran his fingers through my hair and sagte “I’ll deal with that when it comes, for now she can stay my baby girl for a few weeks!” She sagte “I just figured since she is almost 3 years old Du would have got rid of those things a while ago!” Dad sagte while beginning to get irritated “I really don’t appreciate Du giving me parenting advice; when Du are not with her every single Tag and Du are not theoretically her mommy!” She sagte “okay; I don’t want this to turn into a fight so, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself!” Dad sagte “thank you!”



Debbie put a gift bag filled with baby clothes on the coffee-table and started to take them out. Dad asked “what’s all this for; Du don’t have to buy anything!” She sagte “well, I thought because he is going to be your first son; I would get Du some boys clothing.” I sagte “wow, new clothes for my baby brother!” Debbie asked “are Du sure Du want to name him Prince?” Dad sagte “yeah, because it was my grandfather’s name and because I think it’s adorable!” Debbie asked “Alanna, are Du excited to be a big sister?” I sagte “yeah, he’s going to cry a lot!” She laughed and sagte “I’m sure he is!”



After she had left, dad sat down on the couch with me his lap and sagte “only a little bit longer to go and your little brother will be coming!” To me dad looked happy but; I think he’s a little bit nervous because he didn’t expect to have another baby while he is still on tour! I don’t know how he’s going to balance going to concerts and being a father of two but… I know he will figure it out!