I'm lazy so I won't post the previously if Du don't mind...I bet Du remember, and now shall I go swimming? Shall I?! I'll post the Weiter one like on Sunday I hope, but geez guys, when all this anxiouness started?! :P Come on...tension never killed anyone :D
LOL, sorry, I know, I'm evil. Hope Du like it!
She was surprised herself at how long she was managing to hold his stare this time. It wasn’t like her being this good. She had never been with him. She might have been fooling herself for the latest years but the truth was every time he did it, every time he looked at her the way he was doing right now, with those clear blue eyes searching into hers, she simply felt like she might have gotten Lost if she didn’t stare away. So, yes, this was probably a first. And it was surprising she was been able to hold on for so long without quite feeling the urge to drop her eyes, away from him…
Hugh crossed his arms over his chest, keeping on watching her...
But then again, perhaps it wasn’t that she was getting better at it.
No….
She simply couldn’t find the words this time, as his answer had completely caught her unprepared.
Hugh pursed his lips into a thin line, “I just don’t believe you....” he repeated. It felt like he couldn’t rip his eyes away from her, even like this; as if he feared, if he did, she simply would be gone; vanished before his very eyes.
On her behalf, Lisa wasn’t even sure she was succeeding in hiding it from him: the way she felt…dangerously on the verge to lose her wits and any grip on herself. oder even the very way he made her feel.
Even now, even like this, her herz hadn’t slowed down of a single beat yet. Not even for a second. And she kept feeling dreadfully wound-up no matter what he said, no matter what she did, no matter what she told herself she should feel.
oder shouldn’t…
Eventually the best she managed was averting her eyes from him, surrendering as resting on her forearms.
“I just don’t…” he sagte again, softly after a while.
She snorted. It was unbelievable. She just kept getting angrier and angrier at herself rather than at him. And the Mehr he stayed, the closer they get, the clearer it became to her: she had to get away from him. Made him leave. One way oder another.
She got her breath, but couldn’t prevent her voice form quivering lightly all the same as she sagte it “That’s none of my business if Du don’t….”
Hugh couldn’t talk for a moment. Words froze into his mouth.
“Well…I’m, I’m sorry…” he muttered, softly. His voice was barely beyond a whisper: bitter and sad and cold, just as that blood that run through his veins at the moment. It was tearing him apart inside, “I’m…I’m sorry sorry Du think that way…but…”
But his voice quite simply died.
It was the umpteenth time one of her Antwort got to him; and it was getting Mehr than he could bear. He couldn’t help it, couldn’t do anything about it: regardless of how much he tried to let them roll right off his back, it simply was tearing him apart inside.
Breaking him…
No matter what he did, no matter how he put it, it didn’t seem to be working. No matter whether he gentled his tone oder not, she just kept having at him. And he was starting to be unable to stand off and keep calm any longer…
Lisa nodded briefly, chewing nervously her upper lip, “Ok, now that we’ve established this is the umpteenth thing you’re sorry about…”
He felt something suddenly coiling up within him “Would Du just stop…”
“Why should I? it’s true…” she cut him off.
Eating away at him, snapping and tightening at the pit of his stomach. It wouldn’t quieten “Well, then I’d like to…”
“I’m afraid Du can’t…”
He dropped his arms, eventually bristling at it, eyes flashing up in angry resentment now “You didn’t even let me…”
“No I didn’t. And I think Du can lea…”
“WELL NO I CAN’T!” he found himself yelling.
She flinched this time, but didn’t even bother looking up, considering him worthy of any attention.
He tried to get his breath but he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
He was done bucking.
He stared down at her and his herz went back hammering within his chest, as if it wanted to leap out of it “’If Du don’t mind, instead, I feel it is MY business and MY concern when you’re NOT talking to me, avoiding MY calls and just refusing to explain me what’s the matter with you…” he trailed off breathless.
Lisa bit her lips, without turning. Her throat burned. She felt feverish.She shouldn’t be there with him. Her brain felt about to explode. She couldn’t last out anymore.
She stood up.
“I have a life Hugh….”
She didn’t know herself what she was doing oder where she would go with that: she started to pick up some from the ground.
“I have a family ….”
Hugh watched her silently, following her movements, herz pounding….
And then she knew, ‘cause her tone grew sourer before she could help herself. “…I have my job…my friends...” she wished she could find a way to stop.
“I thought I was one of those….” he said, barely audible.
A sharp pang made her breath away for a moment, “…and I have boyfriend ….” she sagte coldly “…might come as shock to Du but not everything revolves around you…”
There was an awkward, prolonged silence then, as if he wasn’t even there anymore. As if like a brush stroke her words had magically swept away his very presence; as if he had never really been there. Just like dream suddenly fading away, oder fought off. Only, she didn't know herself how to feel about it. Was it a dream oder a nightmare?
Something inside her drove her, so she pushed herself upright…
And she didn’t have to ask to know for the darkness shadowing his eyes felt simply crushing beyond words and then she truly wished he had been already gone and have left her alone so she would stop hurting them both like that.
Hugh, on his behalf, couldn’t remember ever feeling so shattered. So completely worn-out he wasn't even sure he was standing straight on his legs anymore.
And yet…yet there was something inside him that kept on winding uneasily.
He simply couldn’t understand how he could really be thinking, what he was thinking….
He kept on watching her, a dark look on his face, an hard stare in his eyes, the firm expression of one who’ll never forgive her for this.
One chilly shiver run down her spine, turning blood in her veins very cold. She felt suddenly stunned, bloodless. Her head was spinning. She breathed in deeply, silently, desperate to decompress whatever felt like been gnawing at her.
She couldn’t take it anymore.
“Anything else?” she asked defiantly.
Hugh simply watched her, without a word.
And on that he knew he must truly be just losing it.
Right then, right there….in that very moment.
For there she was, right in front of him now, telling him plain and simple he had just imagined it, that they were nothing but a wonderful memory, something clipped to the back of his mind whereas reality begged quite differently that she was very much ready to take off, flung her arms around somebody else, miles away from him, perfectly fine and better off without him, possibly ready to have a life of her own which he hadn’t even, oder ever, been contemplated been a part of.
And yet, he was about to tell her nothing of all of that was true.
Lisa felt her legs felt like wobbling all over again. She had never seen him like this. There was a strange lack of light in his eyes, emptiness and coldness. It frightened and saddened her at the same time: the warm glow she was so familiar with was gone. Maybe for ever for her.
She couldn't anymore...
She just headed to the door, “Is there’s nothing Mehr then, I really should…”
But the very moment she tried to pass, she had to halt abruptly slightly mouth-opened.
He had put an arm out to stop her.
A couple of crystal-clear severe blue eyes looked down at her “Yes, as a matter of fact, there is…” he said, as much calmly as he could.
He wasn’t fooling anyone though. Deep down inside him, he knew it. He knew he had never ceased to be a crazy tangle of fighting emotions ready to explode. They were still merging, confusing with each, as they clashed against one another, endlessly.
Lisa lifted up her eyes at him; a pair of wide, perfectly round pale, grey circles that today had the appearance of some fine onyx pebbles which had simply been carved into darkness itself.
And suddenly a lot of blood seemed to be rushing about in his ears as he couldn’t prevent his eyes from moving swiftly up and down her face, captivated Von every inch of it for a moment. oder himself from foolishly feeling the urge to send himself to hell, everything to hell, reaching out one arm simply to wiege her.
Simply wiege her, holding her close to him.
He forced himself to look up in her eyes. His head felt like being spinning around, for quite some time “I’d like to clarify this if Du don’t mind….”
She stared back at him, tensing “…and I just don’t….”
She spaced the words out, stressing them, making them sound like her final word on it; but then her eyes slip on his lips for a moment and suddenly blood was rushing to her head, flushing all over, dizzying her.
She had to get away from him…
She just couldn’t….
“You will…” he said.
She backed off a little, staring away, “No I won’t….” her breath got shorter, "Not now oder ever. So, if you’ll just please exc….”
“No I AM the one who won’t” he cut her off, shifting slightly forward.
Lisa watched him, stunned.
He made a little shrug. His herz wouldn’t stop drumming “We can go round and round, arguing over, as far as I'm concerned…”
She gaped and opened her mouth, clearly starting to get really mad at him, but he couldn’t talk himself into giving up “You're not going anywhere…you stay right here talking to me”
Her eyes were now flashing up at him. They lit up with rage and her voice began to pinch higher “I thought we had established Du don’t get to tell me what…”
“We did. But I disagree….”
She shook her head, narrowing her eyes, growing heated “You don’t get to disagree….”
He turned to her completely, facing her “I MUST get to DO something….it’s two of US in this…”
“There’s no US!!!" she yelled and he felt something stirring inside him, his temper rising up again, "….and there’s definitely any of THIS….”
He goggled, stepping vorwärts-, nach vorn again, unable to control himself “Well I disagree on that TOO!!!”
“You DON’T get to disagree…”
His herz leapt furiously “I MUST GET TO…”
She shoved him away, not as much gently as firmly.
It hurt him.
“YES!! Du get to get AWAY from me and leave me ALONE…..”
And so he clutched her.
He clutched her arm pushing her against the doorframe, preventing her from moving.
Lisa’s herz bucked violently this time, “What the hell Du think you’re doing?!”
He pursed his lips, feeling wound-up as ever before “Whatever it takes to get Du talking to me…”
Breath failed her. She went to wiggle out of his grip, but he didn’t let her, pinning her to the wall, instead, as blood pounded in his ears, making them ring and his head spin, as only one Frage bounced about in it.
“What changed?” he asked.
Lisa couldn’t get her breath. She didn’t even wonder what he meant. She tried to push him away feebly this time.
She couldn’t…
Hugh bent down over her one hand on each side now preventing her from moving further. “…WHAT changed?” he asked again. His tone was growing impatient and angrier. Frustrated….
He looked straight down into her eyes, standing only a few inches away.
She pressed herself against the wall.
“WHAT CHANGED Lisa?” he repeated.
He was starting to raise his voice now…
“Nothing changed…” she panted. She tried to wriggle out once Mehr "...and I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
He blocked her, pulling down one arm. He wasn’t willing to give up. Not anymore, “I mean, FROM YESTERDAY….What changed FROM YESTERDAY…”
Lisa lowered her stare.
He was too close…
“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” she repeated. Her herz felt about to leap out of her chest “…and I want Du to back off…”
He searched for her gaze not letting her pass. He had even gegeben up trying to stop his herz from thudding like mad whenever she tried to get away from him.
It just felt like a race against time. Fragen wouldn’t stop overlapping inside his head, clashing against each other.
He asked the first that leapt before his eyes; the one that still made blood flush all over his body, the only one still telling him it simply couldn’t be true.
“You kissed me yesterday remember?”
She shook her head, trying to escape his eyes “I didn’t….” she lied.
“You did…”
She turned her face, “No I didn’t…”
He pinned her even Mehr closely “You did…”
“That wasn’t a kiss….” she insisted. Her voice cracked lightly.
Too close….
She couldn’t…
He forced her to look up at him, lifting up her chin “Talk to me Lisa…”
Too close…
She couldn’t breathe….
“No, I didn’t….”
Blood wouldn’t stop thudding in his veins, “You did. And I grabbed your hand and you…”
She pushed him away, violently this time, just about over the edge, “That’s enough!”
“NO!! Forget it!” and he crashed himself against her holding her wrists down “Until Du tell ME….”
She yelled, "GET OFF ME!!!!”
Hugh did as she asked; releasing her immediately, panting away, stunned.
Lisa run away from him, just as overwhelmed.
Silence descended upon them.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, softly after a moment. He looked up, keeping his head slightly down, fists still clenched in frustration, searching for her. She was passing both hands over her face, now, pacing back and forth her living room, as if looking for a way to calm herself down.
He didn’t know what had just gotten into him, but suddenly as he saw her like this he realized how much this one single, angry blast of impotence and frustration that had just spewed out of his system might cost him and he felt like dying. He loosened up his fists, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…I’m not…Lisa please, come here, I…”
But she wasn't listening to him. She just kept rubbing her face, pacing up and down, frantically.
He attempted to edge forward, carefully “Liz, please, Du can’t really think I would ever…”
But she simply put one hand out herself this time, stopping him, saying nothing, not even looking at him as she did it, without ever stopping.
It hurt him, deeply, beyond words, but he did it. ‘Cause despite of how much he was regretting it, deep down inside he would do it all over again, ‘cause he just couldn’t let her go.
Everything to not make her leave.
Unless she gave him a reason to...
Problem was, Lisa wasn’t mad at him. Not at all.
Not a bit.
That wasn’t the issue.
All she needed right now was for her comfort zone to stay that way, as long as possible; keep a security distance between them, before she forgot all about the reasons she shouldn’t be putting her mind around how much close he was and how much she had just craved to be hold for a moment.
oder even worse…
Hugh kept on watching her, worried now “Will Du please…”
She shook her head, silencing him right then. And then she glanced up and it took her a courage she didn’t know she had until that very Minute ‘cause at times looking at him was just as painful as staying away, 'cause she constantly had the dreadful sensation that she one day, sooner oder later, her eyes would simply betray her and let him get through. Tease it away from her.
How he made her feel...
How she really felt....
She got her breath, “You really wanna know what changed?” she managed in a chocked whisper.
Hugh swallowed hard. He might have just ruined everything. She just kept pacing. Frantically. Up and down. Back and forth.
His voice sounded like coming from a very distance place "Yes…” he sagte “…please…”
She snorted and then a little, tinkling laugh felt like shaking her whole self, “You see…THIS is just…this is just why I can’t be here…” she spoke up agitating her hands back and forth in front of her.
Hugh shook his head, slowly. He couldn’t understand, “What?! Why…I...”
The thing she had been trying to keep quietly bottled up inside her pushed to get out “You see Du had just done it, once again…” she repeated, shaking her head. She nodded, then, tauntingly “…you used the please card….”
Hugh stared at her confused "The please card?!" She seemed unable to stay still, even for just a second. He didn't know what to do to calm her down. He edged vorwärts-, nach vorn again, "Liz ple..."
She run her tongue over her lips, tossing her head backwards “…just as sweetly and pleadingly as Du always do….and I just…I just can’t…”
She broke off, rubbing her face. It was like she wasn't even listening to him. As if she was just following her own reasoning.
He kept edging forward, trying to get closer, without scaring her further “How’s…how’s…even that supposed to be a bad thing? Liz I'm beg…”
She closed her eyes, shutting him out of her mind, keeping on rubbing her face, without ever stopping. She couldn’t face him. She felt idiotic enough already; so freaking dumb for having even just dared to believe things could really be different between them, that he TRULY wanted them to go differently.
“Lisa…”
She opened her eyes, gesticulating “’Cause it just is…” she whispered.
He finally got closer enough to attempt to grab her hand “Why?”
She turned round, pushing him away, “’Cause I just CAN’T!!!” she cried.
And on that Hugh suddenly simply suddenly froze.
Blood drained away from his system, as his conscience assessed the possibility that she might mean exactly what he had been so stubbornly refusing to believe.
The reason he was expecting her to give him...
His eyes moved swiftly all over her face, desperately trying to get something out it; out of her eyes, out of their cold light, out of the lack of her smiles, out of her…
The bare sound of it, as the Frage simply took shape in his head, pounding in his ears like a well-pointed and very sharp blade was even worse.
“This is about that John something, isn’t it?”
His Frage got Lost in the silence. The barely audible whisper he had made, so weak ‘cause his voice this time had truly sounded like quivering for the shock.
And then his legs simply turned lead, as in the dusk, Lisa lifted up her eyes to look at him, but it was like staring at one glaring light. Her lips parted, and she sighed, quietly shooting him one painful look.
Then nothing more.
And it struck him, like a thunder-stroke against a bright morning sky and after that it felt his herz had simply stopped beating.
One last single leapt.
High up into his throat.
Then nothing more.
"You...you..." his voice was barely beyond a whisper now. Choked. “You…you Liebe him, do you?”
Lisa stopped abruptly and squeezed her eyes, pinching between them with one hand. And so it felt like his chest had been just torn apart: she wasn't answering....
But she couldn’t instead.
She had to leave.
She just had to decide to leave…
He stepped forward, searching for her gaze, his herz thudding like he didn’t know it was even capable of.
He didn’t care, he couldn’t believe it.
“Lisa answer me, do you?”
She looked around.
She had to do it.
Just decide to do it…
“I gotta get out of here….” she said.
Something clattered in her hands.
And he found himself, without even thinking, sprinting on before she had the time to shoot herself across the room, past the door “No, hold on!”
She sighed exasperated, trying to wriggle out of him “Hugh, stop it!”
He let go of her hand, but jumped right in front of her before she could make another step. She drew away to one side and he followed, blocking her way. She whirled round and went to step away but he grabbed her, forcing her to turn to him.
Her voice started to crack, “Hugh, get out of the way…”
He found himself breathing hard, staying right in front of her, though, incapable to let her go.
“Hugh…”
"No, if Du do, I want to hear it from you…” he panted, but something pressed hard against his chest making his herz skip a beat.
She shook her head and tried to pass Von once more. He shoved her against the wall, fighting to snatch the keys out of her hands.
"You’re Schauspielen like a kid…” she hissed, as hiding them behind her back. They struggled for a while, until his fingers entwined with hers, briefly.
They locked eyes “Whatever it takes…” he sagte and he pried the keys free from her fingers, tossing them away.
"That's very mature…” she snorted. She tried to pull herself away but he now went back jumping in front of her, blocking her way, Mehr and Mehr incapable of holding himself back. And it wasn’t clear to him why he was doing this to himself, but he just knew, some part of him still knew it couldn’t be true, whereas the other part just felt self-destructively decided to rip himself off in one thousand different pieces.
"DO Du Lisa?" he repeated.
His eyes felt intimidating like ever before. She wanted disappear under that stare.
She swallowed “If I can’t go…YOU go” she sagte as calmly as she could.
But it wouldn't last. She knew it. If he didn't let her go...
“No” he said.
He didn’t Bewegen and didn’t know what was left of him right now, but he definitely felt on the verge to burst out, once and for all.
“Hugh…”
She went to pass by.
He pushed her back “No!!”
She quivered lightly, standing still, keeping her eyes down “Hugh let me go…”
“NO!” he repeated
She looked up “Hugh please….” But then one of his hands leant against the Wand and she felt like dying once again, ‘cause she simply couldn’t be that close to him. She tried to fiddle “HUGH! I’m begging you…”
He started to raise his voice, unable to keep up with it anymore “No, I AM THE ONE who’s begging Du Lisa!!! If you’re not in Liebe with him, then what!?”
She almost wriggled out of his arms this time “I’m leaving…”
And on that very moment he just Lost it.
He couldn’t last out any longer.
And then they were at it once again, as he was back pinning her against the Wand and her eyes flashed up at him just like before, full of heart-wrenching hatred.
“GET YOUR HANDS..."
His face flushed up in anger too "I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU!"
"THEN BACK THE F..."
"NO" he cried over her voice "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, WE STAY RIGHT HERE....”
"DON’T Du DARE TELL ME...”
“I DO DARE!!! UNTIL Du TELL ME….”
“I HAVE TOLD Du WHATEV…”
He started gesticulating, “YOU HAVEN’T! Du HAVEN’T TELL ME...."
"I'VE NOTHING...."
"YOU CAN'T LEAVE LIKE THIS!" he yelled at her.
"LIKE WHAT?!" she gaped "WHAT ELSE..."
His herz leapt again, as if some part of him was simply drowning "EVERYTHING!!!" He was towering over her, now, face to face, blood flushing through their veins "EXCPET THAT YOU'RE SIMPLY FUCKING LEAVING!!!”
She yelled back at him with all the strength she had left then “WHAT ELSE SHOULD I TELL Du MORE!!!"
He sagte it then, right there, without warning “THAT Du FEEL NOTHING FOR ME!!!!”
And then a new unexpected, sudden yell covered his words “YOU CAN’T HAVE US BOTH! DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!!!I CAN'T HAVE HALF OF YOU!!!”
It had just ripped out of her mouth.
Just like that.
Just as much as it had ripped out of his.
And if everything had to leap out at them in that very moment, so be it.
They both stood there, panting away for a moment, their lips inches away from each others', simply staring, hearts hammering, blood pounding against their temples, heads spinning round...
Until Hugh began to back off, looking at her differently. Something in her stomach withered and coiled as she realised what had she just said.
Then, after several long moments, he furrowed.
The words blew out of his lips softly in a little breathless whisper “Is this about Jo?”
LOL, sorry, I know, I'm evil. Hope Du like it!
She was surprised herself at how long she was managing to hold his stare this time. It wasn’t like her being this good. She had never been with him. She might have been fooling herself for the latest years but the truth was every time he did it, every time he looked at her the way he was doing right now, with those clear blue eyes searching into hers, she simply felt like she might have gotten Lost if she didn’t stare away. So, yes, this was probably a first. And it was surprising she was been able to hold on for so long without quite feeling the urge to drop her eyes, away from him…
Hugh crossed his arms over his chest, keeping on watching her...
But then again, perhaps it wasn’t that she was getting better at it.
No….
She simply couldn’t find the words this time, as his answer had completely caught her unprepared.
Hugh pursed his lips into a thin line, “I just don’t believe you....” he repeated. It felt like he couldn’t rip his eyes away from her, even like this; as if he feared, if he did, she simply would be gone; vanished before his very eyes.
On her behalf, Lisa wasn’t even sure she was succeeding in hiding it from him: the way she felt…dangerously on the verge to lose her wits and any grip on herself. oder even the very way he made her feel.
Even now, even like this, her herz hadn’t slowed down of a single beat yet. Not even for a second. And she kept feeling dreadfully wound-up no matter what he said, no matter what she did, no matter what she told herself she should feel.
oder shouldn’t…
Eventually the best she managed was averting her eyes from him, surrendering as resting on her forearms.
“I just don’t…” he sagte again, softly after a while.
She snorted. It was unbelievable. She just kept getting angrier and angrier at herself rather than at him. And the Mehr he stayed, the closer they get, the clearer it became to her: she had to get away from him. Made him leave. One way oder another.
She got her breath, but couldn’t prevent her voice form quivering lightly all the same as she sagte it “That’s none of my business if Du don’t….”
Hugh couldn’t talk for a moment. Words froze into his mouth.
“Well…I’m, I’m sorry…” he muttered, softly. His voice was barely beyond a whisper: bitter and sad and cold, just as that blood that run through his veins at the moment. It was tearing him apart inside, “I’m…I’m sorry sorry Du think that way…but…”
But his voice quite simply died.
It was the umpteenth time one of her Antwort got to him; and it was getting Mehr than he could bear. He couldn’t help it, couldn’t do anything about it: regardless of how much he tried to let them roll right off his back, it simply was tearing him apart inside.
Breaking him…
No matter what he did, no matter how he put it, it didn’t seem to be working. No matter whether he gentled his tone oder not, she just kept having at him. And he was starting to be unable to stand off and keep calm any longer…
Lisa nodded briefly, chewing nervously her upper lip, “Ok, now that we’ve established this is the umpteenth thing you’re sorry about…”
He felt something suddenly coiling up within him “Would Du just stop…”
“Why should I? it’s true…” she cut him off.
Eating away at him, snapping and tightening at the pit of his stomach. It wouldn’t quieten “Well, then I’d like to…”
“I’m afraid Du can’t…”
He dropped his arms, eventually bristling at it, eyes flashing up in angry resentment now “You didn’t even let me…”
“No I didn’t. And I think Du can lea…”
“WELL NO I CAN’T!” he found himself yelling.
She flinched this time, but didn’t even bother looking up, considering him worthy of any attention.
He tried to get his breath but he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
He was done bucking.
He stared down at her and his herz went back hammering within his chest, as if it wanted to leap out of it “’If Du don’t mind, instead, I feel it is MY business and MY concern when you’re NOT talking to me, avoiding MY calls and just refusing to explain me what’s the matter with you…” he trailed off breathless.
Lisa bit her lips, without turning. Her throat burned. She felt feverish.She shouldn’t be there with him. Her brain felt about to explode. She couldn’t last out anymore.
She stood up.
“I have a life Hugh….”
She didn’t know herself what she was doing oder where she would go with that: she started to pick up some from the ground.
“I have a family ….”
Hugh watched her silently, following her movements, herz pounding….
And then she knew, ‘cause her tone grew sourer before she could help herself. “…I have my job…my friends...” she wished she could find a way to stop.
“I thought I was one of those….” he said, barely audible.
A sharp pang made her breath away for a moment, “…and I have boyfriend ….” she sagte coldly “…might come as shock to Du but not everything revolves around you…”
There was an awkward, prolonged silence then, as if he wasn’t even there anymore. As if like a brush stroke her words had magically swept away his very presence; as if he had never really been there. Just like dream suddenly fading away, oder fought off. Only, she didn't know herself how to feel about it. Was it a dream oder a nightmare?
Something inside her drove her, so she pushed herself upright…
And she didn’t have to ask to know for the darkness shadowing his eyes felt simply crushing beyond words and then she truly wished he had been already gone and have left her alone so she would stop hurting them both like that.
Hugh, on his behalf, couldn’t remember ever feeling so shattered. So completely worn-out he wasn't even sure he was standing straight on his legs anymore.
And yet…yet there was something inside him that kept on winding uneasily.
He simply couldn’t understand how he could really be thinking, what he was thinking….
He kept on watching her, a dark look on his face, an hard stare in his eyes, the firm expression of one who’ll never forgive her for this.
One chilly shiver run down her spine, turning blood in her veins very cold. She felt suddenly stunned, bloodless. Her head was spinning. She breathed in deeply, silently, desperate to decompress whatever felt like been gnawing at her.
She couldn’t take it anymore.
“Anything else?” she asked defiantly.
Hugh simply watched her, without a word.
And on that he knew he must truly be just losing it.
Right then, right there….in that very moment.
For there she was, right in front of him now, telling him plain and simple he had just imagined it, that they were nothing but a wonderful memory, something clipped to the back of his mind whereas reality begged quite differently that she was very much ready to take off, flung her arms around somebody else, miles away from him, perfectly fine and better off without him, possibly ready to have a life of her own which he hadn’t even, oder ever, been contemplated been a part of.
And yet, he was about to tell her nothing of all of that was true.
Lisa felt her legs felt like wobbling all over again. She had never seen him like this. There was a strange lack of light in his eyes, emptiness and coldness. It frightened and saddened her at the same time: the warm glow she was so familiar with was gone. Maybe for ever for her.
She couldn't anymore...
She just headed to the door, “Is there’s nothing Mehr then, I really should…”
But the very moment she tried to pass, she had to halt abruptly slightly mouth-opened.
He had put an arm out to stop her.
A couple of crystal-clear severe blue eyes looked down at her “Yes, as a matter of fact, there is…” he said, as much calmly as he could.
He wasn’t fooling anyone though. Deep down inside him, he knew it. He knew he had never ceased to be a crazy tangle of fighting emotions ready to explode. They were still merging, confusing with each, as they clashed against one another, endlessly.
Lisa lifted up her eyes at him; a pair of wide, perfectly round pale, grey circles that today had the appearance of some fine onyx pebbles which had simply been carved into darkness itself.
And suddenly a lot of blood seemed to be rushing about in his ears as he couldn’t prevent his eyes from moving swiftly up and down her face, captivated Von every inch of it for a moment. oder himself from foolishly feeling the urge to send himself to hell, everything to hell, reaching out one arm simply to wiege her.
Simply wiege her, holding her close to him.
He forced himself to look up in her eyes. His head felt like being spinning around, for quite some time “I’d like to clarify this if Du don’t mind….”
She stared back at him, tensing “…and I just don’t….”
She spaced the words out, stressing them, making them sound like her final word on it; but then her eyes slip on his lips for a moment and suddenly blood was rushing to her head, flushing all over, dizzying her.
She had to get away from him…
She just couldn’t….
“You will…” he said.
She backed off a little, staring away, “No I won’t….” her breath got shorter, "Not now oder ever. So, if you’ll just please exc….”
“No I AM the one who won’t” he cut her off, shifting slightly forward.
Lisa watched him, stunned.
He made a little shrug. His herz wouldn’t stop drumming “We can go round and round, arguing over, as far as I'm concerned…”
She gaped and opened her mouth, clearly starting to get really mad at him, but he couldn’t talk himself into giving up “You're not going anywhere…you stay right here talking to me”
Her eyes were now flashing up at him. They lit up with rage and her voice began to pinch higher “I thought we had established Du don’t get to tell me what…”
“We did. But I disagree….”
She shook her head, narrowing her eyes, growing heated “You don’t get to disagree….”
He turned to her completely, facing her “I MUST get to DO something….it’s two of US in this…”
“There’s no US!!!" she yelled and he felt something stirring inside him, his temper rising up again, "….and there’s definitely any of THIS….”
He goggled, stepping vorwärts-, nach vorn again, unable to control himself “Well I disagree on that TOO!!!”
“You DON’T get to disagree…”
His herz leapt furiously “I MUST GET TO…”
She shoved him away, not as much gently as firmly.
It hurt him.
“YES!! Du get to get AWAY from me and leave me ALONE…..”
And so he clutched her.
He clutched her arm pushing her against the doorframe, preventing her from moving.
Lisa’s herz bucked violently this time, “What the hell Du think you’re doing?!”
He pursed his lips, feeling wound-up as ever before “Whatever it takes to get Du talking to me…”
Breath failed her. She went to wiggle out of his grip, but he didn’t let her, pinning her to the wall, instead, as blood pounded in his ears, making them ring and his head spin, as only one Frage bounced about in it.
“What changed?” he asked.
Lisa couldn’t get her breath. She didn’t even wonder what he meant. She tried to push him away feebly this time.
She couldn’t…
Hugh bent down over her one hand on each side now preventing her from moving further. “…WHAT changed?” he asked again. His tone was growing impatient and angrier. Frustrated….
He looked straight down into her eyes, standing only a few inches away.
She pressed herself against the wall.
“WHAT CHANGED Lisa?” he repeated.
He was starting to raise his voice now…
“Nothing changed…” she panted. She tried to wriggle out once Mehr "...and I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
He blocked her, pulling down one arm. He wasn’t willing to give up. Not anymore, “I mean, FROM YESTERDAY….What changed FROM YESTERDAY…”
Lisa lowered her stare.
He was too close…
“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” she repeated. Her herz felt about to leap out of her chest “…and I want Du to back off…”
He searched for her gaze not letting her pass. He had even gegeben up trying to stop his herz from thudding like mad whenever she tried to get away from him.
It just felt like a race against time. Fragen wouldn’t stop overlapping inside his head, clashing against each other.
He asked the first that leapt before his eyes; the one that still made blood flush all over his body, the only one still telling him it simply couldn’t be true.
“You kissed me yesterday remember?”
She shook her head, trying to escape his eyes “I didn’t….” she lied.
“You did…”
She turned her face, “No I didn’t…”
He pinned her even Mehr closely “You did…”
“That wasn’t a kiss….” she insisted. Her voice cracked lightly.
Too close….
She couldn’t…
He forced her to look up at him, lifting up her chin “Talk to me Lisa…”
Too close…
She couldn’t breathe….
“No, I didn’t….”
Blood wouldn’t stop thudding in his veins, “You did. And I grabbed your hand and you…”
She pushed him away, violently this time, just about over the edge, “That’s enough!”
“NO!! Forget it!” and he crashed himself against her holding her wrists down “Until Du tell ME….”
She yelled, "GET OFF ME!!!!”
Hugh did as she asked; releasing her immediately, panting away, stunned.
Lisa run away from him, just as overwhelmed.
Silence descended upon them.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, softly after a moment. He looked up, keeping his head slightly down, fists still clenched in frustration, searching for her. She was passing both hands over her face, now, pacing back and forth her living room, as if looking for a way to calm herself down.
He didn’t know what had just gotten into him, but suddenly as he saw her like this he realized how much this one single, angry blast of impotence and frustration that had just spewed out of his system might cost him and he felt like dying. He loosened up his fists, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…I’m not…Lisa please, come here, I…”
But she wasn't listening to him. She just kept rubbing her face, pacing up and down, frantically.
He attempted to edge forward, carefully “Liz, please, Du can’t really think I would ever…”
But she simply put one hand out herself this time, stopping him, saying nothing, not even looking at him as she did it, without ever stopping.
It hurt him, deeply, beyond words, but he did it. ‘Cause despite of how much he was regretting it, deep down inside he would do it all over again, ‘cause he just couldn’t let her go.
Everything to not make her leave.
Unless she gave him a reason to...
Problem was, Lisa wasn’t mad at him. Not at all.
Not a bit.
That wasn’t the issue.
All she needed right now was for her comfort zone to stay that way, as long as possible; keep a security distance between them, before she forgot all about the reasons she shouldn’t be putting her mind around how much close he was and how much she had just craved to be hold for a moment.
oder even worse…
Hugh kept on watching her, worried now “Will Du please…”
She shook her head, silencing him right then. And then she glanced up and it took her a courage she didn’t know she had until that very Minute ‘cause at times looking at him was just as painful as staying away, 'cause she constantly had the dreadful sensation that she one day, sooner oder later, her eyes would simply betray her and let him get through. Tease it away from her.
How he made her feel...
How she really felt....
She got her breath, “You really wanna know what changed?” she managed in a chocked whisper.
Hugh swallowed hard. He might have just ruined everything. She just kept pacing. Frantically. Up and down. Back and forth.
His voice sounded like coming from a very distance place "Yes…” he sagte “…please…”
She snorted and then a little, tinkling laugh felt like shaking her whole self, “You see…THIS is just…this is just why I can’t be here…” she spoke up agitating her hands back and forth in front of her.
Hugh shook his head, slowly. He couldn’t understand, “What?! Why…I...”
The thing she had been trying to keep quietly bottled up inside her pushed to get out “You see Du had just done it, once again…” she repeated, shaking her head. She nodded, then, tauntingly “…you used the please card….”
Hugh stared at her confused "The please card?!" She seemed unable to stay still, even for just a second. He didn't know what to do to calm her down. He edged vorwärts-, nach vorn again, "Liz ple..."
She run her tongue over her lips, tossing her head backwards “…just as sweetly and pleadingly as Du always do….and I just…I just can’t…”
She broke off, rubbing her face. It was like she wasn't even listening to him. As if she was just following her own reasoning.
He kept edging forward, trying to get closer, without scaring her further “How’s…how’s…even that supposed to be a bad thing? Liz I'm beg…”
She closed her eyes, shutting him out of her mind, keeping on rubbing her face, without ever stopping. She couldn’t face him. She felt idiotic enough already; so freaking dumb for having even just dared to believe things could really be different between them, that he TRULY wanted them to go differently.
“Lisa…”
She opened her eyes, gesticulating “’Cause it just is…” she whispered.
He finally got closer enough to attempt to grab her hand “Why?”
She turned round, pushing him away, “’Cause I just CAN’T!!!” she cried.
And on that Hugh suddenly simply suddenly froze.
Blood drained away from his system, as his conscience assessed the possibility that she might mean exactly what he had been so stubbornly refusing to believe.
The reason he was expecting her to give him...
His eyes moved swiftly all over her face, desperately trying to get something out it; out of her eyes, out of their cold light, out of the lack of her smiles, out of her…
The bare sound of it, as the Frage simply took shape in his head, pounding in his ears like a well-pointed and very sharp blade was even worse.
“This is about that John something, isn’t it?”
His Frage got Lost in the silence. The barely audible whisper he had made, so weak ‘cause his voice this time had truly sounded like quivering for the shock.
And then his legs simply turned lead, as in the dusk, Lisa lifted up her eyes to look at him, but it was like staring at one glaring light. Her lips parted, and she sighed, quietly shooting him one painful look.
Then nothing more.
And it struck him, like a thunder-stroke against a bright morning sky and after that it felt his herz had simply stopped beating.
One last single leapt.
High up into his throat.
Then nothing more.
"You...you..." his voice was barely beyond a whisper now. Choked. “You…you Liebe him, do you?”
Lisa stopped abruptly and squeezed her eyes, pinching between them with one hand. And so it felt like his chest had been just torn apart: she wasn't answering....
But she couldn’t instead.
She had to leave.
She just had to decide to leave…
He stepped forward, searching for her gaze, his herz thudding like he didn’t know it was even capable of.
He didn’t care, he couldn’t believe it.
“Lisa answer me, do you?”
She looked around.
She had to do it.
Just decide to do it…
“I gotta get out of here….” she said.
Something clattered in her hands.
And he found himself, without even thinking, sprinting on before she had the time to shoot herself across the room, past the door “No, hold on!”
She sighed exasperated, trying to wriggle out of him “Hugh, stop it!”
He let go of her hand, but jumped right in front of her before she could make another step. She drew away to one side and he followed, blocking her way. She whirled round and went to step away but he grabbed her, forcing her to turn to him.
Her voice started to crack, “Hugh, get out of the way…”
He found himself breathing hard, staying right in front of her, though, incapable to let her go.
“Hugh…”
"No, if Du do, I want to hear it from you…” he panted, but something pressed hard against his chest making his herz skip a beat.
She shook her head and tried to pass Von once more. He shoved her against the wall, fighting to snatch the keys out of her hands.
"You’re Schauspielen like a kid…” she hissed, as hiding them behind her back. They struggled for a while, until his fingers entwined with hers, briefly.
They locked eyes “Whatever it takes…” he sagte and he pried the keys free from her fingers, tossing them away.
"That's very mature…” she snorted. She tried to pull herself away but he now went back jumping in front of her, blocking her way, Mehr and Mehr incapable of holding himself back. And it wasn’t clear to him why he was doing this to himself, but he just knew, some part of him still knew it couldn’t be true, whereas the other part just felt self-destructively decided to rip himself off in one thousand different pieces.
"DO Du Lisa?" he repeated.
His eyes felt intimidating like ever before. She wanted disappear under that stare.
She swallowed “If I can’t go…YOU go” she sagte as calmly as she could.
But it wouldn't last. She knew it. If he didn't let her go...
“No” he said.
He didn’t Bewegen and didn’t know what was left of him right now, but he definitely felt on the verge to burst out, once and for all.
“Hugh…”
She went to pass by.
He pushed her back “No!!”
She quivered lightly, standing still, keeping her eyes down “Hugh let me go…”
“NO!” he repeated
She looked up “Hugh please….” But then one of his hands leant against the Wand and she felt like dying once again, ‘cause she simply couldn’t be that close to him. She tried to fiddle “HUGH! I’m begging you…”
He started to raise his voice, unable to keep up with it anymore “No, I AM THE ONE who’s begging Du Lisa!!! If you’re not in Liebe with him, then what!?”
She almost wriggled out of his arms this time “I’m leaving…”
And on that very moment he just Lost it.
He couldn’t last out any longer.
And then they were at it once again, as he was back pinning her against the Wand and her eyes flashed up at him just like before, full of heart-wrenching hatred.
“GET YOUR HANDS..."
His face flushed up in anger too "I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU!"
"THEN BACK THE F..."
"NO" he cried over her voice "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, WE STAY RIGHT HERE....”
"DON’T Du DARE TELL ME...”
“I DO DARE!!! UNTIL Du TELL ME….”
“I HAVE TOLD Du WHATEV…”
He started gesticulating, “YOU HAVEN’T! Du HAVEN’T TELL ME...."
"I'VE NOTHING...."
"YOU CAN'T LEAVE LIKE THIS!" he yelled at her.
"LIKE WHAT?!" she gaped "WHAT ELSE..."
His herz leapt again, as if some part of him was simply drowning "EVERYTHING!!!" He was towering over her, now, face to face, blood flushing through their veins "EXCPET THAT YOU'RE SIMPLY FUCKING LEAVING!!!”
She yelled back at him with all the strength she had left then “WHAT ELSE SHOULD I TELL Du MORE!!!"
He sagte it then, right there, without warning “THAT Du FEEL NOTHING FOR ME!!!!”
And then a new unexpected, sudden yell covered his words “YOU CAN’T HAVE US BOTH! DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!!!I CAN'T HAVE HALF OF YOU!!!”
It had just ripped out of her mouth.
Just like that.
Just as much as it had ripped out of his.
And if everything had to leap out at them in that very moment, so be it.
They both stood there, panting away for a moment, their lips inches away from each others', simply staring, hearts hammering, blood pounding against their temples, heads spinning round...
Until Hugh began to back off, looking at her differently. Something in her stomach withered and coiled as she realised what had she just said.
Then, after several long moments, he furrowed.
The words blew out of his lips softly in a little breathless whisper “Is this about Jo?”
