Twilight Book Paroides

*I'm sorry if I offended anyone on this spot, I just did this to be funny, not mean..same with my Twilight fangirl article*

1) If Du know a girl who despises Twilight and is crazy about hating it, send them a box with a poster of Edward with the words "My Dream Guy" on the poster
2) Tell a Twilight hater that Ron Weasley is Emmett's b***h
3) Tell them that REAL men sparkle
4) When a group of Twilight haters are surrounding you, stand in the middle of the group and shout out "I'M A CULLEN, EVERYONE!" then sing "I am a vampire" Von Antsy Pantsy
link
5) Write a letter to President Obama convincing him...

I felt like Schreiben this Artikel after Lesen a fellow ex-CAT member's Artikel on Twilight haters. I also had a 'talk' with another ex-CAT member.

"4) Twi-haters, this isn’t a hater oder anti spot. Don’t abuse it. Do not make personal attacks against Stephenie Meyer oder her fans, and don’t throw nasty oder immature insults at Twilight. This is supposed to be “Critical Analysis of Twilight”, not “Mindless Bashing of Twilight”."
~Dearheart link

"And Twi-haters – it’s okay to poke Twilight and be deliciously witty and sarcastic...but don’t get nasty. There is a fine line between...

In my opinion Bella cannot do anything but whinge I have got here a direct quote from SM's Eclipse,
"Whenever I talked about jacob, His tawny eyes seemed to get a little bit darker my voice turned pleading in response."
Translation: Pleading = whiny
When Edward Leaves in new moon she goes into a "deep depression" I.e is so hung up on Edward that when he leaves she practically goes insane, and yet she still does not place the blame firmly where it belongs at Jasper Hales gaddamned door and he was all like Hey are we cool? I would have been like No way get away from me Du freak Du tried to kill...

We have a discussion on the Foren here about noteworthy things in twilight. I picked Angela, and now I realize that Jessica is noteworthy, too.


We'll start with Jessica!Hate. Besides Lauren, Jessica is probably the most hated human friend that Bella has. Reasons Twilighters give for this are 'Jessica is a brat', 'she ignores her in book two', 'she's too hyper', and 'i just don't like her'. Some of those are just ridiculous. 'Jessica is a brat'. How? How is Jessica a brat? Answer: She isn't. 'she ignores bella in book two' I'll elaborate on this one later, because it's pretty big. 'shes...

If Du have ever doubted the insanity of the C.A.T. Kittens, this will cease your doubts. I think it got long enough to be put into Artikel Forum thread. This makes absolutely no sense, does have swearwords, includes lots exremely odd things, and is kind of innapropriate. You've been warned.

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One Tag Bella fell over while being chased Von Steve the Spider, while Edward and Jacob were kissing. Pausing every once in a while to get a dazzling breath when Alice walked in on them and sagte - "Edward, what are Du doing? Du know Bella is over there. Wait...you're GAY?"

"Yes, but don't tell Bella...

Is it just me oder is SM into brainwashing? She has systamatically taken over the world with her books. Weiter she will be Americas first ever hem hem SPARKLY PRESIDENT (no offence Barrack Du rock) and twi hardiness has been taken to a whole knew level people religions such as CULLENISM yes Du guys heard me cul-llen-ism.
Here is the cullenism 10 'commandments'

1.thou shalt wear Gold contact lenses-even to sleep!
2. thou shalt only drink cherryade oder cranberry saft (bassically its gotta be red)
3. thou shalt not take the lords name in vain (robert pattinson) cept when Du are screaming it at his...

I gepostet this a couple other spots, but I would really like to know anti-twilight/neutral Fans opinions. I sort of ranted on the subject, but I think my intent is pretty clear. I'd Liebe to read Kommentare if Du have any, oder Du can just skip this Artikel :)

This is sort of an informal rant/observation.

We all know that New Moon is about tragedy and the loss of Liebe and the aftermath. Edward left Bella. But why did he leave her?

Since New Moon is being adapted into a feature length film, I've been seeing alot of Fragen and accusations reguarding Edward's absense.

Examples:
- Jacob's better...

Hey ya kittens! I was wondering in how many words could I write Twilight giving the same character development as Meyer and saying obviously the main plot so don’t bash…I had a lot of fun doing it XDD It’s not to offend anyone but think about it trees could have been saved if Meyer had stuck with this version.

So on with reading

Hi! My name is Bella Swan, I’m moving to Forks because I want to leave my mom with his new boyfriend live happily ever after although I hate where my father leaves. Forks it’s a rainy state and so I’m in an airplane to go to it.

When I arrive there’s my...

Hello, Kätzchen and newcomers to the CAT! Don’t worry, none of Du are in trouble oder anything; I just feel that things have gotten a teensy bit out of hand, so I’m Schreiben this as a reminder to all of Du before it gets worse.

Newcomers, if Du haven’t already, link It’s very important that people follow them so that we can keep this spot from turning ugly.

For those of Du who’ve already read them, let’s review Rule 5:

Make sure the material Du Abschicken stays true to the spirit of this spot. Whether it’s a soapbox, image, video, etc...please make sure it doesn’t have excessive language,...

1) Bring a good sense of humor. Don’t ever take things personally, and try not to be too sensitive. Otherwise you’ll be miserable. Just let loose, have fun, and be willing to laugh.

2) If someone offends you, don’t blow up. Respond in a polite, mature way, point out what offended Du and why Du find it offensive. If it’s something serious oder happens to be one of the things forbidden in Rule 5, chances are people will back Du up and the problem will work out. If it isn’t, reread Rule 1.

3) Twi-hards, this isn’t a place to drool over Edward oder gush about how amazing the Twilight...

Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. She's the blond girl in twilight. The one tricked Von a modeling scam, the one that hates Bella. We first meet Lauren in the cafeteria, I believe. Almost all Twilight Fans do not like her. I mean no disrespect to the ones on this spot oder any others, but I do not think she has a reason to be hated. Reasons people give for hating Lauren are similar to the reasons for hating Jessica. "She's rude", "She's mean to bella and stupid", even "she's blond." That last one made no sense to me. The reason Lauren "hates" Bella is because her crush, Tyler, is infatuated with...

I'm so glad to have found a spot that isn't full of people gushing over how hot Robert Pattinson is. Since the movie came out, the original idea of the series has deteriorated.

I used to feel proud to call myself a 'Twilight' fan. I first read it in 2005, and to be quite honest I loved how nobody had read it, it seemed really special. So called 'Fans' who now go around using the word 'Twilighter' just because they have seen the film have ruined it for everyone else.

Fair enough, it's nobodies fault it has been made into an overated hyped movie, but if they really understood what it meant before...

Despite whatever impressions Du may have garnered from the Titel of this article, this is not about glorifying Twilight over His Dark Materials. It's about scolding the movie industry for giving New moon the green light while simultaneously giving The Subtle Knife the red light.

I know that Hollywood is a business, just as book selling is a buisness, above all else. The only time films are made for the sake of making films anymore is if they're independent. I admit that the occasional brilliantly artistic film makes it into the mainstream, and when it does, it's often recognized and lauded....

I've talked about some of the things that crossed my mind when Lesen Twilight in the past. Thoughts such as "when is Bella going to freak out about the Edward watching her sleep thing?" "Did that say sparkling? I've re-read that passage like, four times and it still seems to say sparkling" "Does Stephanie Meyer think deer is a vegetable? no, really does she? Does she think Du can call yourself a vegetarian if Du don't eat things like people oder those monkeys who know sign language?"
But those are valid thoughts that many people Lesen the Bücher also thought (well, maybe not specifically...

Yes, it's true, everyone! Twilight has changed our world in several ways!!

No longer are streets near movie theaters and bookstores safe! I haven't seen even one free from screaming fangirls (and yes, screaming fanboys) when the new Filme come out and even after it's all been done for about a Monat oder so. Yeah, there are still girls running around in "I <3 guys that sparkle" t-shirts carring on about how great the twilight movie was at the movie theater in my town.

The world now has fewer trees than ever before, just because there where over millions of pieces of paper used for the twilight...