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HELP: wrinting a editorial for english needs to be 300-500 words i got 200 need Mehr ideas.

The Frage is:
Assume Du are Brinker Hadley, the editor of the Devon Gazette (the school newspaper). Student risk taking and therefore accidents areon the rise and then Phineas not only falls from a baum but dies after falling on the school stairs running away from the Inquiry to his accident. In an editorial, discuss the even as a sample of the outrageous risks that students in the summer of 1942 are being allowed to take whil in school.

This is what I have so far:
In the summer of 1942 lack of supervision resulted in the death of a well respected student. Should someone be blamed?

    It all started one Tag with the decision to do a double jump out of a baum that ended badly with Phineas with a broken leg. After some time Home Phineas returned, shortly after he returned he was questioned about his injury with all the confusion of what happened, Phineas ran out of the building and slipped on the steps. This soon leads to his death in surgery. Would Mehr supervision have prevented this tragic accident?
    
Tragedies like these happen too often when we think people are in a safe, sicher place but things still happen. Some things that can be done to prevent tragic accidents from happening are Mehr supervision, teach students to be safe, sicher and responsible and have a curfew.

There should be Mehr teachers/ supervision in the school and a Mehr structured lesson plan so there is not so much time for students to fool around and get hurt oder into trouble. If this is done it will assure that things are getting done and students are safe. This will also stop them from doing risky things.

 stephy_rules posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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Creative Outlet Antwort

Cinders said:
First of all, Du should make it clear in the first place that you're Schreiben this as an exercise of analyzing Jack Knowels' "A Separate Peace."

Secondly, I'm sorry, but I haven't read the novel, so I don't think I'll be of much help. Could Du give me some background on the novel, maybe?

EDIT: I CAN help Du with grammar.

"After some time Home Phineas returned, shortly after he returned he was questioned about his injury with all the confusion of what happened, Phineas ran out of the building and slipped on the steps."

You're a bit redundant here. Also, this is a run-on sentence. Change some commas to periods. Consider this bit, too: "After some time Home Phineas returned, shortly after he returned..." You're repeating yourself, see? I'd take out one of those clauses.

There are a few other redundancies in your text which I think you'll discover as Du reread it.

As for suggestions to help make the piece meatier, Du say a lot about what should be done but Du don't explore how these things should be implemented. What if the school is short-staffed and can't spare teachers to watch kids at all times? What if they don't have the money to hire more? What do Du mean when Du say "teach students to be safe, sicher and responsible"? safe, sicher in what way? Will a Mehr structured lesson plan and less time to relax stress the students out more?

Also, Du introduced the idea of blaming someone in your first paragraph, but never suggest who you, the editor, think should be blamed for the incident. Du imply that it's the teachers and lack of supervision, but if this is really an editorial, your opinions should be far Mehr apparent and scathing. Think of yourself as a movie critic. Editorials are opinionated. They're one of the few pieces of journalism that's allowed to be opinionated. So... give your piece an opinion!
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posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr 
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the background is pretty much in the Sekunde paragraph thats what the whole story revolves around. thanks
stephy_rules posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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*Edited. :o)
Cinders posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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thanks
stephy_rules posted Vor mehr als einem Jahr
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