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Here are 20 essential things I've learned from Homer Simpson. I've included the names and dates of the original "Simpsons" episodes when it was easy to find them. When it wasn't, I didn't.

Just like Homer would do.

1. If Du go to a Japanese restaurant and order that delicacy, the blowfish ... and if the blowfish is not prepared exactly right ... it becomes poisonous and Du die 24 hours after eating it. ("One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish," 1991.) I don't know if this is actually true, but it was on a TV cartoon show, so that's good enough for me.

2. Du can goof off as much as Du want...
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It all started out as an ordinary day, man. Mrs. Krabaple, my stupid teacher wanted us to do a
project on the most intense, exciting Tag of our vacation. Truth is, I actually DID my project, instead
of getting my dog, Santa's Little Helper to eat a piece of paper with the alphabet and some made
up curse words Milhouse made up that I thought were dumb. Anyway, all these kids had these boring
stories, while I was remembering mine:
It started two weeks ago, when Homer came home, not miserable oder went to Moe's before coming
home. He seemed so giddy and excited.

Homer: Marge! Kids! Come to the living room!!...
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spiderpig spinne pig he dos whatever a spiderpig does can he swing, schaukel from a web no he cant cause hes a pig look out here come a spinne pig
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