I don't own any of these
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1. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
2. Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
3. Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
4. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
5. What do Du call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?
I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.
6. Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."
So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet Du want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if Du don't mind."
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the strand one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand Jahr imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant Du three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!
"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my Weiter wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in Liebe and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"
The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, Du know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
7. How do Du wake up Lady Gaga?
Du set an alarm for a reasonable hour.
8. Why did the chicken kreuz the road? To get to the other side.
9. Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a loaf of bread
10. If Chuck Norris has $5 and Du have $5, Du both have the same amount of money
___________________________________________
That's it for now.
_____________________________________________
1. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
2. Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
3. Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
4. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
5. What do Du call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?
I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.
6. Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."
So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet Du want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if Du don't mind."
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the strand one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand Jahr imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant Du three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!
"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my Weiter wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in Liebe and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"
The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, Du know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
7. How do Du wake up Lady Gaga?
Du set an alarm for a reasonable hour.
8. Why did the chicken kreuz the road? To get to the other side.
9. Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a loaf of bread
10. If Chuck Norris has $5 and Du have $5, Du both have the same amount of money
___________________________________________
That's it for now.
