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“The Penguins of Madagascar”
Season 4, Episode 2 (4X02)
Production Code: 402
Air date: ?
Previous: “Cat Burglar” Next: “Seeing Red”

I Spy/ Transcript

“I Spy”, “The Penguins of Madagascar”

Scene I
: pinguin HQ
(Penguins are enjoying their hobby night.)
Skipper: (Using tweezers to attach a sail to its mast in his ship in a bottle) Gotta Liebe hobby night, boys! So relaxing after a long week of stressful missions.
Kowalski: (Walks out of his lab) Indeed, sir. It’s been proven that it’s healthy to have a night off.
Skipper: (picks up the glue bottle) Yes, but that’s also why we don’t have nights off all that often. I need my men to be on their toes.
Private: (coloring in a rainbow) But it’s just so relaxing. Especially after today! I still can’t believe Alice didn’t even notice The ratte King had broken in to the Zoovenir shop!
Rico: (smashes two rocks together) Kablamo! Hehehehehehehehe!
Private: (flinches as rock chips fly in his direction) Well, that wasn’t very relaxing.
Skipper: What /are/ Du doing, anyways, Rico?
Rico: Rock go kaboom! (smashes them together again)
Skipper: Er….right, then.
(rapid foot falls are heard from off-screen)
(three rapid knocks on the door)
Marlene: (muffled from behind the door) (excited) Guys! Open up! It’s me, Marlene!
(Skipper opens the door, and Marlene runs in, breathless)
Skipper: (Suspiciously) So what’s this (air quotes) “good news’ Du mentioned?
Marlene: Oh, relax! It’s nothing bad! I’m getting a new roommate!
(The Penguins gasp in surprise)
Private: Oh, Marlene, that’s wonderful-
(He is slapped Von Skipper)
Skipper: This is far from wonderful! Remember the last roommate Marlene had?
(Flashback to Rhonda)
Marlene: (Scoffs) Oh, please! This one won’t be like Rhonda!
Skipper: And just how do Du know that?
Kowalski: The odds of Du knowing what your new roommate will be like are nearly impossible without some sort of time machine.
Marlene: Well, I looked at the file on Alice’s computer. He- his name is Antonio- was just found in the park. He’s being sent here for a few days while they can figure out what zoo he came from.
Kowalski: How did Du manage to hack in to her computer? Only we know her password.
Marlene: It wasn’t hard to figure out that ” IH8MyJob” is her password.
Private: I’m glad for you, Marlene! Maybe the two of Du have something in common. His name sounds Spanish. Maybe he likes the Spanish Guitar!
Skipper: There will be no guessing as to what this new arrival may oder may not like until I know everything there is to know about him! Kowalski, I want Du to-….(He sees Marlene glaring at him)…What? Is there something on my break?
Marlene: Du do this every time we have a new arrival. It’s no wonder most of our new arrivals end up leaving!
Skipper: Are Du saying that my investigating is scaring them off? That’s crazy talk! We were right about Clemson, Savio and Rhonda!
Marlene: Wait…Rhonda was a spy, oder something?
Skipper: Yup. She worked for Dr. Blowhole. stahl, stola Kowalski’s plasma cutter right from under our beaks! Du know ; the thing made with the bubble gum and the clamp that floated?
Marlene: Well, Antonio won’t be like that! I feel it in my gut.
Skipper: (Scoffs) Well, that clinches it, then!
Marlene: Aren’t Du saying to always trust your gut?
Skipper: Yes, but it only works in penguins! It’s not a mammal thing.
Marlene: I think you’re just jealous.
Skipper: Jealous? Of what?
Marlene: Well, let’s face it, Skipper…you aren’t the best when it comes to romance.
Skipper: I’ll have Du know I /did/ datum once. It was on the last perfect Tag I had.
Marlene: Huh?
Kowalski: Du weren’t there for that flashback.
Marlene: Ah.
Skipper: but seriously. He could be a spy for the Secret Police in Guam! oder worse yet…the Agency in Punta Cana! That mission nearly cost me my job! (looks skyward and shakes a fist) Curse you, Chinstrap Sisters! Curse you!
(They all stare at Skipper)
Marlene: So…um…anyways…what are Du guys up to?
Kowalski: I’m working on a method of verifying the existence of Ununoctium!
Private: Drawing a rainbow!
Skipper: Ship in a bottle. My usual.
Rico: (holds up the rocks and smashes them together) Rock! Hahahahaha! Kablamo!
Marlene: Er….right. Sorry, rico. I don’t think they’ll make rock bombs any time soon.
Rico: (grunts and gibbers, points to the rock he’s holding and regurgitates a firecracker) Boom! Haha!
Marlene: Oh.. Du already…have…Well, guys, I’ll see Du tomorrow. I have to go to bed.
(Ske exits)
Skipper: Boys, we start out stakeout on this new arrival tomorrow!
Kowalski: Actually, he arrives in two days’ time, sir.
Skipper: Boys, we start our stakeout on this new arrival in two days’ time! Now come on, light’s-out time.
(The Penguins head to bed)

Scene II: The Zoovenir Shop
(The Weiter night)
(Skipper stands in front of a black projector screen)
Skipper: Ladies and Gentlemen of the zoo, I now present a great invader that is in our midst!
(rumblings amongst the animals)
Skipper: (paces) Now, if our zoo is invaded, soon /we/ will be invaded! Kowalski, Zeigen them the slide!
(Kowalski turns the projector on and puts the slide in front of the light)
Skipper: Behold! The face of evil incarnate!
(the camera is towards the back of Skipper, Wird angezeigt the animals’ reactions. They scream for a second, some shielding their eyes. They stop and look at the picture. Some begin to laugh)
(The picture is revealed to be a mais dog)
Don’t laugh! This mais dog is the enemy! Slowly but surely, the Zoo Overlords will replace all the cotton Süßigkeiten and popcorn vending machines in the zoo with mais dogs! But they won’t stop there! Soon, they’ll replace our food! And then they’ll replace us!
(Private whimpers and swoons)
Marlene: Isn’t that what happened in Hoboken?
Skipper: Maybe.
Kowalski: It /is/ a plausible theory. If it happened there, it can happen here.
Marlene: Yeah, but it’s /Hoboken/ we’re talking about! They can’t let something like that happen here! Not in New York!
Skipper: Marlene, Alice barely acknowledges she works here. It’s be too easy to slip biomechanical android Tiere past her.
(Marlene rolls her eyes)
Skipper: Mark my words, it’ll happen! They’ll probably send one in as an experiment! Maybe it’ll be that new arrival tomorrow!
Marlene: So this is where you’re headed with this. You’re being childish, Skipper.
Julien: I am agreeing. It is a stupidy idea! Besides, no robot-guy could be copying the fine work of art that is me! I am impossible to imitate! There is being no way it could happen!
Skipper: Du sure are a piece of work, Julien.
Julien: I am to be thanking Du for that compliment, Skippy!
Skipper: Du know what- (gets an idea) oder maybe they already sent one in. Du never know.
Julien: Well, it is not being me. I can be telling Du that much, silly-billy penguin!
Skipper: That’s just what a robot clone would say!
Julien: (terrified) Du are right! I am a robot!
Skipper: (snickers) Oh, relax, Ring-Tail! I was only kidding!
Julien: Do not be joking with me like that!
Skipper: Or, maybe I wasn’t joking!
Julien: Maurice, we have to be doing the tests to see if I am a robot! Let us leave!
(Julien, Mort and Maurice leave the shop)
Skipper: I thought he’d never leave! Now, does anyone else have anything to report? No? Good. Meeting adjourned!

Scene III: pinguin HQ
(The Weiter morning)
(Skipper dunks his fisch in his coffee. He appears to be agitated)
Private: Something the matter, Skippah? Du don’t look well.
Skipper: What-…oh. Young private, no, I am not. I’m still stressed over this new arrival. We’d better watch him closely. We’ll have to be extra-vigilant. We never know when he’ll-
(Marlene opens the door. Skipper karate chops her in the face)
Skipper: -Strike!.... Oh…Sorry Marlene. I got myself worked up again. Du ok?
Marlene: (rubs her nose tenderly) I think so. Anyways, they’re about to unload the kiste with Antonio in it. He should be in my habitat soon. Du guys wanna watch?
Skipper: Du can count on that, Marlene…We’ll be watching, all right.

Scene IV: Topside
Private: What if you’re wrong about Antonio being a spy?
Skipper: Then we commence Operation: Make-It-Up-To-Him. But trust me on this one, I’m right. I know I am. Then Du know what to do, boys.
Rico: (holds up a stick of dynamite) Kaboom?
Skipper: No, not that. (Looks through his binoculars and sees the kiste being opened)
(Antonio walks out and sees the Penguins spying on his. They quickly pretend they were practicing their “cute and cuddly” routine. Antonio shrugs it off and walks into the habitat)
Private: That was a close one!
Skipper: So it begins…

Scene V: The otter Habitat
( Later that same day)
(Antonio and Marlene are talking. The Penguins are outside, eavesdropping)
Antonio: (faintly) I do not know about you, but Enrico Guitarro is actually my Favorit Spanish gitarre player.
Marlene: (faintly) No kidding! He’s mine too!
Private: (whispers) Are Du sure we should be listening in on them like this?
Skipper: Yes. For all Du know, their little conversation could be some type of code.
(Marlene hears them and walks outside)
Marlene: Ooh! What’s this about a code? I’m good at puzzles!....And why are Du guys standing out here?
Skipper: (nervous chuckle) Well, w-we certainly weren’t spying on Du and Antonio in hopes of overhearing anything confidential, right boys?
(They mutter ”yes” and “uh-huh”)
Marlene: Right… Uh-huh. Anyways, come in! I want Du to meet Antonio!
(They enter. Antonio walks up to them, and shakes each pinguin warmly Von the flipper)
Antonio: Hola, mis amigos! I’ve heard so much about Du from Marlene. She speaks highly of you.
Marlene: This is Skipper (indicates him), Kowalski and Private (she indicates them) and this is Rico (points to him).
Antonio: Charmed, I am sure. Rico, Du say?
Rico: Yup!
Antonio: Tu hables español?
Rico: (looks confused for a moment. Regurgitates a rock) Rock goes boom!
Antonio: I am sorry, mi amigo. What are Du trying to say?
Rico: (thinks for a moment, then repeats what he sagte in Spanish) Piedra va boom!
Antonio: Er…right. Well, it was-
Private: I think I hear Alice coming! We have to get out of here!
(The penguins say their goodbyes and exit)
(Alice arrives with Essen for the otters)

Scene VI: pinguin HQ
(The penguins are seated at the table, playing a card game)
Private: It’s hard to be suspicious of someone who’s so friendly. (He sets down a card)
Skipper: Got any threes?
Kowalski: Go fish.
Skipper: What did Du say, Private?
Private: I sagte it’s hard to be suspicious of someone who’s so nice.
Skipper: That’s exactly what he wants Du to think! Then they attack!
Private: Oh dear.
Skipper: “Oh dear” is right! We don’t know anything about this guy except that he was found in the park! He could be from anywhere!
Kowalski: (checks his clip board) Actually, they found out he’s a Lost otter from the Bronx Zoo.
Skipper: That’s just as bad, if not worse than Hoboken! Also the fact that he and Marlene have so much in common is beyond coincidence! It has to be some sort of evil plot!
(An explosion is heard from inside Kowalski’s lab, followed Von the sound of splashing water and shattering porcelain)
Skipper: (Glares at Kowalski) What was that?
Kowalski: M-my latest experiment. I was experimenting with Cesium, and I left an open tub of water. The c-capsule must have fallen in. Cesium explodes when it comes in contact with water.
Skipper: (sighs and tries hard to control his anger) Boys, go help Kowalski clean that mess up.
(Foot- falls are heard from off-screen)
(Marlene and Antonio come rushing in through the door)
Marlene: Are Du guys OK?
Antonio: What was that explosion?
Skipper: We’re fine. It was just /another/ screwy invention of Kowalski’s.
Antonio: (To Marlene) Does this sort of thing happen often?
Marlene: Pretty much every day, around here.
Skipper: I expect you’ll get used to it, eventually.
Antonio: No. I am leaving tomorrow, actually, to return to my Home in the Bronx Zoo.
Marlene: Come on, Antonio, let’s go. See ya later, Skipper. (Marlene exits)
(Antonio starts to leave, but Skipper blocks his way)
Antonio: (Chuckles) What is the matter, amigo?
Skipper: Don’t Du “amigo” me! Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to, Du biomechanical android scum!
Antonio: What en el nombre de Dios are Du talking about? The only thing I have planned is a datum with Marlene in the park tonight!
Skipper: Huh?
Antonio: Yes! I’ve been trying to ask her for a while now!
Marlene: (calls from the hallway) Du coming, Antonio?
Antonio: In a moment! (turns to Skipper) I hope this has cleared the misunderstanding between us. Goodbye, for now.
(He waves and exits)
Skipper: (whispers to himself) I’ll be watching Du Antonio…
(Kowalski, Private and Rico exit the lab)
Kowalski: Sir, Du really have to stop talking to yourself like that. It’s rather creepy.
Skipper: (Ignores that) Kowalski, the game is afoot! Commence Operation: Dating Game!

Scene VII: The Park
(Marlene and Antonio are sitting on a blanket. Antonio had a bouquet of half-shelled oysters spelling out “Marlene” and is strumming on his Spanish gitarre for her)
Marlene: Oh, Antonio! Du sure do know how to Zeigen a girl a good time! This is perfect!
Antonio: Anything for you, mi Corazon! (Pops an oyster in his mouth and belches embarrassingly loudly)
(Marlene shrugs it off)
Marlene: (Decides to change the subject) Do Du wanna hear a funny joke?
Antonio: Claro! Of course I do!
Marlene: (giggling a bit) What did one Wand say to the other?
Antonio: I do not know. What /did/ one Wand say to the other?
(Their eyes meet)
Marlene: Meet Du at the corner!
(Marlene giggles and Antonio laughs an obnoxious snorty laugh)
(Close up of Marlene’s face as she stops smiling)

Scene VIII: The Park
(later that same night)
Antonio: (With his mouth full, spitting chunks of oysters out) – and then I sagte to Fred, “Amigo, that is not an acorn! That is a rock! Du will break your teeth!” But do Du know what happened after that?
Marlene: (losing interest) What?
Antonio: He ate it anyway! (he laughs obnoxiously again)
(Some chewed-up oyster chunks fly at her. She recoils from them)
Marlene: Um…Antonio? I’m feeling tired. I want to go to bed.
Antonio: It is a shame I am leaving tomorrow, but thank Du for making my last night with Du a wonderful one. (Kisses her paw) I will never forget you, mi Corazon.
Marlene: (smiles a bit) It /was/ nice.
(They walk back together)

Scene IX: pinguin HQ
(The Weiter morning)
(The penguins are doing roll call when Marlene knocks on the door)
Skipper: (Opens the door) Finally! Du learned to knock before entering!
Marlene: (Giggles) yeah, I have to break that habit. Anyways, my datum with Antonio last night wasn’t bad…but it wasn’t great. He was a little…actually he has awful tabelle manners, but other than that, it went well. He was so dreamy, and romantic, and-
Marlene: (Sees that Rico is about to vomit) Sorry, Rico. I forgot about your gooey-love mush sensitivity.
Skipper: So Mr. Dreamy-and-Romantic is leaving today? Du two still going to date?
Marlene: No. it won’t work long-distance. Besides…he’s in the Bronx Zoo. It just won’t work. But he and I are still friends, and-
Rico: (Looks around rapidly) (gibbers, distressed)
Skipper: What is it, Soldier?
Rico: (wails) Rocks are gone!
Marlene: Huh? Oh! Your rock bombs! Don’t worry, Rico, we’ll find them! Let’s look.
Skipper: I don’t think we /will/ find them….. Not now, not ever…

Scene X: A Crate
(Antonio is in a kiste in the back of a truck heading to the Bronx zoo)
(Pulls out a walkie-talkie)
Antonio: Hola. Would Du please put on your boss? The head of the Agency in Punta Cana?.-… Oh, hello. Yes, sir. The mission was a success. Yes… I have the rock bombs.

(A pause)
Antonio: And I have the mais Hunde recipe as well. Yes. I will see Du when I arrive at the zoo. Send my regards to the /real/ Antonio, also. Adios.
(He sets the walkie-talkie down. His eyes light up red, as he laughs. Laughs louder and Mehr maniacally. It starts to sound mechanical)
(The Camera shown the outside of the kiste as the air holes glow red from the light from his eyes)
The End.

Voice Cast:
Skipper- Tom McGrath
Kowalski- Jeff Bennett
Rico-John DiMaggio
Private- James Patrick Stuart
Julien- Danny Jacobs
Marlene- Nicole Sullivan
Antonio- Danny Jacobs