Writer's Club Article: A Dance in the Rain

3

posted by iceprincess7492

The sun was hidden behind the clouds, it had started raining heavily an Stunde ago; it was now lesser but not quite a drizzle yet. Everyone was enjoying the welcoming weather from inside their homes; well almost everyone. There was one person who was enjoying the rains outside of her home. She was a young girl of 22 who was standing in her backyard with her arms spread wide as the raindrops poured on her, leaving her drenched from head to toe. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling as she started to whirl around taking in the wonderful feeling of being wet in the rain.

Someone called out to her from the house but the rain was loud so she did not hear anything. She continued to spin and laugh as she danced on the grass, wearing a blue dress and no sandals on her feet. The girl suddenly bumped into something soft as she was dancing around and opening her eyes she found herself staring at a boy who looked at her with a smile on his face as he held her. He was taller than the girl, which made him seem to be a few years older than she was. She had to stand on her toes just to reach his shoulders.

“Come inside…” he sagte to her, his voice barely a whisper. He too was drenched now, having forgotten an umbrella.

“Later, I’m dancing in the rain. Don’t Du just Liebe this weather?” she asked him, her smile lighting up her eyes.

“I do. But I don’t want Du falling sick, now let’s go in the house. You’re soaking wet.” He told her, sounding concerned.

“You’re wet too.” She pointed out. “Please, let’s stay out here a little longer, I haven’t felt the rain on my skin in so long.” the girl made a sad face.

The boy moved his hands from her waist to her face and held her cheeks as they locked gazes again. “You’ll be ill. You’ve been here for over fifteen Minuten now, the rain isn’t going anywhere. It will still rain tomorrow.” he tried to reason with her.

“So what? If I fall ill, I have Du to take care of me.” The girl broke their gaze, she never could look into those eyes for too long without feeling queasy inside.

“How about one dance with me and then we go inside?” the boy asked her as he held out his hand.

She laughed and blushed at the same time. “Alright, one dance.” she agreed.

She gave her hand to him and he placed it on his shoulder while putting one hand of his around her waist. With their free hands clasped together, they began to dance slowly, not caring about getting wet in the rain anymore. Nothing else mattered at that moment, there was nothing Mehr important than being with each other dancing in the rain. The girl was caught off guard when he dipped her and pulling her back up gave her a quick kiss.

“I Liebe you.” he confessed to her as they stopped dancing. They just stood there staring at each other.

“I Liebe Du too…” the girl replied as she hugged him tightly. “I always will.” she whispered as her head lay on his shoulder.

They both walked towards the house holding hands, they didn’t care about anything else in the world; didn’t care what anyone thought about this relationship of theirs. All they cared about was that they were finally together.

VMars4ever, juicyjossy9 and 1 other like this

Takuya Really good! =)

juicyjossy9 Beautiful! I also always loved to dance in the rain. It is a very special feeling because your partner is natural music, complete on his own, it's all on you and around you... very special feeling, really. Thanks for posting this. It brought me back some memorable moments...

iceprincess7492 thank you... i'm glad you'll liked it!!!

VMars4ever First note of criticism: [i]It was now lesser but not quite a drizzle yet.[/i] This does not work. A better way to format this sentence would go something like this: [i]It had lessened but had not quite become a drizzle yet.[/i] I like the way you don't call the character by her name in the beginning, adds to the story an easy access. However, there should be no so when the man calls to her. There should be a paragraph break in the second paragraph when the girl bumps into the boy. But I like your use of calling him merely a boy who held her. A very romantic notion in that short sentence. It's falling ill, not falling sick. At least that's a more romantic way of calling it, and preferable in my books. Also, it's a comma not a period after she says he's wet too. And you forgot to capitalize the. Not to mention the fact that second statement should be a separate paragraph because she is voicing another issue, and pleaded comes to mind. Like: She pleaded softly with him. Again you're forgetting commas are the proper punctuation when someone is saying something, rather than a period. And a few commas are missing in a couple sentences. Overall, a very romantic and endearing sentiment displayed by the two nameless characters. A beautiful soul in this short story. One question though, that you didn't address, is why does she become queasy if she stares at him for too long? Aside from the notes I have addressed, a well done idea with only a few minor mistakes that need to be dealt with. I'd give it. 6.5/10 stars

iceprincess7492 thanks once again, and a separate big thanks for pointing out my punctuation mistakes... i really need to work on those a lot, i felt that if there were no names mentioned then anyone could relate to it easier and it would feel more romantic by just reading about a boy and a girl... i did forget to mention the explanation about why the girl feels queasy when she's staring at him because it was part of the background plot and i didn't know how to properly fit it in, in such a way that the flow wasn't broken or anything plus, i'm not complaining or giving excuses, but i tend to write my stories and scenes in the middle of the night so i guess that's when the mistakes occur... basically the girl feels queasy around the boy is not only because he is her first love, but also because their relationship is a little different in the sense that the two of them have a bit of an age gap and for a long time before they started dating the girl used to think that her feelings for him were one sided, and that's why now when they are actually together, she finds it somewhat hard to believe that its real... and she always felt like a complete high school girl whenever she was around him, weak in the knees and all the cliched stuff....

Writers and Schreiben

added by juicyjossy9

Comatose - A Short Story - Part 2

posted by VMars4ever

Waking up to a splitting headache, my eyes fluttered open. My long blonde hair Rapunzel – Neu verföhnt around my face and I struggled to brush it out of my way. Achingly sitting up, I stared around my surroundings.

Rock solid cemented ground lay beneath me as I stumbled to my feet. With confusion, I turned in circles to see I was standing outside in the rain, but not where I had just been. I was outside of the pulsating white hospital that occupied my hometown, and my jean jacke and designer t-shirt were somewhat drenched in blood. My blood.

Sprinting into the ER of the hospital, I began to scream at the top...

Cursed - Part 1

posted by iceprincess7492

The sun had set hours ago, the bright, red orb drifting slowly, languidly, below the horizon. Pinks and oranges had covered the sky, the Farben mixing and swirling as they hid the blue of daytime and allowed the regenbogen that marked dusk to come, a regenbogen that slowly darkened, eventually plunging into black as night approached. The streets were quiet and deserted. Once oder twice, the lights inside the ancient lamp posts that were lined up like tall pillars on the streets flickered, casting an eerie darkness all over. There was a majestic palatial house that stood alone at the end of the lane...

8

Three Worlds (Tentative Title) Version 1.2

posted by Takuya

Here is the revised version of my Zurück "Three Worlds" Article.

The Settings:

Earth (Earth 13)
Humans, Vampire and Dhampires.
This is just like the real Earth but Vampire exists and science has gotten a long way.

.... (Earth 22)
Humans, Metahumans and Aliens.
This planet is full of Superhumans and Aliens but looks like the real life Earth.

Yokai (Earth 31)
Beastmen, Demons and Spirits
This planet is a very primitive place but the inhabitants are very intelligent and powerful.

Avalon
Avalonians and many more.
A very mysterious and peaceful planet.

The Main Cast
Heroes:

Name: Arak Myers
Age: 17 Years...

Chosen for Heroism - A Short Story - Part 1

posted by VMars4ever

“Aha!” An aging man shouted with a hearty voice, while the tinkering of machines could be heard in the distance. “I’ve finally solved the theorem!” Throwing dusty gloves aside the man – goggle-eyed and dirt covered – grinned at his son.

Rolling his eyes at his father, Matt crossed his arms at him. “This is the twelfth time you’ve “solved” the theorem this week. Just face it, it’s never going to work, dad,” Matt stated with a good-natured annoyed smile.

“Ah, my boy, don’t be so quick to judge,” the father laughed, his voice echoing around the plastic room. “There’s...

Comatose - A Short Story - Part 1

posted by VMars4ever

“Yes, mom. I’ll be Home in fifteen minutes,” I stated into my cell phone that had almost become permanently attached to me ear, while I drove along the back roads near the outskirts of town. Rolling my eyes at my mother, I gripped the wheel tighter as the windshield wipers of my car brushed away the showering water of April weather. “Don’t worry so much, it’s not like I won’t be there in one piece.”

“I know,” the worry strained voice of her mother murmured through the phone line. “It just makes me nervous to know that a child of mine, my nineteen Jahr old daughter is driving...

The Wrong Hit - A Short Story - Part 1

posted by VMars4ever

Grey set up his gun on oben, nach oben of the hügel overlooking the mansion on the lake. His mark was a woman that had killed her husband in order to receive the life insurance payoff and his rich lifestyle without him. The reason he was there, was because the murder was unsolved without any competent evidence of her crime, so she couldn’t collect the insurance just yet. Her name was Clara Trice-Alrin, a thirty-one Jahr old woman with long dark brown hair, solid brown eyes and standing six inches shorter than him at her height of 5’6. He had her picture in his back pocket, and the woman that had just...

Shadows - A Short Story - Part 1

posted by VMars4ever

The steady vibrations of my mother’s jeep soothed me into a sleepy calm. That and the fact that we had just left Weihnachten Eve abendessen at my grandmother’s, including a hefty supply of turkey. I could have fallen asleep two hours Vor when my dad had gotten a call asking him to go into work.
Resting my elbow on the passenger’s door of the car, my nine Jahr olf sister Gabrielle tapped my shoulder. Turning my attention towards her, she spoke, “Amie, if we don’t get Home before ten will Santa forget to come to our house?” Her big green eyes glanced excitedly into my own green ones.
I rolled...

Created - A Short Story - Part 1

posted by VMars4ever

My name is Raine; I was born December third, seventeen years ago. I have nine birth parents but have only met four of them. The parents I grew up with did not conceive me, but did pay for me. My name is Raine, and I was genetically created.

Nineteen years Vor my mother Diana Parks and my father Chris Parks learned that they could not conceive on their own after six years of trying; including four miscarriages. When they went to get tested on their ability to have a surrogate carry their child, they were told the combination of their DNA would mix into something unstable and bring about a great...

3

Cyborg City (Tentative Title)

posted by Takuya

This is another sci-fi idea that i had so here it is.

The story goes something like this:
"John Sullivan lives with his younger siblings in a small apartment in Stockholm, but one Tag he is in a car accident that destroys his left arm and and the Bones in his right shoulder.

He gets mechanical parts transplanted but becuase of the rules he has to Bewegen to Cyborg City without his siblings that has to Bewegen in with their alcoholic uncle.

When John arrives in Cyborg City he is taken to the police station and gets locked up becuase he want to get out of there.

What John dosen´t know is that he was taken...

4

Three Worlds (Tentative Title)

posted by Takuya

This the basic idea for my sci-fi story, i hope Du like it and have suggestions.

The story centers around the three dimensions Earth 13, Earth 22 and Earth 31,
Earth 13 tries to takeover Earth 31 and destroy Earth 22 because 31 has very rich natural resources but 22 is a very serious threat.

The fourth dimension is called Avalon and the inhabitants tries to get the others to stop the fighting, but instead of doing it themselfes they recruit eight persons from the three earths and gives them the power open portals to get to the other dimensions Von themselfes.

Creatures/Inhabitans
Earth 13
Humans,Vampires...