1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read Fragen aloud, Debatte your Antwort with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, ``I'm SOOO sure Du can hear me thinking.'' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five Minuten into it, loudly say to the instructor, ``I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?''
8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this Frage on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say ``They've found me, I have to leave the country'' and run off.
12. Fifteen Minuten into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out ``Merry Christmas.'' If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say Du Lost the first one. Repeat the process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, oder fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If Du don't know one, make one up. For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands Du the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim Du are going to be taping your Weiter video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, Bewegen to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 Minuten into it. As Du walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc.)
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all Fragen and Antwort completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty Minuten into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out ``Fuck this!'' and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (e.g. Threaten the instructor that whether oder not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one Stunde to get drunk.)
26. Zeigen up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point during the exam, Du should start crying for mommy.)
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, ``The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!''
28. Kommentar on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling ``I'm here, the phantom of the opera'' until they drag Du away.
30. Go to an exam for a class Du have no clue about, where Du know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize Du if Du belonged. Claim that Du have been to every lecture. Fight for Du right to take the exam.
31. Bring a water pistol with you. 'Nuff said.
32. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for Du to stop. When they finally get Du to leave one way oder another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs Du could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give Du a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because Du have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise your're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the Kommentar ``Please use the attached notes for references as Du see fit.''
39. When Du walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After Du get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Do the exam on your laptop. Make sure the simulated keyboard noises are on.
44. Play frisbee with a friend on the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right Weiter to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to Du every few Minuten throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Start with your calculator, Bewegen on to your desk, your chair, anything Du can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything Du write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If Du are asked to stop, say ``it helps me think.'' Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase ``Told Du so.''
50. Answer the exam with the ``Top Ten Reasons Why Professor Sussman Sucks.''
