A pretty picture for Onyx-chan...

King of Red Lions: (Arrives to another island) Ah, Forest Haven. This is where the Great Deku baum lives
Link: Great Deku Tree? That name sounds oddly familiar, but, I can’t figure out why…. Oh well
(Later)
Link: So, where is this guy
Great Deku Tree: Hello there, young hero
Link: OH DEAR GOD! What’s wrong with your face
Great Deku Tree: Nothing, why
Link: Uh…. nothing, go on
Great Deku Tree: Anyway, I am the Great Deku Tree
Link: Seriously, your name sounds so familiar
Great Deku Tree: I’m pretty sure you’ve mistaken me for someone else
Link: Trust me, no one is going to mistake Du for anyone,...

King of Red Lions: Ah, Dragon Roost Island. Can Du just smell it
Link: All I smell is a bunch of nuclear waste
King of Red Lions: Oh, well, this place has a lot of nuclear waste. So, everyone here is a bird person. But, you’re fine. Just as long as Du don’t touch
Link: Why in the name of fuck would I touch that stuff
King of Red Lions: I…. don’t know
Link: Fuck it, I’ll see Du later
King of Red Lions: Wait, take this too (Holds up baton)
Link: What is it
King of Red Lions: It’s the Wind Waker. Du can use it to change the direction of the wind
Link: …. That’s stupid. I’ll just use...

Link: (Wakes up) Oh, where am I
???: Ah, so you’re finally awake
Link: Who sagte that
???: (Boat turns its head towards Link) It is I. A boot with a face
Link: AHH!
Boat: Is something wrong
Link: Begone, spawn of Satan
Boat: No, it’s okay. I’m a good guy, like you
Link: Oh…. I’m suddenly okay with the fact that you’re talking
Boat: Perfect. I am the King of Red Lions, Von the way
Link: I’m Link
King of Red Lions: Now, I recall Du trying to save your sister. That was either very brave, oder very stupid
Link: ….. I dare Du to call me stupid again. Let me remind Du you’re made of wood. And...

Tetra: What. Du want to come with us on our ship
Link: That’s what I said, isn’t it
Tetra: No. Out of the question
Link: Apparently, you’re forgetting something. I have an annoying grandmother that makes me do unspeakable things for her. My sister is the one who I force to do those things so I don’t have to do them. Without her, I have no chance of avoiding those sagte things. Now, Du ARE going to help me get her out, and Du are going to like it
Tetra: Du must have some balls, kid. Du think Du can just tell us what to do. I am the captain of the pirates
Link: A bunch of pirates that...

Long ago, in the magical land of some castle, there lived a bunch of farmers who only had one horse. They worked all Tag because they aren’t technologically advanced. SERIOUSLY, BUY AN XBOX oder SOMETHING Du CAVEMEN! Anyway, their land was rich with… corn, I guess, due to this magical triangle. They cherished this item so much, and vowed to protect it from all evil. So, it only makes sense that they just left it out in the open for anyone to come and take it. It just seems like the smart thing to do. Then, as if out of nowhere, the worlds largest black guy came from the earth, and took the...

Teacher: So, yeah, we had the kids do some interviews as a project for school. However, they were… um (Remembers he threw them in the garbage) Less than successful. Of course, if Du want to look at them, Du can. Just, please don’t put this on national TV
Man with Camera: Of course not
(That night)
News Anchor: Our camera man put all those taps on national TV. So, lets us see what wonderful work our societies children have done (Starts rolling tape)
(Students Interviews)
Wind: The school? Oh, it was a piece of shit since the Tag I first walked through the doors. All of the students there were...

Teacher: Okay, everyone, Du have a new student joining our class
Wind: Why the hell would anyone want to go to this school
Teacher: I ask myself that all the time. Now, he is a new student, and it is your guy’s job to make him feel unwelcome, unloved, and pathetic. Her name is Megan
???: (Comes in, with a backpack covered in Anime character stickers, and has blue hair) Konichiwa. But, my names not Megan, it’s Miku
Teacher: Whatever, just take a sitz (Miku sits Weiter to Wind and Cody)
Cody: Hey, Wind, looks, another fagface. You’re not alone after all
Wind: Du do know I have the code to your...

Cody: (Dials number)
Answering Machine: Hello, Du have just called Wind, the Jesus of the 21st century. Thankfully, for me anyway, I can’t get to the phone right now and here you’re stupid shit. So, leave a message, and, if I actually care, I’ll be sure to call Du later. And if this is Cody, I will dissect Du and hang your intestines on meat hooks if Du call me again.
Cody: (Dials number)
Mr. Smith: (Smiling) (Answers phone) Hello
Cody: Hello, Mr. smith
Mr. Smith: (Smiling) Ah, well, if it isn't the definition of idiocy himself. How may I help you, Cody
Cody: Have Du heard from Wind
Mr....

Cody: Hey, She-Fag, how’s it going
Cody’s Sister: I got a name, Cody. It’s Nicole
Cody: Whatever, She-Fag. Anyway, Du remember the party we agreed on
Nicole: No, Du agreed on it, and I sagte it was a stupid idea. Then Du got so mad, that Du started huffing paint thinner, and then decided to call all your Friends and tell them we had a party tonight, even though I specifically told Du not to call them
Cody: …… So, yes, Du do remember?
Nicole: For all the wrong reasons, yes. And, everything about this is a wrong reason
Cody: Awesome, now-
(Later that night)
Cody: Lets get this party started...

Wind: Oh man, it feels so good to have finally graduated from Freshman year. I can finally enjoy summer break with not a single idiot in si-
(3 Months Later)
Wind: (Standing at the bus stop) Well it was fun while it lasted
(Later, in the auditorium)
Wind: (Sits in chair in the back) I just hope that people changed since last year
Students: (Stares at pictures of penises on their phones and laugh)
Wind: God, if you’re listening, please kill me
Cody: (Sits Weiter to Wind) Hey there, queerbait
Wind: Hello, failed abortion
Cody: Hey, my mom’s the only one who can call me that
Wind: Do Du even know what...

Counsler: So, Wind, I have heard that Du have some social problems
Wind: Less of problems and Mehr of a smart idea to stay the fuck away from every idiot I meet
Counsler: Now, Wind, it isn’t very healthy to be anti-social. Perhaps Du should make some friends
Wind: ……. Fuck off
Counsler: Oh, come now. What’s wrong with making friends
Wind: What’s wrong? Have Du even seen how stupid people are around me
Counsler: Something tells me that Du are very upset
Wind: Your goddamn right I’m upset. Du just come here and tell me how to live my fucking life, when I don’t want to live it the...

Wind: But why do I have to do this
Teacher: Because at the last ballgame, your so called “National Anthem” caused a full scale riot
Wind: Oh, it wasn’t that bad
Teacher: Forty-six people died
Wind: Oh… well that what they get for going to a ballgame
Teacher: Okay, the way I see it, Du have two options. Du can either play a game of baseball and win this school a victory, oder Du can spend a Tag with Austin over there
Austin: (Draws a penis on the board) HA HA HA HA!
Wind: I’ll play
Teacher: Your damn right Du will
(That night)
Dave: Hello, Oxford. It is a beautiful Tag here at the oxford High...

Monkey: Why did we ever agree to come here
Wind: We didn’t agree. Du just decided to smoke pot again and took this fucking job, and I wasn’t gegeben a saying in it
Monkey: Oh yeah, I remember that
Wind: You’re a fucking idiot
Phone Guy: Hello? Hello? Uh, welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza
Wind: Yeah, this place sucks shit through a sewage pipe
Monkey: Hey, look at these monitors. It’s a bunch of furries
Wind: Those are animatronics
Monkey: Same thing
Wind: Wha- Bu- HOW ARE THEY THE SAME FUCKING THING
Freddy: (Appears at the door)
Wind: HOLY SHIT! (Closes door)
Freddy: (Looks through window)
Wind:...