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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
There was a little "incident" at your house today while Du were gone. Please allow me to explain: I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran into the küche and checked everything out. Von the time I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke.

I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke detector that Du have is the type that took a few Minuten to reset itself. I kept watching my movie , and about 10 Minuten later I was really getting pissed off that the beeping continued. I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to the movie.

The beeping continued.

Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 Minuten later, I was really getting pissed because I could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the fucking speaker off the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter.

I sat back down and heard "beep".

Now I was fucking fuming. I listened to that fucking "beep" about three Mehr times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving shit out of your fucking smoke detector on the counter (while I was pounding I heard "beep"). It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and sure enough "beep". I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out (curious to see what the hell could still be running it) and cut all the little parts into pieces, and put half into a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.

In moments I heard the parts in the küche beep. So I took them into the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself "the fucking part that beeps, will get smashed" Not three Sekunden later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the küche beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I could smash the shit out of it.

All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen. I walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it seemed like hours but was only 30 Sekunden later, I heard the mystifying "beep" coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacke and it was your beeper that Du had left at Home Von accident. All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever-loving shit out of your beeper because I was the one who paged you. Sorry!
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Hey Pinjas!! Randomness! Got this in an email... Thought Du guys might enjoy it!


In case Du need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".

(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: Du could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".

(And that would be how?)

On some Frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".

(But, it's...
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Source: lou
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Source: the deep blue ocean of hell
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Source: baum hügel high and oh chophia
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Source: Pinja
posted by Bdavisbrookeme
1. Pinja:

A Pinja is a person who has the best of both worlds, such that they are squeaky clean and stealthy like a Ninja, but are also flashily dressed and able to drink a lot like a Pirate.

Pinjas do not inhibit the bad traits of either of these such as being eaten Von a Kracken oder being shot Von a gun ... thus, they are both better and superior to both Pirates and Ninjas.

Jim: That guy just shot me and stabbed me with his sword at the same time. His breath smelled like rum, it must have been a pinja.
Ben: A pinja? Du mean a pirate and a ninja crossed? but the best of both?
Jim: Exactly. Lets go to some strikeouts.
Ben: word
added by mollyx365
posted by isabelle_905
For all those men who say, "Why buy a cow when Du can get milch for free." Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.


Men are like...

1. Men are like LAXATIVES. They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like BANANAS. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like WEATHER. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like BLENDERS. Du need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like CHOCOLATE BARS. Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for...
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