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oben, nach oben Ten Cat Rules


Cat Rule Number 1

The cat is not allowed in the house.

Cat Rule Number 2

The cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

Cat Rule Number 3

The cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.

Cat Rule Number 4

The cat can get on the old furniture only.

Cat Rule Number 5

The cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.


yellow tabby kitty cat close up
Cat Rule Number 6

The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers oder on the pillow.

Cat Rule Number 7

The cat can sleep under the covers and on the kissen Von invitation...
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Science Confirms Hunde Liebe Us

Science has confirmed that Hunde Liebe us back, because they get the same rush of Oxycontin when they look at us that we get when we look at them.

No, really!

Are Du telling me Hunde look up at us and see us adorable?

The dog is thinking: I am a fuzzy creature and your a different adorable creature. And Du smell interesting. I Liebe you!

(The cat is thinking: I am a graceful leader to be worshiped. Du should bow when I enter the room.)

This explains why superior Katzen occasionally try to bathe us.

It's true. Katzen see us giant, dumb, hairless babies. That's why they bring...
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posted by laura1233214
Life Explained Von God

When God created the world, he also created the dog, the monkey, and the cow. It's a simple story, told through the eyes of the dog, the monkey, and the cow, and their conversations with God during creation.

God Created the Dog
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all Tag Von the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in oder walks past. For this, I will give Du a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give Du back the other ten?"

So God agreed with the dog.

On the Sekunde day, God...
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posted by laura1233214
8:00 am - Dog food! My Favorit thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My Favorit thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My Favorit thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My Favorit thing!
12:00 pm - milch bones! My Favorit thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My Favorit thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My Favorit thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My Favorit thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My Favorit thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My Favorit thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My Favorit thing!
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Hunde Liebe 'em.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Enjoy dog days.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple doggie growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady dogwood tree.

When you're...
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posted by laura1233214
The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hasch, hash oder some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a maus and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since...
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posted by laura1233214
Cat Rule Number 1

The cat is not allowed in the house.

Cat Rule Number 2

The cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

Cat Rule Number 3

The cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.

Cat Rule Number 4

The cat can get on the old furniture only.

Cat Rule Number 5

The cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

Cat Rule Number 6

The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers oder on the pillow.

Cat Rule Number 7

The cat can sleep under the covers and on the kissen Von invitation only.

Cat Rule Number 8

The cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the kissen too.

Cat Rule Number 9

Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.

Cat Rule Number 10

The cat gives humans a haughty and dismissive look whenever they deign to use the cat's pillow.
Instructions for Giving your Cat a Pill
Pick cat up and wiege it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. wiege cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, wiege cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push...
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