Dear Diary, August 13,2009
Well, its been three months since House was....taken.
And life hasnt been the same since.
I havent slept a full night since he left and ever since i found out about his hallucination the guilt has been eating me alive. And even though i KNOW wilsons right, that this isnt my fault, that i have nothing whatsoever ti feel guilty of, i just cant get the picture of his face right before he left out of my head. Ive never seen him look so.....broken. It disturbed me. I could feel that he hurt, and it made ME hurt.
Ive known him for twenty years, and i dont think ive ever met anyone else in my 38 years of living with such a stubborn refusal to open up and Zeigen there feelings. But when i asked him if he was OK, when the sudden realization crashed over him, juts for a moment, i saw a multitude of feelings like ive never seen before on anyone. Greif, shock, disspointment, hurt, shame. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth was literally open in surprise. And he saw the concern and pity on MY face, and that made it all worse. But is that why im feeling guilty? oder is it something different?
Im crying as i write this, but i dont know why. The very base of my life is slipping out from under my feet with alarming speed. Everything if falling out of control and i cant sop it.
I dont know whats happening to me. I feel like im dying inside, but at the same time ive never felt Mehr alive. I think....i do like him?LOVE him?
It doesnt matter. Ive effectivley kicked him out of my life.
-Lisa
Well, its been three months since House was....taken.
And life hasnt been the same since.
I havent slept a full night since he left and ever since i found out about his hallucination the guilt has been eating me alive. And even though i KNOW wilsons right, that this isnt my fault, that i have nothing whatsoever ti feel guilty of, i just cant get the picture of his face right before he left out of my head. Ive never seen him look so.....broken. It disturbed me. I could feel that he hurt, and it made ME hurt.
Ive known him for twenty years, and i dont think ive ever met anyone else in my 38 years of living with such a stubborn refusal to open up and Zeigen there feelings. But when i asked him if he was OK, when the sudden realization crashed over him, juts for a moment, i saw a multitude of feelings like ive never seen before on anyone. Greif, shock, disspointment, hurt, shame. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his mouth was literally open in surprise. And he saw the concern and pity on MY face, and that made it all worse. But is that why im feeling guilty? oder is it something different?
Im crying as i write this, but i dont know why. The very base of my life is slipping out from under my feet with alarming speed. Everything if falling out of control and i cant sop it.
I dont know whats happening to me. I feel like im dying inside, but at the same time ive never felt Mehr alive. I think....i do like him?LOVE him?
It doesnt matter. Ive effectivley kicked him out of my life.
-Lisa
When does Liebe become something we need, rather than something we want? Liebe was seen as something special a long time ago. Now Liebe is what we are expected to have with us everyday of our lives. Liebe is common currency when Du are a teenager, but turns to worthless pennies the older Du get. Do we not care about the substance of what Liebe was and not what it has been made into today Von commercialisation from American Filme and Fernsehen commercials and soap operas? Only when we experience Liebe for real, can we Kommentar and judge others who are in Love. Liebe means something different to everyone. Not two people’s feeling of Liebe is the same. Why do we generalize, rationalize and compartmentalize Love? Liebe is and will continue to be an enigma. Only a handful of people will ever unlock it and witness its true beauty and essence. The essence we all crave.
Love.
Love.