Bill Haverchuck: You know what would be cool? To find a girl in a bottle, like "I Dream of Jeanie". I'd like to make out with her on that little couch.

Sam Weir: Yeah, Cindy would look good in those puffy pants.

Neil: So I wake up and guess what is on my bed
Bill: A turd?
Neil: yeah Bill, a turd
Bill: Gross

Neal: Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.

~ or ~

Alan: Shut up, you little girl.
Bill Haverchuck: I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman!

~ or ~

Kim: Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off and I'll throw it over that fence.

Bill: Remember that time in Science when I was going to let out a fart and it came out a poop and I had to flush my undies down the toilet. Do you think I wanted to tell you that?

Bill has the best lines!

"You suck! Dallas rules!"

When I watched the series the first time I was IMing my friend who introduced me to it, and it looks like I saved the (four day long) convo of me basically quoting the show as I was watching it

Neal:If the cops trace this call, you're dead.
Bill:...No, if the cops trace this call YOU'RE dead

Nick: It's like, you cooked this in heaven...and brought it back down to your table (does this remind anyone of one of Jason's lines in HIMYM? about the wedding cake?)

Ken: See, that's why I don't carry a purse

Sam: Will girls ever like us?

Lindsey: You really like her!
Ken:...I feel odd

...Ken has the best lines too :)

Weir Dad:I used to have a friend who smoke in high school, you know what he´s doing know? HE´S DEAD

Bill: mouse trap I WIN!



Bill: It didn't sound like a chair squeaking it sounded like cheese being cut!