Song: link
Ian: *Listening to the music* What are we in a Western now?
Kevin: *Dressed as a cowboy, while riding a horse* This is my Halloween Costume.
Ian: Ah. Well at least I'm the host tonight. Here's tonight's lineup.
Con Mane: The Mare With The Golden Gun
Overwatch Parody: Nightmare Before Christmas
Liam: *Dressed as an Indian, running after Kevin* Wait for me Kevin!
Ian: Let's start the Zeigen before Mehr cowboys, oder Indians arrive.
Let's begin on a tropical island 8 miles from Hong Kong.
Hattan: *sunbathing* Sneak Peak, can Du check the main entrance?
S.P: Right away Ms. Scaramanga.
business pony: Are Du Hattan Scaramanga?
Sneak Peak: No, I'm her assisstant.
business pony: Where is she?
Sneak Peak: Go in that way.
business pony: *enters room* Hattan Scaramanga.
Hattan: Hi. I just realised Du have your gun, and I don't have mine.
business pony: That's too bad. *shoots gun*
Hattan: *dodges bullet*
S.P: *turns off lights*
business pony: Where are you? Zeigen yourself!
Hattan: *grabs golden gun*
S.P: *turns on red lights* Du wanna find her? Keep looking.
Business pony: *enters funhouse*
S.P: Maybe you'll find her here?
business pony: Holy crap!! *shoots mirror*
S.P: Nice try. Keep going.
business pony: *enters wildwest part*
manequin: *shoots gun*
business pony: *avoids bullets*
S.P: Ms. Scaramanga isn't the only one that wants Du dead.
business pony: *enters mafia section*
mafia ponies: This town ain't big enough *shoot guns*
business pony: *lies on ground*
S.P: Nice move.
business pony: *enters last room* Their all statues.
S.P: Not all of them. One is not like the other.
business pony: *shoots statue*
Hattan: *kills business pony*
S.P: Excellent work Ms. Scaramanga.
Hattan: Thank Du Sneak Peak, now lets take his money.
S.P: Who are we going after next?
Hattan: Oh, I know the perfect target! Con Mane, *laughs*
Fillies & Gentlecolts, I present to you, the eighth Con Mane story, The Mare With The Golden Gun
Starring
Doughnut Joe as Con Mane
Naomiwinx's OC Azura Alor as Hattan Scaramanga
Snips as Sneak Peak
Berry schlagen, punsch as Berry Goodnight
Pinkie Pie as P
Spike as S
Lyra Heartstrings as Miss Moneybit
scottish pony as Constaple Weston B. River
bonbon as Constaple's wife
koreans as badguys
chinese as good guys
At the C.I.E headquarters in Canterlot.
Con: Hello P, what do Du need me to do?
P: That depends, what do Du know about a pony named Hattan Scaramanga.
Con: I know that she has a really powerful gun, and can kill anypony with just one shot. Why?
P: She has plans to kill you.
Con: Well that can't be good.
P: Du need to go to Hong Kong, and kill her, before the opposite happens.
Con: Kill her? I don't know if I wanna kill her.
P: She is a threat, and must die.
Con: Fine. *leaves room*
Moneybit: Hello Con.
Con: Hi Miss Moneybit, where is Hong Kong?
Moneybit: In China.
Con: And where is China?
Moneybit: Very far from Equestria, on the opposite side of the pacific ocean to be exact.
Con: Oh great.
P: Ach, I almost forgot. This bullet has 0007 engraved in it, and I want Du to bring it to S.
Con: What is he going to do with it?
P: Examine it.
Con: Oh thank celestia, I thought he was going to put it in a gem sandwich, and eat it.
P: NIEN! Why would he do that?
Con: I don't know, I'll ask him.
In S's lab
Con: Where's S?
lab expert: Over there.
S: Con? What's up?
Con: P wanted me to bring this to you.
S: A bullet? What for?
Con: She wants Du to examine it, see what gauge it is.
S: Hmm. *examines bullet*
lab expert: *working on grenade launcher*
Con: Woah that's cool!
lab expert: *accidentally launches grenade* Damnit, Con, stop playing around!
S: I'm back
Con: What gauge is it?
S: Du might not believe this, but it's a 4.1 millimeter gauge.
Con: I wonder who makes that.
S: You'll have to check the gun shops.
Once Con entered Hong Kong, he went to the first gun Shop he could find.
gun dealer: Hello, what can I do for you?
Con: My name is Mane, Con Mane. I need some info about what kind of guns, oder ammo Du sell to someone known as Hattan Scaramanga.
gun dealer: Let me check. *finds ammo* These are the bullets Ms. Scaramanga uses.
Con: Interesting. What gun does she use?
gun dealer: She made it herself.
Con: No wonder. Thank you.
gun dealer: Might I ask why Du need this info?
Con: I work for the C.I.E.
gun dealer: Oh.
Con: Don't tell anypony else.
gun dealer: I won't. But if Du wanna find her, go to the Bottoms Up club.
Con: What is that, a strip club?
gun dealer: Eeyup.
Con: Thanks. *leaves gun shop*
gun dealer: *picks up phone*
Con went to the bottoms up club, and found Sneak Peak, but Hattan wasn't there.
Sneak Peak: Waiting for someone?
Con: Why don't Du mind your business? Du colt.
Sneak Peak: I am a full grown pony!
Con: Really? Cuz you're the size of a filly.
chinese pony: *walks past*
Hattan: *shoots pony*
Sneak Peak: *runs*
Con: *looks for Hattan* Where did that shot come from?
Cops: Stop!
Con: What for?
Cops: You're underarrest for murder.
Con: I don't even have a gun!
Cops: Tell that to the judge. Get in the car!
Con: *gets in car*
Cops: *drive to docks*
Con: Isn't the jail the other way?
Cops: Not where you're going.
Con: *gets on boat*
boot pony: *drives boat*
Cops: Ugh, that sunken boot is still there!
Con: *teleports onto sunken boat*
Cops: We Lost him!
A pony then started talking into the speaker on the sunken boat
?: Welcome aboard Mr. Mane! Please head through this trap door that says not a trap.
Con: *walks through door*
Moneybit: Mr. Mane. I was not expecting to see you.
Con: Du should Weiter time.
P: Con, over here!
Con: What is it?
P: Welcome to our chinese headquarters.
Con: Why would we have two headquarters?
P: Just in case one gets destroyed. Let me introduce Du to your new partner.
Berry: Hi.
Con: She isn't new. I remember working with Miss. Goodnight.
P: Wunderbar. Du two will work together to stop Hattan Scaramanga.
Apparently that wasn't a good idea. Con went to a place where Hattan went, while Berry Goodnight wanted nothing to do with him.
Con: Stupid Berry, I'll stop Hattan Scaramanga without her help. *disguises himself as Hattan*
korean captain: Ah, Miss. Scaramanga. Du look beautiful today.
Con: Thank you. Now I have something to tell you.
korean captain: What might that be?
Con: I just met somepony that will be disguised as me. He works for the C.I.E, and his name is Con Mane.
korean captain: Understood. We will take care of him once we see him.
Con: Thank Du *leaves*
Hattan: Who was that pony?
Korean captain: *hits Hattan*
Hattan: What was that for?
Korean captain: Oh thank celestia, I thought Du were somepony in disguise.
Hattan: What are Du talking about?
Korean captain: Somepony came here disguised as you. He works for the C.I.E, an-
Hattan: Con Mane was here?
Korean captain: I'm afraid so.
Hattan: Well lets get him in a surprise.
And here's how it went.
Con: Wait here.
Chinese colonel: Ok.
Con: *disguised as Hattan Scaramanga*
Korean captain: Ms. Scaramanga, oder should I say *hits Con*
Con: *loses disguise*
Korean captain: Con Mane.
Con: Whoops.
Korean captain: *K.O's Con*
The Weiter morning, he woke up.
Con: What the? Why am I wearing a tae kwon do uniform?
Korean captain: As your pusnishment for tricking us, Du will face my students.
korean fohlen, colt 2: I shall face him first.
Con: Ok.
Korean captain: Begin
korean fohlen, colt 2: *bows*
Con: *K.O's korean colt*
korean captain: Ula.
korean colts: *chanting*
Ula: *steps into ring*
Con: *bows*
Ula: *bows*
Con: *attacks*
Ula: *blocks & hits Con*
Con: *falls*
Ula: *charges*
Con: *kicks Ula*
Ula: *punches Con*
Con: *falls again*
korean colts: *chant again*
Con: *breaks Ula's neck*
korean colts: ooooh. Attack!!
Con: *runs off*
koreans: *follow*
Con: *magically takes off clothes*
koreans: Chinese!
Chinese Colonel: *run over koreans*
Con: What took Du so long?
Chinese Colonel: I'd like to ask Du the same thing.
Con: I was knocked out.
Chinese colonel: Keep running, there are some boats down that way.
Con: Thanks, but what about you?
Chinese Colonel: I have my own mode of transportation, and I'll hold them off as long as I can.
Con: Thanks a lot. I'll see Du around. *runs to boats*
Con ran toward the boats, and when he started one of them the koreans caught up.
Con: *sticks blade toward them*
koreans: *stand still*
Con: What Du might call, a sharp edge on things. *drives away*
koreans: After him!
Con: Come on, why is this thing going slower?
filly: Hello sir.
Con: Hi.
filly: Would Du like a wooden elephant? I hand crafted it myself.
Con: I'll tell Du what. Du make this boot go faster, and I'll pay Du for it.
filly: Really? How much?
Con: Nothing *pushes filly off boat*
Constaple Weston B. River: I hate China.
Constaple's wife: Come on Weston, we just got here.
Con: *drives past constaple*
Weston B. River: Hey! Watch where you're going!
koreans: Move! We're after that C.I.E agent!
Weston B, River: I'm not in charge of the boot lad.
koreans: *ram boat*
Weston B. River: What the bloody hell do Du think you're doing?
koreans: We have him surrounded!
Con: *destroys enemy boat*
Weston B. River: Hahaha! Maybe Weiter time you'll learn not to mess with a secret agent!
Constaple's wife: Weston, you'll only make them Mehr angry.
Weston B. River: Good, they deserve it.
Meanwhile Con went to the hotel he was staying at with Berry Goodnight.
Berry: Where were you?
Con: Dealing with koreans.
Berry: Were any of them mares?
Con: No. Why do Du think I'm cheating on you, even though we're not dating?
Berry: I don't think that.
Con: Yeah sure Du do.
But then, the lights went out. And Berry started shouting.
Con: Who's there?
Hattan: Someone that want's Du dead.
Sneak Peak: Let's go!
Con: *turns on light*
Hattan: Oh. We have the wrong body.
Sneak Peak: Run *runs with Berry*
Berry: Con, help!
Con: *runs after Hattan*
Hattan: Put her in the trunk.
Sneak Peak: With pleasure *places Berry in trunk*
Hattan: *drives down road*
Con: Hmmm.
Weston: Ah'm not sure why they sell equestrian cars in China.
Con: *steals car*
Weston: What the hay?
Con: Who are you?
Weston: I'm Constaple Weston B. River. Ah saw Du before. You're that secret agent!
Con: How'd Du know that?
Weston: The Koreans told me.
Con: Ohh great.
Weston: Who are we chasing?
Con: That blue Wrestler with the white Wand tires.
Hattan: *turns right*
Con: *does drift*
Sneak Peak: Floor it! Con's chasing us.
Hattan: *weaving through traffic*
Con: *honks horn*
Weston: Get out of the bloody way!
pony in car: Stop shouting!
Weston: I am a police Constaple!
Hattan: Let's see them pass this *hits car*
Weston: Look out!
Con: *passes car*
Sneak Peak: He got past.
Hattan: great, only one thing left to do.
Sneak Peak: *grabs golden gun*
Con: *rams Hattan's car*
Sneak Peak: *drops gun*
Hattan: Where did the gun go?
Sneak Peak: Under the seat.
Cops: *follow Con & Hattan*
Weston: Why are they chasing us? We're the good guys!
Hattan: *goes down dirt road*
Con: *goes on dirt road*
Weston: Where are they?
Con: Oohh great. They're on the other side of the river.
Weston: Well let's keep going 'till we find a bridge.
Con: Like that?
Weston: No, that's not a good bridge!
Con: I'm using it. *backs car up*
Weston: You're not thinking-
Con: Ah sure am lad! Just gotta do this at the right speed. *jumps bridge*
Weston: AAAHhhhhh! Woo hoo! I've never done that before.
Con: Neither have I.
Hattan: *parks car in garage*
Cops: We Lost them! Back to headquarters.
Con: Sorry Weston, I think we Lost them.
Weston: Aw man.
Sneak Peak: Are Du sure about this?
Hattan: Yes. *drives car*
Con: Thanks for trying to help anyway.
Weston: The pleasure's all mine lad.
Hattan: *flies over Con*
Con: What?!!!?
Weston: Please don't tell me that's a flying car.
But it was. Now Con just had to find out where it was heading.
Con went back to P's chinese HQ to find out where Hattan Scaramanga's island was.
P: We are not sure, but we see her leave Hong Kong Von boat.
Con: Well this time, she left Von car.
P: What? Tell me how, before I start cursing in german!
Con: It was flying.
S: How do Du get a car to fly?
Con: Du put airplane equipment on it, a jet engine, some wings, and Du got yourself a flying car.
S: That's cool. Even better then what I'm trying to do with a motorcycle
P: Shut up S. Con, I want Du to follow Hattan, once she gets back in Hong Kong.
Con: I'm on my way.
Con followed Hattan, and found her island.
Sneak Peak: Ms. Scaramanga? We have a visitor.
Hattan: It must be Con. Get me Miss. Goodnight.
Sneak Peak: Right away.
Hattan: Mr. Mane. What a surprise, how are you?
Con: I'm good. What are Du up to on this fine day?
Hattan: Taking care of business as usual.
Con: What kind of business?
Hattan: I have found a way to stop the energy crisis.
Con: What energy crisis?
Hattan: China, Vietnam, and even part of Europe have problems with using energy. I have solved a problem to help them.
Con: Really? Last time I checked their energy was fine with no problems.
Hattan: Well some ponies that have made their energy like that have died.
Con: Yeah, I wonder why.
Hattan: I've found a way to create energy without using anything, other then what's in the sky.
Con: What do Du mean?
Hattan: Follow me, and you'll soon find out.
The two ponies walked into Hattan's place
Sneak Peak: I got the mare Du asked for.
Hattan: Excelent.
Berry: What is this? Are Du paying her to kill me?
Con: Oh my god, NO!
Hattan: So this is your partner.
Berry: I didn't want to be partners with him
Con: Well sorry for coming here to save your ass.
Hattan: That depends on one thing however.
Con: What's that?
Sneak Peak: A duel.
Hattan: My golden gun against your Nambu pistol.
Con: Very well. Let's duel.
All three of them went outside. Berry was inside locked in a room
Sneak Peak: Alright Du two. I want this to be a fair game. Are Du ready Hattan?
Hattan: Ready *holds up gun*
Sneak Peak: Are Du ready Mr. Mane?
Con: Ready *holds up gun*
Sneak Peak: Alright. Each of Du take 20 paces.
Con & Hattan were taking 20 paces, and then it happened.
Con: *fires gun* Where did Hattan go?
Sneak Peak: She forgot ammo for her gun. You'll have to continue the duel with her that way.
Con: Why didn't Du tell me?
Sneak Peak: Du were concentrating very well, and I didn't wanna disturb that.
Con: Du know, I've never killed a midget before. But there's a first time for everything.
Sneak Peak: I'm offended.
Con: Good. *walks inside*
Sneak Peak: *runs to control room*
Con: *looks around* What kind of a place is this?
Sneak Peak: It's a funhouse. Me & Ms. Scaramanga worked on it together! :3
Con: *shoots mirror* Thought that was Hattan.
Sneak Peak: Save your ammo for when Du run into Ms. Scaramanga.
Con: *walks into wild west stage*
manequin: *shoots at Con*
Con: *takes cover*
Sneak Peak: Alright. Now continue.
Con: *walks into mafia stage*
mafia ponies: This town ain't big enough!
Con: *shoots guns*
Sneak Peak: Holy cray! No one has ever shot those Pistolen that fast before.
Con: *walks to final stage* Hattan has to be here somewhere.
Hattan: Can I go there now?
Sneak Peak: Yeah, you're clear!
Con: *gets off stage* I gotta climb down there, and surprise her.
Hattan: *looks for Con*
Sneak Peak: Where did Con go?!
Con: *drops gun*
Hattan: ?
Sneak Peak: *sweats nervously*
Hattan: *looks at statue*
Con: *shoots Hattan*
Sneak Peak: Oh no!!
Berry: I gotta get out of this room *breaks door*
guard: Hey, what are Du doing?
Berry: *K.O.'s guard*
Con: Berry!
Berry: Con look! I knocked out someone!
Con: That's great, now get rid of his body quick! We need to leave.
Berry: *dumps body under bed*
The two ponies then left, on Hattan's boat.
Berry: I misunderstood a lot of times. I'm sorry.
Con: Don't be. Many mares like Du get jealous at times.
Berry: *kisses Con*
Sneak Peak: *lurks around*
Berry: AAAAAH!
Con: What?
Sneak Peak: BANZAI! *falls with knife*
Con: *dodges knife* Du ok Berry?
Berry: I'm fine!
Sneak Peak: *grabs wine bottles*
Con: *grabs suitcase*
Sneak Peak: *throws bottles* Hey! What are Du doing?
Con: *stuffs Sneak Peak in suitcase*
Sneak Peak: Ouch! I can't breath!
Berry: *sits on floor watching*
Sneak Peak: You'll be sorry! I may be small, but I'll never forget!
3 Minuten later
Berry: What happened?
Con: I tought him a lesson.
Berry: Did you-
Con: Yup.
Berry: *gasps*
Con: Hang on, the phone's ringing. *picks up phone* Hello?
P: Hallo!
Con: What is it?
P: I just wanna know if Du killed Hattan.
Con: Hattan is dead.
P: Great! Is Goodnight there?
Con: Let me check... *kisses Berry*
P: Con? Goodnight?
Con: Goodnight P.
And that concludes The Mare With The Golden Gun
Starring
Doughnut Joe......................................Con Mane
Pinkie Pie..............................................P
Azura Alor.............................................Hattan Scaramanga
Berry Punch..........................................Berry Goodnight
Scottish pony.......................................................Constaple Weston B. River
Bonbon..................................................Constaple's wife
Spike......................................................S
Snips......................................................Sneak Peak
And Lyra Heartstrings as Miss. Moneybit
The End
Con Mane Will Return In Nightmare Moonraker
---
SeanTheHedgehog: *Sitting at a tabelle in front of a laptop* Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, when a movie called The Nightmare Before Weihnachten was released. And then twenty three years later, Overwatch was created. If Du haven't seen a combination of Overwatch with The Nightmare Before Christmas, I'd say it's time Du begin now.
Song (Start at 1:19): link
---
A scare krähe spins around clockwise as the wind blows. We are on the Hollywood map, decked out in Halloween decor.
Reapers: *Singing* Boys and girls of every age, wouldn't Du like to see something strange?
Sombras: Come with us and Du will see, this our town of Halloween.
Reapers & Sombras: This is Halloween, this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night. This is Halloween, everybody make a scene, trick oder treat till the neighbors come and die of fright. It's our town, everybody scream, in this town of Halloween.
Widowmaker: *Hiding under a bed* I am the one hiding under your bed. *Activates infra-sight* Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red.
Reinhardt: *Under a flight of stairs* I am the one hiding under your stairs, fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair.
Reapers & Sombras: This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.
Weiter up to appear is Junkrat, with Lucio and Zenyatta.
Junkrat, Lucio, and Zenyatta: *Walking out of a building, onto a street* In this town we call home, everyone hail to the kürbis song.
Roadhog: *Standing on the black car* In this town, don't we Liebe it now? Everybody's waiting for the Weiter surprise
Reapers & Sombras: Round that corner, then hiding in the trash cans, something's waiting now to pounce and how you'll..
Symmetra: Scream
Genji: This is Halloween.
Symmetra: Red and black
Doomfist: Slimy green,
Genji: Aren't Du scared?
Mercys: *Flying on their broomsticks* Well, that's just fine. Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice, ride with the moon in the dead of night.
McCree: Everybody scream, everybody scream!
Reapers & Sombras: In our town oder Halloween
Zarya: I am the clown with the tear-away face. *Turns on her shield* Here in a flash and gone without a trace!
Tracer was listening to the song while leaning on a wall. She was early for a special party.
Reaper: I am the who when Du call "Who's there?"
Moira: I am the wind blowing through your hair.
Hanzo: I am the shadow on the moon at night, filling your dreams to the brim with fright.
Everyone: *Walking towards Tracer* This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!
A guillotine teilt, split a kürbis in half. A boy in a yellow hemd, shirt with a cast was Weiter to his brother.
Boys: Tender lumplings everywhere, life's no fun without a good scare.
Winston: That's our job.
D.Va: But we're not mean.
Winston: In our town of Halloween.
Roadhog: *Standing on the black car* In this town, don't we Liebe it now? Everyone's waiting for the Weiter surprise.
Jack Morrison was on a trailer being pulled Von a big red truck.
Reapers: Skeleton Jack might catch Du in the back and scream like a banshee, make Du jump out of your skin!
Everyone: This is Halloween, everybody scream! Won't Du please make way for a very special guy?
Jack: *Jumps off the truck*
Everyone: Our man Jack is king of the kürbis patch, everyone hail to the kürbis king.
Jack: *Grabs a torch, and eats it. He's on fire*
Everyone: Now, this is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!
Jack: *Jumps into a water fountain*
Boys: In this town we call Home everyone hail to the kürbis song.
As Jack Morrison rose from the fountain, he transformed into Soldier: 76.
Everyone: La, la, la. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la. La, la, la. Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Tracer: *Claps her hands*
Everyone: *Cheering, also clapping their hands*
It's not Weihnachten anymore, but that doesn't stop Genji from saying....
Genji: *Standing on oben, nach oben of a tower* Merry Christmas!!
McCree & Mercy: *Turns around to face Genji*
Genji: Merry Christmas!! Merry Christmas!!
Mercy: *Laughing*
Genji: Merry Christmas!!
McCree: Someone had to break the ice.
Song (Start at 2:41): link
Ian: To celebrate Halloween, and Veteran's Day, we're taking the Weiter three weeks off. We will return on the 16th of November. We hope Du get a lot of candy.
Ian: *Listening to the music* What are we in a Western now?
Kevin: *Dressed as a cowboy, while riding a horse* This is my Halloween Costume.
Ian: Ah. Well at least I'm the host tonight. Here's tonight's lineup.
Con Mane: The Mare With The Golden Gun
Overwatch Parody: Nightmare Before Christmas
Liam: *Dressed as an Indian, running after Kevin* Wait for me Kevin!
Ian: Let's start the Zeigen before Mehr cowboys, oder Indians arrive.
Let's begin on a tropical island 8 miles from Hong Kong.
Hattan: *sunbathing* Sneak Peak, can Du check the main entrance?
S.P: Right away Ms. Scaramanga.
business pony: Are Du Hattan Scaramanga?
Sneak Peak: No, I'm her assisstant.
business pony: Where is she?
Sneak Peak: Go in that way.
business pony: *enters room* Hattan Scaramanga.
Hattan: Hi. I just realised Du have your gun, and I don't have mine.
business pony: That's too bad. *shoots gun*
Hattan: *dodges bullet*
S.P: *turns off lights*
business pony: Where are you? Zeigen yourself!
Hattan: *grabs golden gun*
S.P: *turns on red lights* Du wanna find her? Keep looking.
Business pony: *enters funhouse*
S.P: Maybe you'll find her here?
business pony: Holy crap!! *shoots mirror*
S.P: Nice try. Keep going.
business pony: *enters wildwest part*
manequin: *shoots gun*
business pony: *avoids bullets*
S.P: Ms. Scaramanga isn't the only one that wants Du dead.
business pony: *enters mafia section*
mafia ponies: This town ain't big enough *shoot guns*
business pony: *lies on ground*
S.P: Nice move.
business pony: *enters last room* Their all statues.
S.P: Not all of them. One is not like the other.
business pony: *shoots statue*
Hattan: *kills business pony*
S.P: Excellent work Ms. Scaramanga.
Hattan: Thank Du Sneak Peak, now lets take his money.
S.P: Who are we going after next?
Hattan: Oh, I know the perfect target! Con Mane, *laughs*
Fillies & Gentlecolts, I present to you, the eighth Con Mane story, The Mare With The Golden Gun
Starring
Doughnut Joe as Con Mane
Naomiwinx's OC Azura Alor as Hattan Scaramanga
Snips as Sneak Peak
Berry schlagen, punsch as Berry Goodnight
Pinkie Pie as P
Spike as S
Lyra Heartstrings as Miss Moneybit
scottish pony as Constaple Weston B. River
bonbon as Constaple's wife
koreans as badguys
chinese as good guys
At the C.I.E headquarters in Canterlot.
Con: Hello P, what do Du need me to do?
P: That depends, what do Du know about a pony named Hattan Scaramanga.
Con: I know that she has a really powerful gun, and can kill anypony with just one shot. Why?
P: She has plans to kill you.
Con: Well that can't be good.
P: Du need to go to Hong Kong, and kill her, before the opposite happens.
Con: Kill her? I don't know if I wanna kill her.
P: She is a threat, and must die.
Con: Fine. *leaves room*
Moneybit: Hello Con.
Con: Hi Miss Moneybit, where is Hong Kong?
Moneybit: In China.
Con: And where is China?
Moneybit: Very far from Equestria, on the opposite side of the pacific ocean to be exact.
Con: Oh great.
P: Ach, I almost forgot. This bullet has 0007 engraved in it, and I want Du to bring it to S.
Con: What is he going to do with it?
P: Examine it.
Con: Oh thank celestia, I thought he was going to put it in a gem sandwich, and eat it.
P: NIEN! Why would he do that?
Con: I don't know, I'll ask him.
In S's lab
Con: Where's S?
lab expert: Over there.
S: Con? What's up?
Con: P wanted me to bring this to you.
S: A bullet? What for?
Con: She wants Du to examine it, see what gauge it is.
S: Hmm. *examines bullet*
lab expert: *working on grenade launcher*
Con: Woah that's cool!
lab expert: *accidentally launches grenade* Damnit, Con, stop playing around!
S: I'm back
Con: What gauge is it?
S: Du might not believe this, but it's a 4.1 millimeter gauge.
Con: I wonder who makes that.
S: You'll have to check the gun shops.
Once Con entered Hong Kong, he went to the first gun Shop he could find.
gun dealer: Hello, what can I do for you?
Con: My name is Mane, Con Mane. I need some info about what kind of guns, oder ammo Du sell to someone known as Hattan Scaramanga.
gun dealer: Let me check. *finds ammo* These are the bullets Ms. Scaramanga uses.
Con: Interesting. What gun does she use?
gun dealer: She made it herself.
Con: No wonder. Thank you.
gun dealer: Might I ask why Du need this info?
Con: I work for the C.I.E.
gun dealer: Oh.
Con: Don't tell anypony else.
gun dealer: I won't. But if Du wanna find her, go to the Bottoms Up club.
Con: What is that, a strip club?
gun dealer: Eeyup.
Con: Thanks. *leaves gun shop*
gun dealer: *picks up phone*
Con went to the bottoms up club, and found Sneak Peak, but Hattan wasn't there.
Sneak Peak: Waiting for someone?
Con: Why don't Du mind your business? Du colt.
Sneak Peak: I am a full grown pony!
Con: Really? Cuz you're the size of a filly.
chinese pony: *walks past*
Hattan: *shoots pony*
Sneak Peak: *runs*
Con: *looks for Hattan* Where did that shot come from?
Cops: Stop!
Con: What for?
Cops: You're underarrest for murder.
Con: I don't even have a gun!
Cops: Tell that to the judge. Get in the car!
Con: *gets in car*
Cops: *drive to docks*
Con: Isn't the jail the other way?
Cops: Not where you're going.
Con: *gets on boat*
boot pony: *drives boat*
Cops: Ugh, that sunken boot is still there!
Con: *teleports onto sunken boat*
Cops: We Lost him!
A pony then started talking into the speaker on the sunken boat
?: Welcome aboard Mr. Mane! Please head through this trap door that says not a trap.
Con: *walks through door*
Moneybit: Mr. Mane. I was not expecting to see you.
Con: Du should Weiter time.
P: Con, over here!
Con: What is it?
P: Welcome to our chinese headquarters.
Con: Why would we have two headquarters?
P: Just in case one gets destroyed. Let me introduce Du to your new partner.
Berry: Hi.
Con: She isn't new. I remember working with Miss. Goodnight.
P: Wunderbar. Du two will work together to stop Hattan Scaramanga.
Apparently that wasn't a good idea. Con went to a place where Hattan went, while Berry Goodnight wanted nothing to do with him.
Con: Stupid Berry, I'll stop Hattan Scaramanga without her help. *disguises himself as Hattan*
korean captain: Ah, Miss. Scaramanga. Du look beautiful today.
Con: Thank you. Now I have something to tell you.
korean captain: What might that be?
Con: I just met somepony that will be disguised as me. He works for the C.I.E, and his name is Con Mane.
korean captain: Understood. We will take care of him once we see him.
Con: Thank Du *leaves*
Hattan: Who was that pony?
Korean captain: *hits Hattan*
Hattan: What was that for?
Korean captain: Oh thank celestia, I thought Du were somepony in disguise.
Hattan: What are Du talking about?
Korean captain: Somepony came here disguised as you. He works for the C.I.E, an-
Hattan: Con Mane was here?
Korean captain: I'm afraid so.
Hattan: Well lets get him in a surprise.
And here's how it went.
Con: Wait here.
Chinese colonel: Ok.
Con: *disguised as Hattan Scaramanga*
Korean captain: Ms. Scaramanga, oder should I say *hits Con*
Con: *loses disguise*
Korean captain: Con Mane.
Con: Whoops.
Korean captain: *K.O's Con*
The Weiter morning, he woke up.
Con: What the? Why am I wearing a tae kwon do uniform?
Korean captain: As your pusnishment for tricking us, Du will face my students.
korean fohlen, colt 2: I shall face him first.
Con: Ok.
Korean captain: Begin
korean fohlen, colt 2: *bows*
Con: *K.O's korean colt*
korean captain: Ula.
korean colts: *chanting*
Ula: *steps into ring*
Con: *bows*
Ula: *bows*
Con: *attacks*
Ula: *blocks & hits Con*
Con: *falls*
Ula: *charges*
Con: *kicks Ula*
Ula: *punches Con*
Con: *falls again*
korean colts: *chant again*
Con: *breaks Ula's neck*
korean colts: ooooh. Attack!!
Con: *runs off*
koreans: *follow*
Con: *magically takes off clothes*
koreans: Chinese!
Chinese Colonel: *run over koreans*
Con: What took Du so long?
Chinese Colonel: I'd like to ask Du the same thing.
Con: I was knocked out.
Chinese colonel: Keep running, there are some boats down that way.
Con: Thanks, but what about you?
Chinese Colonel: I have my own mode of transportation, and I'll hold them off as long as I can.
Con: Thanks a lot. I'll see Du around. *runs to boats*
Con ran toward the boats, and when he started one of them the koreans caught up.
Con: *sticks blade toward them*
koreans: *stand still*
Con: What Du might call, a sharp edge on things. *drives away*
koreans: After him!
Con: Come on, why is this thing going slower?
filly: Hello sir.
Con: Hi.
filly: Would Du like a wooden elephant? I hand crafted it myself.
Con: I'll tell Du what. Du make this boot go faster, and I'll pay Du for it.
filly: Really? How much?
Con: Nothing *pushes filly off boat*
Constaple Weston B. River: I hate China.
Constaple's wife: Come on Weston, we just got here.
Con: *drives past constaple*
Weston B. River: Hey! Watch where you're going!
koreans: Move! We're after that C.I.E agent!
Weston B, River: I'm not in charge of the boot lad.
koreans: *ram boat*
Weston B. River: What the bloody hell do Du think you're doing?
koreans: We have him surrounded!
Con: *destroys enemy boat*
Weston B. River: Hahaha! Maybe Weiter time you'll learn not to mess with a secret agent!
Constaple's wife: Weston, you'll only make them Mehr angry.
Weston B. River: Good, they deserve it.
Meanwhile Con went to the hotel he was staying at with Berry Goodnight.
Berry: Where were you?
Con: Dealing with koreans.
Berry: Were any of them mares?
Con: No. Why do Du think I'm cheating on you, even though we're not dating?
Berry: I don't think that.
Con: Yeah sure Du do.
But then, the lights went out. And Berry started shouting.
Con: Who's there?
Hattan: Someone that want's Du dead.
Sneak Peak: Let's go!
Con: *turns on light*
Hattan: Oh. We have the wrong body.
Sneak Peak: Run *runs with Berry*
Berry: Con, help!
Con: *runs after Hattan*
Hattan: Put her in the trunk.
Sneak Peak: With pleasure *places Berry in trunk*
Hattan: *drives down road*
Con: Hmmm.
Weston: Ah'm not sure why they sell equestrian cars in China.
Con: *steals car*
Weston: What the hay?
Con: Who are you?
Weston: I'm Constaple Weston B. River. Ah saw Du before. You're that secret agent!
Con: How'd Du know that?
Weston: The Koreans told me.
Con: Ohh great.
Weston: Who are we chasing?
Con: That blue Wrestler with the white Wand tires.
Hattan: *turns right*
Con: *does drift*
Sneak Peak: Floor it! Con's chasing us.
Hattan: *weaving through traffic*
Con: *honks horn*
Weston: Get out of the bloody way!
pony in car: Stop shouting!
Weston: I am a police Constaple!
Hattan: Let's see them pass this *hits car*
Weston: Look out!
Con: *passes car*
Sneak Peak: He got past.
Hattan: great, only one thing left to do.
Sneak Peak: *grabs golden gun*
Con: *rams Hattan's car*
Sneak Peak: *drops gun*
Hattan: Where did the gun go?
Sneak Peak: Under the seat.
Cops: *follow Con & Hattan*
Weston: Why are they chasing us? We're the good guys!
Hattan: *goes down dirt road*
Con: *goes on dirt road*
Weston: Where are they?
Con: Oohh great. They're on the other side of the river.
Weston: Well let's keep going 'till we find a bridge.
Con: Like that?
Weston: No, that's not a good bridge!
Con: I'm using it. *backs car up*
Weston: You're not thinking-
Con: Ah sure am lad! Just gotta do this at the right speed. *jumps bridge*
Weston: AAAHhhhhh! Woo hoo! I've never done that before.
Con: Neither have I.
Hattan: *parks car in garage*
Cops: We Lost them! Back to headquarters.
Con: Sorry Weston, I think we Lost them.
Weston: Aw man.
Sneak Peak: Are Du sure about this?
Hattan: Yes. *drives car*
Con: Thanks for trying to help anyway.
Weston: The pleasure's all mine lad.
Hattan: *flies over Con*
Con: What?!!!?
Weston: Please don't tell me that's a flying car.
But it was. Now Con just had to find out where it was heading.
Con went back to P's chinese HQ to find out where Hattan Scaramanga's island was.
P: We are not sure, but we see her leave Hong Kong Von boat.
Con: Well this time, she left Von car.
P: What? Tell me how, before I start cursing in german!
Con: It was flying.
S: How do Du get a car to fly?
Con: Du put airplane equipment on it, a jet engine, some wings, and Du got yourself a flying car.
S: That's cool. Even better then what I'm trying to do with a motorcycle
P: Shut up S. Con, I want Du to follow Hattan, once she gets back in Hong Kong.
Con: I'm on my way.
Con followed Hattan, and found her island.
Sneak Peak: Ms. Scaramanga? We have a visitor.
Hattan: It must be Con. Get me Miss. Goodnight.
Sneak Peak: Right away.
Hattan: Mr. Mane. What a surprise, how are you?
Con: I'm good. What are Du up to on this fine day?
Hattan: Taking care of business as usual.
Con: What kind of business?
Hattan: I have found a way to stop the energy crisis.
Con: What energy crisis?
Hattan: China, Vietnam, and even part of Europe have problems with using energy. I have solved a problem to help them.
Con: Really? Last time I checked their energy was fine with no problems.
Hattan: Well some ponies that have made their energy like that have died.
Con: Yeah, I wonder why.
Hattan: I've found a way to create energy without using anything, other then what's in the sky.
Con: What do Du mean?
Hattan: Follow me, and you'll soon find out.
The two ponies walked into Hattan's place
Sneak Peak: I got the mare Du asked for.
Hattan: Excelent.
Berry: What is this? Are Du paying her to kill me?
Con: Oh my god, NO!
Hattan: So this is your partner.
Berry: I didn't want to be partners with him
Con: Well sorry for coming here to save your ass.
Hattan: That depends on one thing however.
Con: What's that?
Sneak Peak: A duel.
Hattan: My golden gun against your Nambu pistol.
Con: Very well. Let's duel.
All three of them went outside. Berry was inside locked in a room
Sneak Peak: Alright Du two. I want this to be a fair game. Are Du ready Hattan?
Hattan: Ready *holds up gun*
Sneak Peak: Are Du ready Mr. Mane?
Con: Ready *holds up gun*
Sneak Peak: Alright. Each of Du take 20 paces.
Con & Hattan were taking 20 paces, and then it happened.
Con: *fires gun* Where did Hattan go?
Sneak Peak: She forgot ammo for her gun. You'll have to continue the duel with her that way.
Con: Why didn't Du tell me?
Sneak Peak: Du were concentrating very well, and I didn't wanna disturb that.
Con: Du know, I've never killed a midget before. But there's a first time for everything.
Sneak Peak: I'm offended.
Con: Good. *walks inside*
Sneak Peak: *runs to control room*
Con: *looks around* What kind of a place is this?
Sneak Peak: It's a funhouse. Me & Ms. Scaramanga worked on it together! :3
Con: *shoots mirror* Thought that was Hattan.
Sneak Peak: Save your ammo for when Du run into Ms. Scaramanga.
Con: *walks into wild west stage*
manequin: *shoots at Con*
Con: *takes cover*
Sneak Peak: Alright. Now continue.
Con: *walks into mafia stage*
mafia ponies: This town ain't big enough!
Con: *shoots guns*
Sneak Peak: Holy cray! No one has ever shot those Pistolen that fast before.
Con: *walks to final stage* Hattan has to be here somewhere.
Hattan: Can I go there now?
Sneak Peak: Yeah, you're clear!
Con: *gets off stage* I gotta climb down there, and surprise her.
Hattan: *looks for Con*
Sneak Peak: Where did Con go?!
Con: *drops gun*
Hattan: ?
Sneak Peak: *sweats nervously*
Hattan: *looks at statue*
Con: *shoots Hattan*
Sneak Peak: Oh no!!
Berry: I gotta get out of this room *breaks door*
guard: Hey, what are Du doing?
Berry: *K.O.'s guard*
Con: Berry!
Berry: Con look! I knocked out someone!
Con: That's great, now get rid of his body quick! We need to leave.
Berry: *dumps body under bed*
The two ponies then left, on Hattan's boat.
Berry: I misunderstood a lot of times. I'm sorry.
Con: Don't be. Many mares like Du get jealous at times.
Berry: *kisses Con*
Sneak Peak: *lurks around*
Berry: AAAAAH!
Con: What?
Sneak Peak: BANZAI! *falls with knife*
Con: *dodges knife* Du ok Berry?
Berry: I'm fine!
Sneak Peak: *grabs wine bottles*
Con: *grabs suitcase*
Sneak Peak: *throws bottles* Hey! What are Du doing?
Con: *stuffs Sneak Peak in suitcase*
Sneak Peak: Ouch! I can't breath!
Berry: *sits on floor watching*
Sneak Peak: You'll be sorry! I may be small, but I'll never forget!
3 Minuten later
Berry: What happened?
Con: I tought him a lesson.
Berry: Did you-
Con: Yup.
Berry: *gasps*
Con: Hang on, the phone's ringing. *picks up phone* Hello?
P: Hallo!
Con: What is it?
P: I just wanna know if Du killed Hattan.
Con: Hattan is dead.
P: Great! Is Goodnight there?
Con: Let me check... *kisses Berry*
P: Con? Goodnight?
Con: Goodnight P.
And that concludes The Mare With The Golden Gun
Starring
Doughnut Joe......................................Con Mane
Pinkie Pie..............................................P
Azura Alor.............................................Hattan Scaramanga
Berry Punch..........................................Berry Goodnight
Scottish pony.......................................................Constaple Weston B. River
Bonbon..................................................Constaple's wife
Spike......................................................S
Snips......................................................Sneak Peak
And Lyra Heartstrings as Miss. Moneybit
The End
Con Mane Will Return In Nightmare Moonraker
---
SeanTheHedgehog: *Sitting at a tabelle in front of a laptop* Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, when a movie called The Nightmare Before Weihnachten was released. And then twenty three years later, Overwatch was created. If Du haven't seen a combination of Overwatch with The Nightmare Before Christmas, I'd say it's time Du begin now.
Song (Start at 1:19): link
---
A scare krähe spins around clockwise as the wind blows. We are on the Hollywood map, decked out in Halloween decor.
Reapers: *Singing* Boys and girls of every age, wouldn't Du like to see something strange?
Sombras: Come with us and Du will see, this our town of Halloween.
Reapers & Sombras: This is Halloween, this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night. This is Halloween, everybody make a scene, trick oder treat till the neighbors come and die of fright. It's our town, everybody scream, in this town of Halloween.
Widowmaker: *Hiding under a bed* I am the one hiding under your bed. *Activates infra-sight* Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red.
Reinhardt: *Under a flight of stairs* I am the one hiding under your stairs, fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair.
Reapers & Sombras: This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.
Weiter up to appear is Junkrat, with Lucio and Zenyatta.
Junkrat, Lucio, and Zenyatta: *Walking out of a building, onto a street* In this town we call home, everyone hail to the kürbis song.
Roadhog: *Standing on the black car* In this town, don't we Liebe it now? Everybody's waiting for the Weiter surprise
Reapers & Sombras: Round that corner, then hiding in the trash cans, something's waiting now to pounce and how you'll..
Symmetra: Scream
Genji: This is Halloween.
Symmetra: Red and black
Doomfist: Slimy green,
Genji: Aren't Du scared?
Mercys: *Flying on their broomsticks* Well, that's just fine. Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice, ride with the moon in the dead of night.
McCree: Everybody scream, everybody scream!
Reapers & Sombras: In our town oder Halloween
Zarya: I am the clown with the tear-away face. *Turns on her shield* Here in a flash and gone without a trace!
Tracer was listening to the song while leaning on a wall. She was early for a special party.
Reaper: I am the who when Du call "Who's there?"
Moira: I am the wind blowing through your hair.
Hanzo: I am the shadow on the moon at night, filling your dreams to the brim with fright.
Everyone: *Walking towards Tracer* This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!
A guillotine teilt, split a kürbis in half. A boy in a yellow hemd, shirt with a cast was Weiter to his brother.
Boys: Tender lumplings everywhere, life's no fun without a good scare.
Winston: That's our job.
D.Va: But we're not mean.
Winston: In our town of Halloween.
Roadhog: *Standing on the black car* In this town, don't we Liebe it now? Everyone's waiting for the Weiter surprise.
Jack Morrison was on a trailer being pulled Von a big red truck.
Reapers: Skeleton Jack might catch Du in the back and scream like a banshee, make Du jump out of your skin!
Everyone: This is Halloween, everybody scream! Won't Du please make way for a very special guy?
Jack: *Jumps off the truck*
Everyone: Our man Jack is king of the kürbis patch, everyone hail to the kürbis king.
Jack: *Grabs a torch, and eats it. He's on fire*
Everyone: Now, this is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!
Jack: *Jumps into a water fountain*
Boys: In this town we call Home everyone hail to the kürbis song.
As Jack Morrison rose from the fountain, he transformed into Soldier: 76.
Everyone: La, la, la. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la. La, la, la. Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Tracer: *Claps her hands*
Everyone: *Cheering, also clapping their hands*
It's not Weihnachten anymore, but that doesn't stop Genji from saying....
Genji: *Standing on oben, nach oben of a tower* Merry Christmas!!
McCree & Mercy: *Turns around to face Genji*
Genji: Merry Christmas!! Merry Christmas!!
Mercy: *Laughing*
Genji: Merry Christmas!!
McCree: Someone had to break the ice.
Song (Start at 2:41): link
Ian: To celebrate Halloween, and Veteran's Day, we're taking the Weiter three weeks off. We will return on the 16th of November. We hope Du get a lot of candy.
