To my wonderful, kind, sweet, dear friend Ashley,
                         I just wanted to say that I am so, so, so damn sorry for what I did to you. I really am sorry, baby. The reason I did what I did was because I was under tremendous amounts of stress. All of mine and Phil’s failed attempts to make a baby, plus the way I was rudely misinformed about Red losing his virginity to Lilly just got to my head and made me do things I had no control over. If there was a way to take back what I did to you, I would. I never meant to cause Du so much pain to your sweet, tasty little Liebe region. Du know how much I Liebe playing with that spot, hehe!
                        Anyway Du should know what I’m saying Von now. I Liebe Du and again, I am really sorry for putting Du through that pain and suffering. I hope Du can find it in your herz to forgive me but if Du won’t, then I’m fine with it. I just needed Du to hear my apologies.
                        Additional to this apology, I also present to Du a gift. One of my most prized possessions; my, well now yours, Marcel and Paddy squeaky toys. Surely Du hate those ugly bastards as much as I do. Hehe! Hope Du enjoy them 
                        Well thanks for hearing my apology. I Liebe you, baby. Never forget that. *kisses*
        PS: I destroyed the taser. Threw it in the bathtub, let the damn thing short itself out.