Some jokes I found, describing the epic badassness of Bauer. :D
1.If Du wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2.Upon hearing that he was played Von Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played Von no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s Favorit color is severe terror alert red. His Sekunde Favorit color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8.1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re f*cked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the Weiter half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit Du it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If Du get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. Du don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When Du open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out oder temporarily killed.
15.If Du are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless Du tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held Von Jack fucking Bauer.
18.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
19.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
20.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
21.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
23.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
24.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
25.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 Minuten to live.
26.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
27.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
28.David spaten always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
29.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would he would do for a Klondike bar...
1.If Du wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2.Upon hearing that he was played Von Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played Von no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s Favorit color is severe terror alert red. His Sekunde Favorit color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8.1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re f*cked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the Weiter half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit Du it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If Du get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. Du don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When Du open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out oder temporarily killed.
15.If Du are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless Du tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held Von Jack fucking Bauer.
18.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
19.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
20.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
21.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
23.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
24.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
25.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 Minuten to live.
26.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
27.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
28.David spaten always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
29.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would he would do for a Klondike bar...
