"I think it's working," Carissa smiled at me. I sat between her and Rigby on the bench. Already, I felt great. My herz was racing, and I almost couldn't sit still. After a few moments though, my eyes started to hurt. "They're just dilating," Carissa told me. "Here." She took off her sunglasses and handed them to me. I noticed her eyes seemed sunken in, and there were gray circles underneath her eyes. She blew her cigarette smoke in my direction.
"Thanks," I sagte energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan sagte on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa sagte calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I sagte quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to Du free for a week," Rigby said. "But Weiter week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The glocke rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. Du look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I moped around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel Mehr empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed Du at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I sagte quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice sagte behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her Frage made my herz lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been gegeben earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned Von her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. Du seem to be... Du haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I sagte quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are Du sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad Du made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my schreibtisch drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
"Thanks," I sagte energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan sagte on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa sagte calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I sagte quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to Du free for a week," Rigby said. "But Weiter week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The glocke rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. Du look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I moped around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel Mehr empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed Du at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I sagte quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice sagte behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her Frage made my herz lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been gegeben earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned Von her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. Du seem to be... Du haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I sagte quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are Du sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad Du made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my schreibtisch drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
Izzy POV
It was about 12:01. I was going out to howl at the moon. When i walked outside, i saw a note. Iread it aloud.
Meet me in the woods at midnight.
love,
Your secret admirer
me:Wow,i have a secret admirer. maybe its owen. No wait, cody! no no, JUSTIN!!! oder trent. What about Geoff?
I wondered all the way there. then, i tripped on a leg.
me:AHHH!
duncan: Hey there babe.
izzy: what? oh, hi duncan. now, whos the secre admirer?
duncan: your looking at him.
me*laughs*okay, okay. Du got me. now, who is it?
duncan:me.
me:oh, really?duncan: uhu!
3rd person
izzy: oh, okay then are Du sure?
duncan; yes babe.
izzy: okay then
duncan: so,
izzy: Du wanna make out.
duncan:okay
*2 hours later*
*2 Mehr hours alter*
izzy: okay well that was fun
duncan: yeah, uh, so, see Du later.
izzy:okay
duncan: yeah.cool. okay then, bye!
izzy: bye.
*15 min later*
both: I Liebe U! *start making out*
It was about 12:01. I was going out to howl at the moon. When i walked outside, i saw a note. Iread it aloud.
Meet me in the woods at midnight.
love,
Your secret admirer
me:Wow,i have a secret admirer. maybe its owen. No wait, cody! no no, JUSTIN!!! oder trent. What about Geoff?
I wondered all the way there. then, i tripped on a leg.
me:AHHH!
duncan: Hey there babe.
izzy: what? oh, hi duncan. now, whos the secre admirer?
duncan: your looking at him.
me*laughs*okay, okay. Du got me. now, who is it?
duncan:me.
me:oh, really?duncan: uhu!
3rd person
izzy: oh, okay then are Du sure?
duncan; yes babe.
izzy: okay then
duncan: so,
izzy: Du wanna make out.
duncan:okay
*2 hours later*
*2 Mehr hours alter*
izzy: okay well that was fun
duncan: yeah, uh, so, see Du later.
izzy:okay
duncan: yeah.cool. okay then, bye!
izzy: bye.
*15 min later*
both: I Liebe U! *start making out*
I remember the times of the i Liebe you's
and times when it was i hate you.
But Du come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights Du stayed.
The child in me, from the times Du loved me.
The debt Du owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time Du spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that Du are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when Du apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.
and times when it was i hate you.
But Du come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights Du stayed.
The child in me, from the times Du loved me.
The debt Du owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time Du spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that Du are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when Du apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.
This is a peom I wrote for a competition at my school. Tell me what Du think of it, please?
__________________________________________________
Have Du felt the torture of hate?
Like a poisonous cloud, it will wait,
Until Du burn in the flames of fury.
Then it will creep up and incapacitate.
Alas! Du will choke, and don’t try to deny your anger.
It is too late.
Hate is like grasping a red hot coal,
Intent on throwing it at another soul,
Instead it is you, yourself, who burns,
Then your own anger shall take its toll,
You’ll bring about your every mistake and failure.
You’ll be alone.
__________________________________________________
Have Du felt the torture of hate?
Like a poisonous cloud, it will wait,
Until Du burn in the flames of fury.
Then it will creep up and incapacitate.
Alas! Du will choke, and don’t try to deny your anger.
It is too late.
Hate is like grasping a red hot coal,
Intent on throwing it at another soul,
Instead it is you, yourself, who burns,
Then your own anger shall take its toll,
You’ll bring about your every mistake and failure.
You’ll be alone.
"I could see the sorrow in his perfect blue eyes,something was wrong."
"Jaslene's Dream"
have Du noticed when Du fall in Liebe it feels like your flying? I have. It the most wonderful feeling in the world. But when do Du feel it? Do Du feel it when Du fall in love, oder when Du just are overfilled with joy?
Have Du ever felt it? oder have Du felt anything close to it? What does it mean? Does it mean that Du have to fly away from it before your Liebe hurts you? oder does it mean that your body enjoys the joy filling your body?
Tell me what Du think...
Have Du ever felt it? oder have Du felt anything close to it? What does it mean? Does it mean that Du have to fly away from it before your Liebe hurts you? oder does it mean that your body enjoys the joy filling your body?
Tell me what Du think...
