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Du know, though I have been reviewing horror games for a while now, it’s been awhile since I reviewed a horror, oder at least, a horror-themed rail shooter. The last one being a Jahr ago, and that was… Rock of the Dead. Kind of regretting my look on that game, to be honest. Which is weird, because there are a few good horror rail shooters out there. Hell, House of the Dead was made on that premise. That and bad voice acting. But hey, speaking of bad voice acting, Resident Evil is a pretty good horror game franchise. (What a shitty segway). So, when Du put the two together, what do Du get? Resident Evil: Dark Chronicles… But I never played that one, so Umbrella Chronicles it is.



Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles lets Du play through the stories of Resident Evil Zero, Resident Evil 1, and Resident Evil 3, as well as having a few added campaigns. The story for these games are as barebones as they can get. They only have the major points added into it, and skip all the unnecessary stuff…. But that also means ignoring Barry so fuck this game! But seriously though, I don’t think people ever really cared about the Resident Evil story, and I doubt Umbrella Chronicles would help with that fact. But Du know what is pretty good. Getting to see the side of Wesker and his involvement with these games. Yeah, like I said, there are some bonus games here, but we’ll get to them later. Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles is a rail shooter that does the job of the shooter games. Du start out with a handgun, and despite having unlimited ammo for it, it is the weakest weapon in the entire game, but can be useful if Du know what Du are doing. Along the way, Du will be able to pick up Mehr weapons, from shotguns to machine Pistolen to rocket launchers. Du can use grenades, but those are best saved for bosses, and the messer is only good when enemies are jumping at you, like leeches oder crows. The enemies are the same ones you’ve met before in classic Resident Evil games. There’s the classic zombies, but also the zombie dogs, Hunters, Lickers, Nemesi, Crimson Heads, those stupid monkeys that were dumb in Zero and are still dumb here, and Leeches. Du can unload an entire clip into the enemies, but if Du aim carefully, Du can get a critical hit and kill them in one hit, which helps with the points later on. Now, I was playing the Wii version of this game, so I found it to be pretty nerve wracking but a good idea to use motion controls. People will always talk about the bad of motion controls, and while I agree there is Mehr bad than good, it works here. You’re fighting monstrous enemies, Du have a few bullets, Du don’t want to waste them, but you're nervous (Or your hand is getting tired of holding up the Wii remote). But there’s no need to worry, since Du are allowed to destroy the entire area around Du and find Umbrella files for Mehr points. I just ended up destroying the entire place with my gun, while also lowering the property of the Spencer Mansion Mehr than it already was.



Now, as far as horror in this game goes, that really depends on how much your nerves can handle. If Du are able to get through the game and treat it as an action game, than I assure Du that Du won’t be scared. The only times I can think of when I was freaking out was during one of Rebecca’s missions, mainly because I made a dumb mistake and was low on health and had to fend off enemies before they hit me once, and the other time was one of the last missions in the game because enemies were constantly rushing me in packs and they just wouldn’t end. But it does have it’s fair share of creepy moments, like when Du play though the stück, hunk level and hear the many different radio broadcasts around Raccoon City. That is some genuinely disturbing stuff right there and I Liebe it. But that is as far as the cares for this game go. The rest is wander around the level and kill enemies. It’s fun, but nothing too scary. But if we want to talk about easy, let’s talk about the bosses in this game. Some can range from being pretty good to pathetically easy to why did they make this?. The bat boss in the Resident Evil Zero story is so pathetically easy, I just held down the attack button until I won. The fight with the two B.O.W.s in Wesker’s story was a lot of fun though, but that may be just because of Wesker jumping around the area. It was pretty funny to me. Lastly, there’s the final boss of the game… And this is where the game starts to kill itself. This boss is terrible. Same easy to spot attacks until he throws a hissy fit and bombards Du with attacks. If Du don’t have something like a rocket launcher oder at least a health spray, Du will die to this part, because he throws way too much shit at Du for Du to get it without at least taking a hit. Aside from that one boss, everything else about the game is just fine.



The game manages to have a lot of other characters stories to play through, and not just through the main one’s we’ve all played through before, like seeing Wesker escape the mansion and his involvement with Resident Evil Zero oder seeing how Rebecca ends up meeting Chris oder how Ada escaped Raccoon City after Resident Evil 2 (There’s no Resident Evil 2 in this game aside from this, maybe, and that’s as far as it goes). If Du ever wanted to see Wesker take on Lisa Trevor as the Spencer Mansion is about to blow up, then this game is just full of them. Du also may want to try and get the S rank in some levels, as not only do Du get the satisfaction of getting a perfect run on the level, but Du also get to unlock other powerful weapons and Du get to try out other levels this way. It adds a ton to this game that Du wouldn’t see in anything else. And if none of these sell you, than only one other thing can. Two player mode. Two player mode is a dying breed in the world of cooperative gameplay. It was big in the early 2000s, but with the rise of online gaming, people have stopped playing games with their Friends on the couch and have gone on to play games with strangers. I don’t hate online gaming, but I much prefer on the couch co-op. And Umbrella Chronicles has just what Du need. Now Du can destroy Mehr of Raccoon City than the zombies and B.O.W.s could ever hope to do with just a puny handgun. It really adds Mehr of a style to this game if Du ask me, and I think that, for Resident Evil fans, oder Fans of classic on rail shooters of the arcade era, that this is a game that Du should get. It’s for both Wii and Playstation 3, and easily a worthwhile game.



Umbrella Chronicles may not be as good of a purchase as buying Zero oder Remake oder even the original 3 despite finally getting some damn good FMV from this game that the original 3 could never deliver, but I’d say that this game manages to be fun in it’s own rights, while also answering a few Fragen about Resident Evil. “But Nik, didn’t Du say that no one cares about the story of Resident Evil?” Yes, but it’s dumb enough for some people to be interested. Shut up! If Du want a game that is fun oder if Du just want something to pass the time while Du wait for something else, than this is for you. But I’d say it’s worth Mehr than just a few Minuten of gameplay, especially if Du have Friends over. Take notes, Dead Weltraum 3. This is how Du do co-op. But in your case, don’t do co-op. Take care.

(Link to the first episode will be in the Kommentare section for those who haven't seen it yet.)

(Hey there! Jared Potts here with the Weiter exciting episode of my new Kürzlich hit fan-fiction series, Network 999! Seeing as how the support for the last episode was pretty incredible, I decided to make the Weiter one a bit early. :D I hope Du enjoy the Weiter episode of Network 999!)

Quick Story Recap: It is the Jahr 2087, and technology nowadays is extremely advanced.

The Internet (called Network 999) is also even Mehr powerful than ever. Du see, ever since a group of scientists produced an update to...
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Guys, I am not making this up, this is probably the darkest one Von far. Sure, it may not be so bad when we get to later stories, but trust me, Von far, this is my darkest one. So, back when I was like nine, and I was still living in a suburban neighborhood. And let me tell you, this neighborhood is like one of those late 70’s sitcoms. I mean, this place was so caucasian, that I felt like I was in a winter wonderland. But anyway, we went to this one park called Hueston Woods back when we all actually gave a shit about going outside (Yeah, imagine that. Kids actually used to go outside). Anyway,...
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Link: Man, this job is a lot Mehr fun than I thought (Kills monster) I mean, when do I get to help someone Von killing someone (Kills another monster) It’s very rare I get to help out someone and actually have fun doing it (Kills another monster) Okay, I think I finally have enough of these things hearts…. But, I’m in no rush (Continues to kill monsters, then, hears music) What is that? Is it an angel. I got to find it (Hears Musik behind waterfall) What is this. The Musik is coming from behind this waterfall (Climbs through waterfall, leading to an empty cave) Oh, a secret cave. Good...
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(Some readers may find this disturbing)

So, what do Du get when Du get sex, rape, and poor writing..... well, pretty much most of the shit I reviewed, but what if it was a Creepypasta.... Okay, without involving My Little Pony........ Du get Dirty Movie.
Now, lets start off with saying the main character is a porn director.... Hate this story already. Anyway, he retires, because I don't know. This couple comes to him, because I don't know, and they ask him to help with their sex life, because I don't know, and the porn director comes out of retirement to help them......... Because I don't...
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Narrator: Long ago, in the kingdom of Hyrule, there lived lots of farmers and only one horse. Suddenly, a giant black guy came and set houses on fire. All hope was lost, until a boy dressed in girls clothes came and defeated the giant black man. The possibly homosexual boy was known as the Hero of Time. The land was in peace for years, until the black guy came back, for some reason, and set stuff on feuer again. People hoped the hero would return, but he never did and everyone realized he was just a fucking poser. What happened to the land of Hyrule. None remain who know....... Wait, then how...
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So whenever I hear someone describe something that is weird as, “Wow, what kind of drugs were they taking when they made this”, I just groan. I always hated the whole criticism of how something weird must be related to drugs oder any other illegal substance, and that there is nothing creative oder thought provoking into the madness. Now, is there anything thought provoking about Katamari Damacy? …. Eeeeehhh.
So Katamari Damacy is not really a drug trip, but Mehr of a… case of being Japanese. After the King of All Cosmos (Yes, that’s his name) destroys all the stars in the sky after...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Wind: (Walks over to the Empress) So, yeah, when I went to those other towns to find the cure for the plague…. They tried to lynch me, but since they were worried they’d get the plague from touching me, they then started shooting at me with rifles. I had arrows and firebombs thrown at me. I think I breathed in enough bomb ash that it’s fucking up my lungs as we speak.
Empress: Oh, this is terrible
Wind: You’re damn right it’s terrible. I’m the only one in this damn city with an attention span lasting Mehr than five seconds, so if I die, we’ve all pretty much Lost the only person...
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Link: I swear to god, this is a bunch of bullshit. We have met two people, and got shitty rewards.
Tetra: Well, we still got one Mehr person on this island to talk to. Mesa
Link: Mesa. Du mean the lazy bum
Tetra: Well, I'm sure he has a good quest for us
(Later, at Mesa's house)
Mesa: Cut my grass
Link: ........ Really. Cut the grass. I swear, I am doing chores for lazy as shit people.
Mesa: Du want your reward oder not
Link: Well, fine (Walks out and cuts the grass)
Tetra: Well, sure, things may be boring, but, at least we're getting a reward
Link: Really? What? Ten dollars for the Süßigkeiten store
Tetra:...
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Nate: (Driving through city with Emma and Chris) I can't believe we have to go and get money for a couple of punks
Emma: At least we'll be safe
Chris: Yeah. I just want to find a place where we can eat. God, I'm starving
Nate: Christ, please, just, stay quiet
Chris: Fine, I'll just keep quiet and starve to death
Nate: Good. Do that (Keeps driving, until he comes to bank, only to see a large truck in front of it) What the- (Nate gets out of car) Guys, stay here. I'll be right back (Walks into bank to see robbers trying to brake into the safe, Von setting explosives on it)
Robber 1: Come on, man. We...
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Tingle: Oh, hello aga-
Link: GIVE ME THE FUCKING MAP
Tinge: Well, lets see (Counts bag of rupees) Well, it seems to be about right. Here is your map
Link: GREAT! HOW MUCH MAPS DO I NEED LEFT
Tingle: Hmm...... About four
Link: THANK Du (Leaves)
King of Red Lions: So, where is the Weiter Triforce shard
Link: ON SOME STUPID ISLAND
King of Red Lions: Then let us be off
Link: GOOD IDEA
King of Red Lions: ......Um...... Why are Du still yelling. You've been doing that ever since we left the Wind Temple
Link: I TOLD YOU! I'M REALLY FUCKING PISSED
King of Red Lions: Oh right
TO BE CONTINUED
Final Fantasy 7 - Cloud: Okay, everyone, now once were inside, we will have to face an large amount of enemies that come out of nowhere, for some reason, is everybody ready
Everyone: No
Cloud: Okay, lets go (Runs in)
Enemy: Boo, mother fucker
Cloud: Quick, everyone, lets kill him. Barret. Tifa. Go
Barret: Alright, take this (Shoots and misses) Shit
Tifa: Okay. Here I go (Punches but misses) What the fuck. How stupid does someone have to be to miss a punch. They enemies aren't even moving
Enemies: Okay, our turn
Tifa: Quick, while they're attacking, lets kick their asses
Cloud: Tifa, we can't do that,...
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People say that My Immortal is the worst Fanfic ever. Yes, its bad. I mean really bad, but no, it is not the worst. That is The Pokemon Story. Fuck, My Immortal isn't even the worst Harry Potter fanfiction. Yeah, I was surprised to find a fanfic worse then My Immortal, but I'm surprised I found a worse Harry Potter fanfic. The story in Frage is Lucius and Draco Malfoy in Squick... Don't know what Squick means. Don't worry, Du will after this review and you'll regret it in the end.
So, we start of with Lucius being disappointed in his son, Draco, and is going to punish him. Okay, so it doesn't...
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schnell, swift Justice: Ace Attorney

Case 1-3

Heartbroken Turnabout

Lilly: I-I didn't do it. I swear
Police: LIAR!!! Du had every right to
Lilly: I swear I didn't
Police: We found evidence that Du were there. There's no use denying it
Lilly: Please. Du have to believe me
Police: Well just see how the Judge thinks of this tomorrow. Your going to pay for what Du did
Lilly: I didn't do it. I didn't kill him
Police: you'll get your just desserts. A bit of cold, hard schnell, swift justice, to be exact

Court Lobby
April 2nd 10:27 a.m.

Swift: *Okay, Swift. Du can do this. Its just like the old days, only your on the opposite...
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Technophilia

November, 2099. The sun has become a dim light that was once a magnificent star. The Earth has grown cold and dark. Soon the sun will go out. No one who can afford to leave stays there, and those that do stay on Earth only do so for reasons of nostalgia oder lack of finances. The outer solar system has now become humanity’s home. Large Weltraum stations have been built on asteroids all across the solar system. The first of these was the Weltraum colony known as New Olympus. What started out as a small colony on a large rock has grown into a massive empire, where neon lights shine brighter...
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added by Seanthehedgehog
Source: Michigan
added by Seanthehedgehog
Source: Michigan


So despite the fact that I talked about Dual Destinies, it is not my Favorit of the Ace Attorney games. Sure, I am aware of it’s really good story and it’s technical advancements to the franchise, but my Favorit in the franchise is the very first one I played… And considering the narrative in the franchise, it may not have been great to start with the third game in the franchise, but whatever.
Ace Attorney Trials and Tribulations follows Phoenix Wright in his third Jahr of being a defense lawyer. As he deals with the past that is coming back to haunt him in the form of a mysterious...
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