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posted by LocalArtistist
Do Du work at Subway? Because Du just gave me a footlong.
Hi, do Du want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
You're like my little toe, because I'm going to bang Du on every piece of furniture in my home.
I'm no weather man, but Du can expect Mehr than a few inches tonight.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't Du like pizza?
Do Du work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw Du checking out my package.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think Du just made my two Von four into a four Von eight.
I'll give Du a nickel if Du tickle my pickle.
Du are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
What's the speed of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 Du have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my Weiter mission is to explore Uranus.
If I had AIDS, would Du have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do Du give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
Miss, If you've Lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made Du come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Do Du wanna come to the Marines, oder would your rather have a Marine come into you?
There are 265 Bones in the human body. How would Du like one more?
Why don't Du come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Do Du take Visa?
How do Du like your eggs? Poached, scrambled oder fertilized?
Du smell... We should go take a dusche together.
Would Du like a hotdog to go with those buns?
Are Du a virgin? [No] Prove it!
Du bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what Du think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some Poesie in motion?
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an Stunde fast!
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" Du do down.
Would Du like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
Do Du believe in free love? [No] Then how much do Du cost?
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Hi, I'm gay. Do Du think Du can convert me?
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add Mehr lubricants.
[Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
What are Du doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
Will Du be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place!
I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!
What is a nice girl like Du doing in a dirty mind like mine?
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth!
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posted by animelol
HAPPY NEW Jahr EVERYONE


OH my gosh, we survived the 2012 apocalypse!
Friend: Wait, werent we supposed to die?
Me: YES
Friend: Hmm... oh well
Me: So Im just going to say happy new Jahr and PLEASE watch the ball drop at...
Friend: WHAT?
Me: Duhh! Anyway watch the ball drop at NYC
oder something like that.
Friend: And check out what happen so far in 2012!
Me: Uhh yeah like Hurricane Sandy and the massacre at Sandy Hook...
Friend: *silence*
Me: *silence*
Me: So sorry for u guys at Sandy Hook and those who got knocked over Von Hurricane Sandy!
Friend: Im never going to the strand again!
Me: WHY?
Friend: CUZ THE strand IS SANDY!
Me: Oh, right. Watever.
Friend: Dont forget to look at the records for 2012 and possibly 2013!
Me: Sure! And WATCH SMOSH!
Friend: Go to Links and click on the link that says smosh.com!

BYE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!