I'm putting two funny Artikel together in one, hope Du enjoy it!
Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
2. I Liebe deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would Du know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what Du need, and I'll tell Du how to get along without it.
8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time Du need him, chances are Du won't need him again.
10. I don't have an attitude problem. Du have a perception problem.
11. Last night I lay in bett looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?! "
12. My Reality Check bounced.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through erdnuss butter.
16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, Du are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
17. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. And,18. Never argue with an idiot. They drag Du down to their level then beat Du with experience."
A Cynic's guide to life.
A Cynics Guide to Life:The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken Fan gürtel and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a blume grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a feuer drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner oder later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone. If Du don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts Du off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, Du can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. Each Tag I try to enjoy something from each of the four Essen groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the- fridge-is " group. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. ust remember... Du gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car! When Du find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie oder an Indian burn. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price Du pay for letting the relatives stay over. It's a small world. So Du gotta use your elbows a lot. Keep your nose to the schleifstein and your shoulder to the wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. Liebe is like a roller coaster: when it's good Du don't want to get off, and when it isn't... Du can't wait to throw up."
Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
2. I Liebe deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would Du know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what Du need, and I'll tell Du how to get along without it.
8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time Du need him, chances are Du won't need him again.
10. I don't have an attitude problem. Du have a perception problem.
11. Last night I lay in bett looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?! "
12. My Reality Check bounced.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through erdnuss butter.
16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, Du are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
17. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. And,18. Never argue with an idiot. They drag Du down to their level then beat Du with experience."
A Cynic's guide to life.
A Cynics Guide to Life:The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken Fan gürtel and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a blume grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a feuer drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner oder later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone. If Du don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts Du off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, Du can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. Each Tag I try to enjoy something from each of the four Essen groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the- fridge-is " group. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. ust remember... Du gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car! When Du find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie oder an Indian burn. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price Du pay for letting the relatives stay over. It's a small world. So Du gotta use your elbows a lot. Keep your nose to the schleifstein and your shoulder to the wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. Liebe is like a roller coaster: when it's good Du don't want to get off, and when it isn't... Du can't wait to throw up."
