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DEMENTED POEMS

Rosen are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

Rosen are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

Rosen are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And Zeigen me your tits

Rosen make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And Du Liebe it up the shitter

Rosen are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

Rosen are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

Rosen are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

Rosen are shit
Violets are crap
Zeigen me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

Rosen are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And schlucken it down

Rosen are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a kreis that had its two sides gently compressed Von a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina...
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posted by pure-angel
I Found that on the internet

1. When Du were young, were Du involved in any kind of political protests such as for the Civil Rights movement oder against Vietnam? Why oder why not?

2. What tells Du when a child is responsible enough to trust a lot?

3. What was your first car? What was your Favorit car when Du were young?

4. How often do Du go over the speed limit?

5. Were Du considered beliebt in middle school oder high school? Why oder why not?

6. Did Du have big fights with your mom when Du were growing up? If so, what were they usually about?

7. Did Du have big fights with your dad when Du were...
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posted by black_magics
1.The 'poke' button on Facebook is awesome...
But I think there should be a 'stab' button...

2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS
the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it.

3. anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

4.Text someone and tell them "Hey, I Lost my phone, can Du call it?"
and see how many people call it

5. 3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape,
and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!...
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1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When Du sleep over never boss me around in bett unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If Du don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” oder “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If Du want sex, just ask. (In case Du didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those...
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1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with Mehr than 5 guys..you're a HOE)

2. "Hey, are Du busy?" oder "Are Du doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all Tag but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's...
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I got bored, so here Du go.


1. BlueEyedDemon

2. SuicidalSlut

3. MaliciousIntent

4. GloomyTears

5. Blacklight

6. DarkSunshine

7. FallenIsolation

8. DrowningInTears

9. DismalAngel

10. FallenSolitude

11. HopingInSolitude

12. SilentCall

13. CountingOnRain

14. CalledForMishap

15. RuefulDestiny

16. FallenAngel

17. KilledByAnAngel (I know for a fact it's taken on here Von my twin sis but I made it up)

18. FlamingCore

19. Darkenin(g)InRegret (The G could be taken off if there is a 15 character like on Fanpop)

20.Itrieditathome

21. RunWithScissors

22. PlaydateWithFire (Over 15 characters but... I like it)

23. RejectedStar...
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A
Abbess
Ablaze
Ace
Acid
Adamant
Aegis
Airspeed
Alaczar (Spanish: Fortress)
AlleyCat
Animus
Anti-Matter Man
Aqualung (guy with frog powers)
Arc
ArchAngel
Argus
gürteltier
Arsenal
Asmodeus
Astra
Atomaestro
Avion
Axe (a brick with an axe)

B
BackFlash
dachs
Ballistique
Banelord
Baron K
barrakuda, barracuda
Basalt
Battery
Bile
Billy Blue Blazes (a speedster)
Bird of Prey
Black Adept
Blackbody
Black falke, falcon (Brick/Martial Artist)
Black Light
Blackmane
BlackShadow
Blackthorne
Black wolf
Blade Song
Blast Off
Bloodletter
Bloodstone (a magic-based mentalist with a crystal...
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posted by iluvsmj
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at Du trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can KISS a guy* a bird can KISS a butterfly* the rising sun can KISS the grass* but Du my friend!! yes you!! Du CAN KISS MY ASS*******

If Du didn't have feet Du wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do Du wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for Du %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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posted by chowjoyi
41 ways to annoy your parents



1. Follow them everywhere.

2. When they say your name, moo loudly like a cow.

3. If Du have a dog, follow the dog around on all-fours and say "Bark." over and over again really loudly.

4. Talk to a pen constantly.

5. When your Friends come over, pretend to be talking in code and have your friend say 'Your-a pa smells-a like a woman-a." If they crack the code, play stupid.

6. Have a dozen of imaginary Friends that Du ask their opinion of everything.

7. After Du have your bath, wickeln, wickeln sie a bath towel around Du and then walk outside of the bathroom. When your parents ask...
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1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5.Do not go out in public.
6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7.Note expressions.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers Du know.
12.Strangers Du don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13.For legal purposes be sure to Löschen above note.
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time Du turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him oder her that you’ve Lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he oder she has anything...
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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the ofen on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add...
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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my Liste of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let Du know now i got alot of these from the Youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything oder eating anything Du might spit it oder something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the besen late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bucht they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorite...
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posted by CoaxochYJ
My suicide note that I threw away cuz of my awesome Friends and life I wanted to keep.

To the friends, I call my family,

By the time Du read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.

A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.

It is too late for me now, and I know it.

Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.

But I feel it, so that's something, right?

I have been dead for a while now, though Du may not have noticed.

I died the night I couldn't Liebe you, my love.

I loved Du with everything.

My heart, my body and soul.

I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

At least you're happy....
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posted by My8thUsername
A/N: I Liebe copy-and-pastes. Here's a enormungantic Liste I did. 'Cause I felt like it. Oh, and they're not in any order. I just wanted to know how many I have. Von the way, just because I copied them here doesn't necessarily mean they apply to me. I just thought they were cute/funny/awesome. After all, this isn't my profile...

1.98 percent of teenagers do oder has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. A/N: Never ever. And proud.

2.Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when Du don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as...
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posted by Bubblekat
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar Du grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something oder someone

3. Go up to a Zufällig person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki Zufällig noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a brunnen run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to Du in public about the...
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1. Try to start a wave

2. Gasp every time there is a swear word.

3. Wear a huge Afro wig.

4. Every 15 Minuten stand up and then sit back down.

5. Yell out to the screen “Don’t Do It!”

6. If there is a Liebe scene, reach over in front of Du and cover a Zufällig person’s eyes.

7. Stand in front of the screen motionless and face the audience the entire movie.

8. Scalp tickets outside the theater.

9. If a catchy song plays in the movie stand up and dance.

10. Bring an attachable seat-belt. Strap it to your sitz and then clip it on yourself. Turn to the person Weiter to Du and say, “you never know”....
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Dare

1. Prank call your best friend.

2. Run around the neighborhood screaming, "I Liebe GAY PEOPLE!"

3. Ask your parents when they first had sex.

3. Pour mayo, ketchup, vinegar, and sugar and into a cup and drink the contents.

4. Sing the first song that comes to your head in your loudest voice.

5. Scream and say, "My water bottle broke!" (I did this and many people heard it as "my water broke lol)

6. Ask your crush out then dump him/her 5 mins later.

7. Whenever someone tries to explain something to Du say, "Why don't Du speak Mehr clearly?"

8. Run around the house in your underwear. (Recommended...
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For my friend.
__________________________________________________

If Du climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.

Talk slowly, think quickly.

Never approach a stier, bull from the front, a horse from the rear oder a fool from any direction.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whloe lot easier than puttin' it back.

Brace your backbone and forget your wishbone.

Just 'cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean Du have to offer it a place to sit down.

If Du find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Don't wake a sleepin' rattler.

Don't squat witn your spurs on.

Every trail has some puddles....
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