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I’ve gotta be honest — aside from learning how much Caleb hates the name Cybil, this was a slow episode. Evil Emoji seems to have overreacted a bit on the egg front, there’s a new potential murder weapon (which seems 

scary than a golf club, but okay), and the lovemaking between the ladies and their fellas continues to scream, “They’re 

Case in point: We open in a cheesy love motel that gave me serious 

 flashbacks, where Hanna and Jordan are taking a break from both New York and Rosewood. The next morning, Hanna wakes up to a flurry of frantic texts from the other Liars (just like Spencer did a couple weeks ago). One thing I really love about the new onscreen texts is that when someone has 10 unread messages crowding the screen like that, I feel a lot more overwhelmed than when we’re just zooming in on a phone. It makes the panic feel so much more visual. Hanna freaks out because of the texts and because Jordan’s not there, and when he comes back (he was just downstairs making phone calls), she says they have to leave now. He tells her to eat the breakfast room service brought before they leave — but she didn’t order any. The tray sitting outside the door comes with a note that reads, “THE HONEYMOON IS OVER.” On the plate, in ketchup scrawled above a pair of fried eggs and bacon arranged in a sad face, it says, “Poor Jordie.” The question is: Did Evil Emoji place a long-distance order or somehow follow them to this middle-of-nowhere hotel?

Meanwhile, Spencer and Aria are investigating the hole they found in Sara Harvey’s Radley closet, which leads to a secret, skinny hallway, where they find things like a dust-covered torture machine similar to the one Charlotte used on them in the Dollhouse. Ah, so now we know where she found her inspiration! And since this secret passage leads all the way out of the hotel, now the Liars understand how Sara Harvey (OR someone else) has been sneaking in and out despite looking like she never leaves her room.

They tell Caleb about their find, but Caleb’s more concerned with what he found in the Phillips campaign server — specifically that “Opposition Research” folder, where he found photos of Veronica Hastings’ medical files. Turns out she’s not well but hasn’t told Spencer, and the Phillips campaign is planning to leak the news to convince voters she’s too sick to hold office. Here’s 

plan for the rest of the season: As Veronica gets sicker, she realizes she needs to hire a body double to finish out her campaign. Who does she choose? Her long-lost twin sister, Mariska Hargitay! Can the people of Pennsylvania spot the difference? No! And everyone lives happily ever after. Anyway, that hasn’t happened 

For now, Spencer decides not to confront her mom because she’s so happy running for office and not using her law degree to defend her family from 7,000 different potential murders of half-siblings and stuff. 

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Ali and Dr. Rollins are meeting with Detective Tanner, who tells them that someone from a restaurant called Two Crows called the DiLaurentis house the night Charlotte was killed and talked to someone for three minutes. Ali and Rollins swear they didn’t hear a phone ring (Rollins was really adamant about that, even though he wasn’t there the whole night… Weird), so we’re left with two questions: Who called, and who answered? Oh also, Tanner lets it slip that the murder weapon we’ve been chasing after 

a golf club: It was a hollow, metal rod that’s rectangular at the end. Sounds…a lot less threatening, but what do I know about murder?

Ali tells Emily and Spencer about the murder weapon, and they finally confess to Ali that Evil Emoji thinks they know who killed Charlotte. Emily, meanwhile, decides to go check out the fertility clinic to see if anything’s gone awry with her eggs, and of course, when she gets there, the worst has happened. The freezers and all the backup power supplies were destroyed, so Emily’s eggs and those of 30 other couples and women were all compromised. WOW. Is it just me, or did Evil Emoji really not give Emily enough time to act on the threat from the end of last week? That seems like a rash move — not to mention unnecessarily cruel. Since when does the “A” person hurt 

Talk about hurting strangers: Mona admits that she told Yvonne to leave her phone at the lunch with Spencer as a test of trust. “You wanted me to take it,” Spencer says. Mona agrees and explains that the campaign (not Yvonne herself) 

planning to leak the documents, which Mona things is wrong and unfair. I like when Mona is using her conniving spirit and brains 

the Liars, not against them. Isn’t it fun to be on the same team?

Spencer begs Caleb to just get in and delete the files, but he explains that his position will be compromised. Now he’s just a fly on the wall, but if he actually makes moves in there, the Phillips campaign will know they’ve been infiltrated. Ever the moral compass, Caleb thinks Veronica needs to get ahead of the story and just put it out there herself. 

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