posted by Seanthehedgehog
In this collection of shorts, you'll see certain types of people that drive certain types of cars, and you'll also learn the truth about getting on the front page of fanpop.
There are many different types of cars for many different types of people. Observe.
Man: *Driving a black A6 at 80 miles an Stunde down the highway* Get out of the fucking way!!! *Pushes a Cadillac off the road*
Woman: *Crashes into a tree* Maniac!
Man: *Tailgating a Jaguar that is actually going the speed of 55* Come on, don't Du know what the speed is?! *Honks the horn* Let's go!! *Honks again* I don't have time for this!! *Bumps into the Jaguar, and makes it crash into a guardrail*
Buff Man: *Leaning on a trailer with a speed boat* Yep, just getting my Jeep filled up with gas here at the Gulf station, and then I'm going to New York to go fishing, and test out my new boat. God I Liebe my Jeep. Off roading is the way of life.
Man: *Driving a Taurus. He slows down as he gets behind a Corvette* Why is he slowing down?
Teenager: *Looking at the Ford behind him* Please don't be undercover, please don't be undercover!
Man: *Passes him*
Teenager: *Lets out a sigh of relief as he watches the Ford speed away from him*
Old Man: *Turns left, passing a red light. He pushes a truck off the road* Learn how to drive!!
Man 53: *Looks at the dent on his truck* Jackass.
Lady: *Points at her Accord* This is the best car ever, because it's very fuel efficient.
Man: *Looks at his Volt* Yeah, sure.
Lady: (Dammit! He knows the truth! His car is better!!)
Hummer, yes people still drive these
Man: Alright!! I finished lifting the 600 pound weights. Now it's time to go to Wal-Mart and buy stuff!!
People: *Shopping at Wal-Mart*
Man: *Crashes into the front of the store* I WANT 60,000 CASES OF WATER!!! PRONTO!!!
Worker: They're in Aisle 12!
Man: DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!!!!! And while you're at it, FILL UP MY HUMMER WITH DIESEL!!!!!!!!!!! I also need some Blu-Ray discs, a Blu-Ray player, and a large variety of food!
Worker: That probably explains why Du crashed through the front of our store.
Not all Hummers run on diesel FYI.
A hot chick with big breasts was walking towards a rosa Fiat 500.
Girl: *Grabs a dildo out of the handschuh compartment, then puts the key in the ignition. She turns it, and as she hears the engine having trouble starting, she begins to masturbate with the dildo* Ah! Ah! *Turns the key again as she continues masturbating* Oh yes~!
Girl: It's the same thing as Fiat, only in France.
Man 96: Does anyone even drive those?
Girl: I have a 2CV.
Man 96: ...of course Du do.
Girl: *In a '55 Beetle, masturbating as her car won't start* Ja, Ja! Jawohl! Das ist wunderbar!
Man 89: Das ist das gleiche Problem wie Fiat, aber in Deutschland.
Man: *Steps out of his car, wearing a tuxedo*
Woman: *Sitting behind a computer* Have Du found anything yet?
Man: I spotted our target's vehicle. It's parked in front of the casino. It may take a while for me to-
Man 43: *Steps out of his car*
Man: Never mind, I got a clear shot. *Shoots the man*
Woman: Du were supposed to bring him in alive!
Man: I'm Daniel Craig, I don't care about bringing people in for questioning. I only care about murder.
And finally, Nissan
A doorbell rang, and the door was soon opened Von none other than.........ThaSlimJim.
ThaSlimJim: Oh cool, Du brought my pizza.
pizza Delivery Guy: Yes, I brought it in my new Altima.
ThaSlimJim: Holy shit dude, I have that car!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sick bro!
ThaSlimJim: Do Du also like pizza too?
pizza Delivery Guy: Hell yeah dude, that's why I deliver it!
ThaSlimJim: Sick! Come on in, I got some marijuana!
pizza Delivery Guy: Rock on bro!!
6 hours later
pizza Delivery Guy: *Stoned as he walks back to his car*
ThaSlimJim: Yo, come back tomorrow with Mehr pizza!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sure thing bro. *Stumbles into his car, and drives away. He swerves down the road at 60 miles an hour*
Mehr Car Stereotypes
We have Mehr stereotypes for Mehr cars, coming your way.
Butler: *Parks a Silver Wraith in front of a giant mansion*
Rich Man: *Steps out with an unbrella* Well, pish posh and perfection, welcome to my British Home dear chap. Come this way and I'll Zeigen Du what's inside. *Inside his house* First off, we have every picture inside a Gold frame. Each frame is 24 karat gold. I have 65 million pounds worth of diamonds, and 65 million pounds in general. I make ten thousand pounds a day, and share half of it with everyone in town.
Butler: He wouldn't do that if he had an Audi. He'd have to save up to keep it from falling apart.
Teenager: *Looking at a man*
Man: Du scratched my truck.
Teenager: I did not.
Man: Yes Du did.
Teenager: *Follows the man towards his truck. No scratch is seen*
Man: My door is messed up thanks to you.
Teenager: I didn't even touch your truck.
Man: Du need to be Mehr careful on your bicycle. Get some training wheels.
Teenager: Hey, worry about yourself. *Rides away*
Man: *Shaking in fury*
Girl: *Looking at a black charger following her* Please don't be undercover.
Man: *Driving the Charger* What is the meaning of this person going slow? *Runs the girl off the road*
Girl: *Stuck in a ditch* Well, he's definitely not a cop.
Teenager: *Going 75 on the highway* I don't care if the speed is 55. I'm late for college.
Man 77: *Parked on the side of the road in a Suburban*
Teenager: *Turns off the highway, and drifts onto a road, turning right. He sees the Suburban* That's not a cop, because cops only use Ford's.
Man 77: *Spots the teenager speeding past him. He follows him, turning on his police lights* Dispatch, I got me a speeder.
Teenager: *Looks back at the cop* Fuck.
Mercedes-Benz. There's two of these.
The first one.
Busty Blonde: *Stops at a gas station in a shiny convertible* I need premium.
Attendant: You're not gonna masturbate if Du have engine trouble, are you?
Busty Blonde: Does my car look like a Fiat? Besides, why should I masturbate, when I got you?
Indian: Hello, I from India, and this is my 1978 Mercedes. It is diesel powered, and should break down, but it does not, because it is Mercedes. All Indians, and Muslims in America drive diesel powered sedans from the 70's and 80's.
Muslim: Not me, I drive Volvo.
Indian: Get a diesel Du bitch.
Man: *Drifting in snow* Woo-hoo!!
Man 79: *In a Ford Focus* Why am I losing?
Man: Because you're not driving a Mitsubishi. The king of rally cross, in dirt, oder snow!! Yeah!! *Goes over a 50 foot jump, and continues driving in the snow* Forget Jeep, Subaru, and everything else. Mitsubishi is what Du need for off road adventures.
Asian: *Drifting in an outback station wagon. He smiles as he tries hard not to lean into the passenger's sitz as he continues drifting*
And finally, BMW
I wish this wasn't true, because BMW's are very nice cars. Alas, some BMW drivers do behave like morons. As a matter of fact, what Du will see actually happened to me recently.
Man: *At a red light, getting ready to turn left. He looks at a BMW X5 on the other side of the intersection, also getting ready to turn left* That's a nice car, I'd like to have one of those.
Woman: *In the X5*
Man: *Sees the light turn green. He begins to go forward*
Woman: *Driving forward, but gets in front of the other car, and goes on the wrong side of the road*
Man: What are Du doing?
Woman: Du nearly hit me!!
Man: I'm not the one who got on the left side of the road. *Gets rammed Von a Toyota*
Okay, I didn't actually get rammed, but a Toyota was coming towards me at 80 miles an hour. If Du want to kill yourself, that's your problem, but don't get others involved Von driving like a jackass.
How To Get On The Front Page Of Fanpop
Man 72: *Sitting with a friend at a cafe*
Man 66: *On his laptop* I'm trying to get on the front page of this website called Fanpop, but it ain't workin'.
Man 72: Why not?
Man 66: Well I gepostet an Artikel called ten things Du should never do while sleeping, and nobody seems to like it.
Man 72: Ten things Du should't do while sleeping? Du came up with that, and you're wondering why no one likes it?
Man 66: So I only came up with six things on the list, who cares?
Man 72: What kind of stuff usually gets on the front page?
Man 66: Well, there's a wonderful series of Artikel here from WindWakerGuy430 called Hidden Gems. He reviews video games that most people never heard of. They're pretty great.
Man 72: What else is on the front page there?
Man 66: Well it ain't just articles. Du got pictures, mostly focusing on women and their breasts, which I think is odd. Then there's also a few Videos which...wait...what is this garbage? Nermai gepostet a trailer to that new movie.
Man 72: Who's Nermai?
Man 66: She's always on the front page, only because she keeps posting trailers to terrible movies!!
Sean: *Arrives* Hi, I'm an actual Fanpop user. What seems to be the trouble?
Man 66: This hündin keeps getting on the front page for postin' shit, and I don't even get any Kommentare on Artikel that I work very hard on!
Woman 50: Did someone say hard on?
Sean: No! *Pushes the woman into a bus* There are certain ways for Du to get on the front page on fanpop.
Man 72: How so?
Sean: First off, you've noticed those pictures with the girls, right?
Man 72: Yeah.
Sean: Well, everyone's doing that. Even though half of those pictures are inappropriate, hundreds of people on this beloved website frequently post pictures of girls with either big tits, oder big butts. Then there's the cute animals. Also, let's not forget that one My Little pony picture that keeps popping up. Why is that still there? There's tons of better pictures.
Man 72: Well I think we got the pictures down. How do Du get on the front page with videos?
Sean: Du don't, because Nermai, Greyswan618, and DarkSarcasm have no lives. They're always posting trailers to new Filme oder TV shows that no one cares about, every single Stunde during the day. Except Tag. That looks great.
Man 66: What about Ready Player One?
Sean: That hasn't been on the front page in a while, but I do like that movie.
Man 66: How do I get my Artikel on the front page?
Sean: *Looks at the laptop* oben, nach oben 10 Things Du Shouldn't Do While Sleeping? Du only have 6 items on here. This will never do. Unfortunately however, even if Du do try to make a good article, Fanpop's too focused on those trailers I mentioned earlier. Anyways, that's all there is to it. Happy Fanpopping. *Walks away*
Man 66: *Deletes his account*