1.Grasp cat firmly in your arms. wiege its head on your elbow, just as
if Du were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "Thats a nice kitty."
Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from oben, nach oben of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left
hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth
with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse
to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when Du have cat firmly cradled in
bottle-feeding position, sit down on...

If Du have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If Du cannot manage
this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good!
Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the
evening. He won't dare push Du off and will even call Du "nice kitty."
If Du can arrange to have cat Essen on your breath, so much the better.
For sitting on laps oder rubbing against hosen, hose legs, select Farben which
contrast with your own.
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand...