I asked someone to read it and she replied with some stuff that helped me to focus on many things in my story , (she's got soo many good thing in her gallery ! ) and she gave me this reply:
Hi
The story is interesting though was a little confusing in parts. Is this part of a bigger story? I think it was because the first few lines are like a synopsis and the rest appears to be dialogue. It threw me a little.
The idea of Nelian fighting the dark forces, with what appears to be his own dark powers (taken from a demon). I like the concept of this, Nelian using such negative powers rather than going...
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