The two things everyone's been talking about lately are Christian Bale's onset freakout and those ubiquitous 25 Zufällig Things About Me lists. It got us wondering if maybe Christian Bale himself had made a list, so we hacked into his Facebook account. And then we made this fake list.

1) I ad-libbed all of Newsies. It wasn't even supposed to be a musical.

2) My philosophy: It's not who Du are underneath, but how good Du are at staying out of my fucking eye-line that defines you.

3) I Lost my virginity to Miranda Richardson on the set of Empire of the Sun. In costume. Her costume.

4) If I've...

Christian Bale: Hot oder Not?
By Ted Berg

Christian Bale’s beauty cannot be put into words, but I will try.

That which does not kill Christian Bale only makes him hotter.

Before I expound, let me state for the record that I am a fiercely heterosexual man. I have engaged one woman to marry me and spend every morning on the subway attempting to engage several others in mutual eye contact. And it’s not because I am in any way nefarious. I am loyal; I just want women to acknowledge me in some small way because I find them mesmerizing. Achingly beautiful.

Just not quite as beautiful as Christian Bale....