For those of Du who didn't see my pick, I'm trying to decide whether I should reveal at the beginning of my book, that a main character is going to die at the end. These are three versions of opening paragraphs that I've written. If there's one that Du like the best, let me know in the Kommentare oder in the pick.
1. This one gives away the most information, including when she dies and how she's killed:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that on October 22, 2009, sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, huddled together with my colleagues for warmth, my life would be changed forever. I had no idea that every Tag after that day, image of a halo of blood, an arc of red hair strewn about, around the freckled face of someone I had long regarded as almost a sibling, would be the first thing I saw every morning after I woke up, and the last I saw every night before I went to sleep. I had no idea, that for the rest of my life after that day, for the rest of my life, the sound of a single shot would ring in my head. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to lose a sister.
2. This one is a happy middle ground, it hints at the fact that someone dies but doesn't say who:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that after that fateful Tuesday evening, a series of Bilder would flash in front of my eyes every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep: a drying pool of blood, a halo of tousled hair partially obstructing a pale and Frozen face, a look of anger and terror forever captured in dark, lifeless eyes. I had no idea that sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, my life would be changed forever with a single sound, a loud pop. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to cry until Du had no tears left.
3. This one gives away almost no information:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill that my life would be changed forever in a single instant, sitting against the shelves in the walk-in refrigerator, a loud sound echoing through the store. I had no idea that something Du heard only for a second, could ring in your ears for weeks. I had no idea what it was like to lose what mattered the most.
If there are certain elements, stylistic oder otherwise that Du really like in a particular one, but Du don't think that one as a whole is the best, let me know. I'm flexible. I'm open to making changes
If Du want Mehr background about what the story's about, it's on link, fifth Kommentar down
link
1. This one gives away the most information, including when she dies and how she's killed:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that on October 22, 2009, sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, huddled together with my colleagues for warmth, my life would be changed forever. I had no idea that every Tag after that day, image of a halo of blood, an arc of red hair strewn about, around the freckled face of someone I had long regarded as almost a sibling, would be the first thing I saw every morning after I woke up, and the last I saw every night before I went to sleep. I had no idea, that for the rest of my life after that day, for the rest of my life, the sound of a single shot would ring in my head. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to lose a sister.
2. This one is a happy middle ground, it hints at the fact that someone dies but doesn't say who:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill, that after that fateful Tuesday evening, a series of Bilder would flash in front of my eyes every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep: a drying pool of blood, a halo of tousled hair partially obstructing a pale and Frozen face, a look of anger and terror forever captured in dark, lifeless eyes. I had no idea that sitting there in the walk-in refrigerator, my life would be changed forever with a single sound, a loud pop. I had no idea that I would learn what it felt like to cry until Du had no tears left.
3. This one gives away almost no information:
I had no idea when I started at Skip’s Burger Grill that my life would be changed forever in a single instant, sitting against the shelves in the walk-in refrigerator, a loud sound echoing through the store. I had no idea that something Du heard only for a second, could ring in your ears for weeks. I had no idea what it was like to lose what mattered the most.
If there are certain elements, stylistic oder otherwise that Du really like in a particular one, but Du don't think that one as a whole is the best, let me know. I'm flexible. I'm open to making changes
If Du want Mehr background about what the story's about, it's on link, fifth Kommentar down
link
Hey, so this is a poem Ive been thinking of for a long time,please read and comment!
The Spirit
The spirit rushes on,
Swifter than the wind,
To find answers,
To seek the way.
The spirit flows on,
Like the river.
Flowing on to find the ocean,
A Home for all its dreams.
The spirit shines on,
Brighter than a thousand suns.
Shining on to clear the darkness,
To find the path.
The spirit lives on,
Mehr eternal than the sea,
Living on to find its home,
Where all the ends shall meet.
The Spirit
The spirit rushes on,
Swifter than the wind,
To find answers,
To seek the way.
The spirit flows on,
Like the river.
Flowing on to find the ocean,
A Home for all its dreams.
The spirit shines on,
Brighter than a thousand suns.
Shining on to clear the darkness,
To find the path.
The spirit lives on,
Mehr eternal than the sea,
Living on to find its home,
Where all the ends shall meet.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right."
I can still remember the disappointment in those hazel eyes the moment I told him I was leaving. I couldn't stay - I had no choice. I still can't decide whether it hurt Mehr to leave him, oder to know I had been the one who caused the pain. What was I supposed to do? This child needed guidance and protection now Mehr than ever, and I couldn't help him. For so long I had been the one to console him - make him feel safe, sicher - and it was coming to an end. It was... the rule.
"I need to go away, Alex. It's what imaginary Friends do....
Forever
Forever Du are mine
Forever I’ll be here
Forever is what Du promised
Your herz is worth nothing
But the your soul is priceless
Forever can be a long time
Forever can be a long time cut short
It’s worth the suffering
It’s worth the sacrifice
To forever be yours
Forever protected Von your eagle like wings
Forever loved Von your ocean wide heart
Forever safe, sicher in your warm embrace
Forever is worth the wait
To be sliced thin
To stuffed thick
Forever is Forever
Forever is Eternity
Forever is a risk
Forever is a chance
Forever is worth the wait
Forever Du are mine
Forever I’ll be here
Forever is what Du promised
Your herz is worth nothing
But the your soul is priceless
Forever can be a long time
Forever can be a long time cut short
It’s worth the suffering
It’s worth the sacrifice
To forever be yours
Forever protected Von your eagle like wings
Forever loved Von your ocean wide heart
Forever safe, sicher in your warm embrace
Forever is worth the wait
To be sliced thin
To stuffed thick
Forever is Forever
Forever is Eternity
Forever is a risk
Forever is a chance
Forever is worth the wait
preface
if the one person Du told the truth to all the time was now the one person Du have to keep it away from, would you?
would Du be able to lie through your teeth and pray that he believes you? what if he was the one person Du told everything to, he was the one who keeps Du from falling apart, but if Du told him anything he might be the one to bring Du tummbling down.
if Du had to chose between lieing to him, hurting him, and keeping him away from you, what would Du chose? because if Du dont chose right, he may very well die.
if the one person Du told the truth to all the time was now the one person Du have to keep it away from, would you?
would Du be able to lie through your teeth and pray that he believes you? what if he was the one person Du told everything to, he was the one who keeps Du from falling apart, but if Du told him anything he might be the one to bring Du tummbling down.
if Du had to chose between lieing to him, hurting him, and keeping him away from you, what would Du chose? because if Du dont chose right, he may very well die.
I am bored with love
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two Von fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Liebe to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the Rosen are dying
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two Von fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Liebe to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the Rosen are dying
love bites
A Jahr Vor in my calculation,
A Jahr ago, there were situations.
The same song played now and then,
In my memory, it had begun.
Tears from my eyes were shed this morning,
It was the most tears I was shedding.
My world isn’t complete without you,
My world and I don’t know what to do.
Liebe isn’t a toy and never was.
Liebe is what Du cherish and keep as treasure.
My mind is at many topics at random,
It goes normal when you’re in my kingdom.
What ends my bad situations with people
Is my focus on you, my angel.
You’ll always be a part of me,
You’ll always be in my memory.
A Jahr ago, there were situations.
The same song played now and then,
In my memory, it had begun.
Tears from my eyes were shed this morning,
It was the most tears I was shedding.
My world isn’t complete without you,
My world and I don’t know what to do.
Liebe isn’t a toy and never was.
Liebe is what Du cherish and keep as treasure.
My mind is at many topics at random,
It goes normal when you’re in my kingdom.
What ends my bad situations with people
Is my focus on you, my angel.
You’ll always be a part of me,
You’ll always be in my memory.
