"I think it's working," Carissa smiled at me. I sat between her and Rigby on the bench. Already, I felt great. My herz was racing, and I almost couldn't sit still. After a few moments though, my eyes started to hurt. "They're just dilating," Carissa told me. "Here." She took off her sunglasses and handed them to me. I noticed her eyes seemed sunken in, and there were gray circles underneath her eyes. She blew her cigarette smoke in my direction.
"Thanks," I sagte energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan sagte on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa sagte calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I sagte quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to Du free for a week," Rigby said. "But Weiter week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The glocke rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. Du look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I moped around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel Mehr empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed Du at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I sagte quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice sagte behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her Frage made my herz lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been gegeben earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned Von her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. Du seem to be... Du haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I sagte quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are Du sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad Du made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my schreibtisch drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
"Thanks," I sagte energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan sagte on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa sagte calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I sagte quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to Du free for a week," Rigby said. "But Weiter week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The glocke rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. Du look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I moped around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel Mehr empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed Du at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I sagte quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice sagte behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her Frage made my herz lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been gegeben earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned Von her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. Du seem to be... Du haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I sagte quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are Du sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad Du made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my schreibtisch drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
Du hurt me,
Both externally,
And internally,
Du twist a pin into my heart,
And gather my flowing blood onto a cart.
Du think Du can hurt me,
Just because Du gave me money,
Du think Du can make my life like hell,
Just because I am the one who made Du fell.
I wish Du have never gegeben birth to me,
I wish I can expose what Du are for all to see.
I hate you,
And I hate Du to the heart's core,
I want Du to hear my vengeful call.
I respect Du because I must,
Yet Du blame me for not giving Du my trust.
How can I love, oder trust, a person like you?
Who makes me feel I'm feebler than cotton wool?
I am forever imprisoned to Du Von blood,
For as long as I live,
The relation between us cannot be cut,
But soon I will take my leave,
Hoping that forever Du will grieve
Both externally,
And internally,
Du twist a pin into my heart,
And gather my flowing blood onto a cart.
Du think Du can hurt me,
Just because Du gave me money,
Du think Du can make my life like hell,
Just because I am the one who made Du fell.
I wish Du have never gegeben birth to me,
I wish I can expose what Du are for all to see.
I hate you,
And I hate Du to the heart's core,
I want Du to hear my vengeful call.
I respect Du because I must,
Yet Du blame me for not giving Du my trust.
How can I love, oder trust, a person like you?
Who makes me feel I'm feebler than cotton wool?
I am forever imprisoned to Du Von blood,
For as long as I live,
The relation between us cannot be cut,
But soon I will take my leave,
Hoping that forever Du will grieve
When Du think Du think your in love. Its just a trick. When Du feel like your falling Du are. Your fallin down and down intill Du fall on spikes. The spikes peirce every part of your body but most of all they hit your heart. Thats why Du fell like your bleeding from the inside to the outside. Thats why it hurts so badly.
Liebe can be a trick. But sometime it can be real. It takes a long time to see if it is. During that time your in danger of falling on spikes. BUt if it is real, then, when Du fall, your falling into a heaven on earth. When Du fall with the one your supposed to be with then your arent in danger with the spikes anymore.
Tell me what this artical makes Du feel. If Du think Im right, oder if im wrong, im curios to what Du think. Thankyou!
Liebe can be a trick. But sometime it can be real. It takes a long time to see if it is. During that time your in danger of falling on spikes. BUt if it is real, then, when Du fall, your falling into a heaven on earth. When Du fall with the one your supposed to be with then your arent in danger with the spikes anymore.
Tell me what this artical makes Du feel. If Du think Im right, oder if im wrong, im curios to what Du think. Thankyou!
How did this happen, nothings write like a plane not taking flight? It’s wrong like a song with no end. oder a paper but no pen. Were this is coming from I cannot explain. Maybe its ur pointless silly games. Like in hide and go seek am I not aloud to peek. Du were wrong and so was I. Are arguments are now in the sky. There done. No redo's oder undo's to bring it back. There finished almost deminished.But Du bring them back. Back again to haunt me. To taunt me into your little game. But it wont work. Du wont get me. Not this time.Cuz my life Is mine.