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please tell me what Du think its a story i just want critiqued. just Guter Rat on how to improve it
We sat there, tears falling from our eyes. We, being me and my twin sister Friday. My name is Maxi. Izzy the oldest of our younger siblings just sat. Kate slept with the others. And Sammi gripped her rag doll tighter. This was probably because our parents had died earlier that night.
We had been coming back from the movies, driving through the bushy area near our mansion house. Then we had been run off the road Von a lunatic drunk. The crash had been loud. So loud Du could barely hear yourself think. Mind you, god never closes a door without opening a window… so Du can climb out. The window. We were mostly unharmed. I had been unconscious until Friday shook me awake. We unbuckled everyone else and clambered out of the car. It had been that moment which we realized that our parents were dead.
As i watched a tear hit the picture frame that Friday was holding. Mehr and Mehr came until they were gushing out of her eyes. I pulled her into a hug and soon Izzy was crying. I pulled her onto my lap and we sat there, Friday, Izzy and me, huddled and crying until we all fell asleep.
I woke up half way through the night, from a dream that had involved an unhealthy amount of snakes, and saw without surprise that the cat had come in and was now asleep on oben, nach oben of my baby brother Erik. Carefully I eased out from under Izzy's tired form and crept over to the bett where Kate Sammi and Erik had all fallen asleep. I lifted the cat off Erik and left the room as quietly as possible. I creaked down two flights of stairs into the küche where the light was still on. I pulled open the fridge door and looked around to see if there was any food. As I was easing the door closed with a saft box in one hand and an apfel, apple in the other I heard a voice from behind me.
"Hi Max." Friday's voice was dry from crying and her face was blotchy but it wasn't hard to tell it was her.
"Hey," I said, "How are Du doing?"
"Okay-ish, you?"
"I don’t know," I replied. In truth I was incre
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