I have to get us out, away from Forks. The memory of Jacob is still here, hurting me to the core. His funeral was short, sad, and a memory I will try so hard to forget.

I stood Von the ditch, dug in the reservation grave yard, clutching the tiny little baby in my arms. Jake's coffin was unusually big because he died in wolf form. His broken body a reminder of his death. There was no way to cover up the scars, no way to hide his tragic death. His warm body looked so unusually cold.

The whole time, Micha's green eyes gazed up at me, his warm ruddy skin presses against my chest. He looks so much like Jacob, it moves me to tears. I Liebe him so much that I would rather die than see him go like his dad.

I glance at the wiege Weiter to our bed. His tiny little chest is barely moving up and down. He needs to be a way from all this pain, somewhere that we have never been. America seems too familiar, almost like no matter what state your in, it all seems the same.

We could go to Europe, not that we could afford that, and being close to the Volturi would sting. But I need to get away from this hell hole.

Little tears form at the corner of my eyes, as I begin to loose my self. Any memory of him is just too hard to bare. I can almost feel him sitting Weiter to me.

I can't eat anymore, not with the pain that seeps through me. Every bit I take in is for the benefit of my son. He needs energy, and I am supposed to provide it. Just thinking of Essen makes me want to churn.

Little cries escape his lips, and I know that he is awake. I reach in to the krippe and scoop him up into my arms. He stops crying instantly. I almost feel like he knows that Jake is dead, like he understands my misery, oder that something is missing.

"You need a daddy." I whisper as I rock him back and forth. His little green eyes still piercing through my soul.

"How do Du do that," I whisper, "how, my sweet little boy?" He still stares at me. It is hard to look away.

I smile at him and he seems to accept this as recovery. He closes his eyes and sleeps again. It's like he is making sure I am okay, and when I am okay again, he is content.

I place him back in the wiege and continue my thoughts of moving. We could got to Canada, but then I think of how Jake lived there for a while, and drop that idea. Maybe South America, but that's too warm. I would feel like he was present at all times.

Maybe we could go to Ireland. There is nothing that reflects Forks there. I feel a tiny bit of joy at my idea. But then I come back to, we can't afford it.

I glance at Micah again and suddenly feel so much urgency to get out, that it is hard to bear.

I get up off the bett and grab a big duffel bag from the closet and set it on the bed. Then I begin to pile my clothes in the bag. I add a few of Micha's things and close it shut. Weiter I grab a smaller bag and fill it with diapers ect.

I glance back at Micah and see that his eyes are open, and he is staring at me. I walk over to him, and lift him from the crib. I wiege him as I pack the last of our things.

Once I am finished I place him in his car sitz and load the bags into the back of the car.

I hop in the car and pull out of the drive way.

Just as we begin down the road, my phone starts ringing. I pick it up and see that it is my dad.

"Hey Dad." I answer the phone as I drive.

"Nessie, we were just calling to check up on Du and Micah. Are Du okay?" He sounds worried and sad for me. I would feel the same in his shoes, but the sympathy makes it worse.

"Were leaving. I can't take being here anymore. It is too hard." I speed up a little as I speak.

"Nessie, I know that your grieving, but are Du sure Du need to leave town?" I can tell that the rest of them are listening.

"Yes, Dad. I can't take it. It gets hard to breathe sometimes." I feel my self choking up at my words.

I reach up and wipe my eyes. It is a good thing were alone and not with them in person because I don't think I could keep my self together.

"I can't handle this constant misery," I continue. "It is literally killing me."

"Let us pay for your trip." He finally says after a long pause.

"No, Dad, I can't take money from you. Du know how I feel about that." I pull out of the reservation and onto the main high way.

"Let it be your early birthday present. It is hard not sit back and not help Du at all." He is earnest for sure, and I almost consider it but the idea still sickens me.

"Thanks, but no. I have the money to pay for a hotel room and food. We'll be fine, and I'll call in to let Du know whats going on.

I wait for his response and finally hear a sigh, which counts as a response for me.

"I Liebe Du Dad." I say softly.

"Love Du too, Nessie." He hangs up the phone, but I listen to the dial tone for sometime.


~Later~

We made it to Gresham, Oregon. It is right on the border, but it is still away from Washington.

The town isn't too big, but still larger that Forks. Which makes it a perfect place for a single mom and her baby.

Some of the people looked at us in wonder. Like they hadn't seen people like us before. It was weird, even though I am not a vampire anymore, my skin is still pale white. It is almost like I still look the same but don't drink, blood, anymore. thinking about it still grosses me out. I got that from my mom.

"Hello Miss, how can I help you." I hate how she says Miss. Can Du not see the ring on my finger lady?

"It's Mrs." I clarify.

"Oh I'm sorry. What can I do for you?" She is a little too pleasant for my taste.

"I need a room for one please." I notice her glance at Micah.

"Have Du and your husband separated?" She smiles sympathetically.

"No, he was killed." I look down at my shoes after I speak.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Anyways, can we get a room?" She suddenly jerks up as if she was in a trance oder something.

"Ah, yes. We have two available. One on the Sekunde floor, and one on the fourth. Though the one on the fourth will be taken tomorrow."

"We'll take the Sekunde floor please." I pull out my credit card as she speaks.

"That will be 129 dollars." I hand her my card and watch her slide it through the machine.

She hands it back to me, along with a key, and map of Gresham.

"Enjoy your stay." She calls after me. With the duffel on one arm and Micah on my other, we head to our room.

It will be nice to sleep after the long drive, and maybe get over my nightmares.