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 The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy Animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. Du can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, Du know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and Du hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Vampire do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole klatschen, smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all Du Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Vampire on Buffy.

The wolf Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer Animation of the Wölfe (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the wolf clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So Du can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. Du Team Jacob fans, I now consider Du semi-sane because Du recognized a HEALTHY relationship. Requisiten to Du guys.


Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely Von her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her Friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even Mehr with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole Jahr older than your 107 Jahr old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to Liebe Du anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those Fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected Von any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in Liebe with Du throws Du into a glass tabelle for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons Du in the forest. A car ride Home would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass tabelle for her protection? That was totally safe. Du know, because she was bleeding even Mehr profusely after the tabelle than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started Wird angezeigt up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to Du like that Du can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I Liebe you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, oder whenever anyone sagte Bella was Schauspielen crazy. If anyone spoke reason oder a plot point appeared, it did not Zeigen again.

Lupin's wolf Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer Animation department because those Wölfe were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad Animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even Mehr laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want Du to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If Du don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face schlagen, punsch high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.


Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. Du Team Jacobers, Du got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless Du want a really good laugh then Von all means do. Oh and one Mehr thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
 No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this KISS is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
 Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
posted by teamjane99
WARNING: coarse language

MAYA CHAPTER ONE: MOVING
THE PLANE TRIP WAS SLOW AS hell. It took over half Stunde of nonstop boring conversations with my mother and father, and then another two and a half hours of absolute silence between the three of us. I guessed that it was then, after that half hour, that they realized that I was furious with them for dragging me all the way from sunny New Mexico to dreary La Push, Forks, Washington – a city that I didn’t even know existed. Mom sagte that it was so I could connect to our old roots, since her and my father both were born there but, truthfully,...
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posted by 2468244
Ah, ah, ah ,ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

I seek Du out
Flay Du alive
One Mehr word and Du won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through Du any hour

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for Du to gain

I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace

I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for Du to gain

Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace

Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
The Stunde has begun
Your eyes have now opened

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Liebe always

Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Liebe always

It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my Liebe always

It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for Du Liebe always
posted by 2468244
When the thorn busch turns white that’s when I’ll come home
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back Home with me

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As Du watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long

Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there

In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear Du calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come Home how will I ever leave
posted by karlygirl26
Hey guys, my name is Karly and I've decided to write my own Fan fiction. Okay, imagine Edward never came back because Alice never told Roslie anything, so Edward never assumed Bella died. And now it's just Jacob and Bella. Here's the start of my story- lengthy Von the way- and let me know what Du think oder any ideas Du have that Du would like me to add in. I appriciate all thoughts negative oder positive. :) Thanks. :)

*Full Moon*

The piercing shrill of my alarm clock woke me up out of my deep sleep. I threw my arm at it hitting the buttons, hoping it was snooze. I sat up slowly and rubbed...
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Breaking Dawn may have been a smash hit with Twihards all over the world, but the Golden himbeere foundation was impressed for a different reason.

They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little Mehr fun.

Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, oder Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple

Do Du think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?
Breaking Dawn may have been a smash hit with Twihards all over the world, but the Golden himbeere foundation was impressed for a different reason.

They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little Mehr fun.

Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, oder Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple

Do Du think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?
posted by marvel517639
K so i was thinking that it's 13 years later and all the Wölfe have imprinted except for seth. Jake and Nessie. Quil and Clarie. Sam and Emily and have one boy Alex Uley. Paul and Rachel. My friend Karen is a Shapeshifter Werewolf Eri Raeka and Brady. My friend sharon a hybrid and Collin. Jared and Kim. Leah and nahuel. My friend Natalia a hybrid and embry. Edward and Bella. Emmett and Rosalie. Alice and Jasper. Esme and Carlisle.Lydia is a vampire Hope Collins and micheal a human. They live in fork washington still. Nessie, natalia, Sharon, Eri, Clarie. Lydia and micheal are in their last...
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posted by twilight_lover9
I was so confused, a million Fragen were racing through my mind.
“Lirah. Come out, I know you’re there” Jake sagte abruptly.
I was shocked, I had not made a sound and was so quiet, but to save Jake from being mad at me I stepped out into view, to reveal Jake to my surprise smiling, and Paul a bright rosa looking down.
“Come on you, late on your first day, don’t want to make a name for yourself unlike me” Jake winked, putting his big muscly tanned arm around my shoulder leading me towards the school.
“You have a lot of explaining to do Jake” I whispered seriously.
Jake just nodded...
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posted by iluvPrinceMJ213
Authors Note

1.    This story is about Jacob and Bella’s daughter
2.    If Bella and Jacob had ended up together after Eclipse
3.    The whole Cullen family and everyone who was in the story is still in the story except for Reneesme of course
4.    I am not a team Jacob, Trust me I’m Team Edward, but I don’t have anything against Jacob
5.    Jacob and Bella’s daughter is born December 6th, 2010
6.    Her name is Lauren Savannah Black
7.    She has a older...
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posted by WildCherryWolf
"Er, Edward?"
"No, Jacob?"
"Can, can Du answer this for me?"
"No."
"Aw, but we're buddies!!!"
"I don't like you, Jacob."
"But we're amigos!! oder in your case, amigas!!"
"Since when did I become female?"
"Since Du started glittering in the sun."
"Lets not mention your genetic glitch, Fido."
"Touché."
"Seriously dude, I need Du to answer this."
"I thought Hunde couldn't talk."
"Aren't Elfen all female?"
"Bella likes sparkling men."
"I can't believe Du sagte that."
"Leave me alone."
"You called yourself SPARKLY!!"
"Get out."
"Okay, no need for a breakdown, drama queen."
"I am not a drama queen."
"I'm not a St....
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posted by ISABELLA92
Jasper’s POV
“Hello.” I sagte gruffly.
“Where are you?” my mother barked.
“At Alice’s.” I said.
“I told Du to be Home Von ten and it’s ten and you’re not here.” My mother yelled.
“I forgot. Can’t I spend a little Mehr time with Alice?” I asked.
“No, Du have school tomorrow.” My mother hissed.
“I’m on my way.” I sagte defeated and disappointed. I hung up and turned to see Alice’s angelic face.
“You have to go home.” She said.
“Yea, Mom beckoned me home. She says we have school tomorrow.” I said.
“Okay. See Du tomorrow, Jazzie.” Alice sagte before planting...
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Edward's POV.

Post New Moon. Edward finally caves in to check up on Bella in forks after 3 years of being separated, only the find something opposite. [I haven't written in a while, so I apologise in advance]

Name: New Beginnings.
Author: KatiiCullen93
Rating: PG-13
Themes: Love, marriage, pregnancy, vampire,
Couplings: Jacob/Bella, Edward/Bella



Edwards POV

Three years almost seems like three days in this small town. Driving in, I instantly came to the realization that everything was the same as the time as I left. I'm not sure exactly what I expected but Forks was the same.

The sky was clouded overcast,...
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posted by BuffyFaithFan1
ONCE SECRET, TWICE TOLD
[A New Story From the Autor of HELLO, MY NAME IS: DEATH Series - BuffyFaithfan1]
________________________________
Chapter Two: On Dry Land
LATER THAT NIGHT...
Jessika lay in her bett and she was watching the season premiere of RINGER featuring Sarah Michelle Gellar when, just as it cut to commercial, a knock came to her door.
"Yes?" Jessika asked and her mom stepped into the room.
"Jess. Listen," She began and Jessika paused the TV with her DVR remote. "I know this is hard. But please, please, just go with this for us?"
Jessika sighed. She knew her mom looked out for her...
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posted by KatiiCullen94
It was almost as if were dreaming, but yet I could feel every sensation around me, the aroma of life was real in this place.
I could detect the smells of salts from the strand and the moist wood from the surrounding forest.
Seeking for the skies I was saw a clouded heaven, pregnant with rain and misery, water in the air.
It was the final breathe of the world.
It was La Push.

"No, Samuel! That's not fair ',I got you!" I heard a little girl sequel from my left side. Despite her volume, her voice was still dearly soft and innocent as if nothing had ever corrupted her immaculate fantasy.
I turned to...
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posted by flynnismine
All right guys, as Du all have probably noticed my last chapter was a bit of a dozer, but don't worry my Weiter chapter will be right. And just incase that Du have not figured it out yet. Most was the chapter is correct except for the bit about going into the car. That bit will be coming up in the Weiter chapter. Also don't be afraid to give me any Guter Rat on how I can make my Schreiben Better any critasim is welcome.

On another note this whole story will only be glocke as ok and I will be doing other stories that will be like this one but indifferent povs



SOS



Liebe flynnismine
Chapter 5:
Honey POV:

I woke snuggled into Alec’s chest.
“Morning.” He sagte with a smile.
“Morning.” I replied sleepy, I stretched before getting out of bed. I heard Alec gasp, I turned round face him, his eyes were wide as he looked me up and down. I looked down, I realised I was wearing a pair of my new sexy night outfits.
“I take it from your expression that Du like.” I laughed.
“When did Du get that?” He asked, still looking me up and down.
“Yesterday, when I went shopping.” I jogged his memory.
“Oh.” Was all he said. I walked into the bathroom. I got changed into...
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Chapter 3:
Alec POV.

I walked slowly towards her, something in me went up in fireworks, I couldn’t keep my eyes of her. Her hair tied up in a bun messy, her face, soft calm, her eyes were focused on mine. I was one step away from her. I stopped, it was then I realised I had fell in Liebe with this beautiful young tourist.
“What’s your name?” I asked desperate to learn everything about her.
“Honey Matthews.” She answered.
“Follow me Honey.” I told her, she followed willingly. We walked towards the main room, I realised it was dark, I heard Honey herz rate go up again. I stopped...
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posted by WildCherryWolf
Looking Nessie in the face at the airport was harder than a challenge I went through as a wolf.
"Promise Du won't forget me?" My voice was kind of shallow and.... I couldn't describe it.
"Never." The defiance in her voice was comforting.
"Even though you'll be in France." France. Bloody miles away.
"Jake, don't do this to me. Rosalie did my make up, and I like it. And anyway, I'll only be away for a few weeks. It'll go very quick." if I continue building the house, then yes. Bt that s unlikely.
"I'll miss you."
"Me too."
I roped an arm round Nessie for a last hug. Then, with her eyes misted over, she left. I walked out to the Rabbit, and all the way I felt like she had taken half my herz with her. Renesmee, come back, I silently wished as I started up the old Rabbit. I knew that, for 3 weeks, she would drip into my mind like a leaky faucet. Splash, splash, sploosh. Renesmee, Renesmee, Nessie.
posted by flynnismine
My phone was ringing as I parked my car into my parking Weltraum at Home and got out. I answered it, as I walked up to my front door, grabbed my key from my school bag, unlocked the door, walked inside, up the stairs and into my room, locking the door.

Hey, Alice, I sagte not very excited

Hi, Bella, she sagte in her excited squeal. My birthday party is on tonight. You're coming aren't you

But, Alice, I groaned. Du know that I don't have anything to wear.

Don't Du even think about using that lame, old excuse on me. Du are coming to this party if Du like it all not, she all but growled at me

Yeah,...
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