Bella is driving her brand new bullet/tank/bomb/vampire proof car.
Bella: OMC, like everyone is staring at me cuz I’m getting married! The shame, the shame!
Zufällig Guys: Sweet car. Can we get a picture with it?
Bella (because this is in no way awkward at all): Sure
Bella, Edward, and Charlie sit in the schwan living room.
Bella and Edward: Charlie, we have something to tell you!
Charlie (gasps): You’re pregnant.
Bella: Of course not, silly! That comes later on in the book.
Edward (hands wedding invitation): We’re getting married whether Du like it oder not!
Charlie (jumping up and down like a little kid): Du get to tell Renee! Du get to tell Renee!
Bella: Hi, Mom. I was just calling to tell that I’m marrying Edward.
Renee: That is so exciting, sweetie. I’m just randomly going to change my callous view toward young marriages and suddenly be thrilled that my daughter is getting hitched right out of high school! Congratulations!
Bella: Thanks, Mommy! I knew you’d understand!
-end of Flashbacks-
Charlie: Ouch, Alice! OMC THE BLOOD!
Bella: OMC! Alice, did Du just bite Charlie? Now I’m gonna have a vamp father!
Alice: Sorry about that, Charlie. (pulls pin out of Charlie’s side) Bella!! You’re next!
Bella: No! Don’t poke me with pins, too!
Alice: Bella, go to your happy place.
Bella closes her eyes and goes to her happy place, which happens to be on her honeymoon, and I’m gonna stop before this gets graphic.
-Night Before the Wedding-
Bella: I lurve Du Edward!
Edward: I lurve Du more!
Bella: No, I do!
Edward: No, I do!
Emmett: Get your little vampire butt out here so Du can go to your bachelor party.
Jasper: Don’t worry, Bella, we aren’t taking him to a strip club oder anything (laughs evilly.) (SURE YOU’RE NOT)
Bella falls asleep and has Zufällig dreams about demon vamp babies.
Alice: Hurry, Bella! We have to get Du ready! We only have ten hours until the wedding!!
Alice straps Bella down and applies countless coats of makeup.
Rosalie: I just decided to randomly be nice! Bella, can I do your hair?
Bella: Sure! Your now my Favorit sister!
Renee and Esme Zeigen up (now best friends) and give Bella Zufällig gifts and blah blah blah.
Charlie: Bells, we’re up to bat.
Bella and Charlie walk down the steps (Bella manages not trip a single time –gasp- sign of the apocalypse!) Bella and Edward exchange their vows and then KISS (for quite awhile)
-At the reception-
Bella: Yay! I’m glad the Werwölfe came, but where is my Jacob?
Edward: Hey, I thought Du loved me.
Bella: But I Liebe Jacob, too. Remember the complicated Liebe dreieck the Autor has been creating during these past few books?
Edward: Ohh, yeaaahh!
Jacob: (suddenly appears)
Bella: OMC! You’re here!
Bella and Jacob dance for like ten songs.
Bella: Guess what, Jake? When Edward and I go on our honeymoon (and I will still be human BTW), we’re gonna have sex!
Other werewolf dudes drag him away before he can make a scene.
-Later that night-
Edward and Bella get on a plane. They fly Houston.
Bella: OMC! We’re honeymooning in Texas! Sweet!
Edward: Nope! Just a stop!
They go on another plane and then a boot ride and end up at some Zufällig island.
Bella: Cool, we’re honeymooning at some Zufällig nameless island in the middle of nowhere!
Edward: It’s not nameless. It’s called Isle Esme! Carlisle gave it to Esme as a present.
Bella: OMC! Carlisle bought Esme an island? (mumbles something about crazy rich vamps)
Edward: Let’s go skinny dipping! (runs off toward ocean)
Bella: Yay! Wait, doesn’t skinny dipping mean swimming completely naked? Oh well (run off toward ocean)
Bella and Edward are skinny dipping and doing what honeymooners do best
Edward: I’m a terrible person!
Bella (wakes up): Why…wait. Why am I covered in feathers?
Edward: Oh, I bit a kissen oder two.
Bella: Um, why?
Edward: Because they taste yumm—I mean, so I didn’t accidentally hurt you.
Bella: Too late for that! Look at these terrible bruises!
Edward and Bella argue for a good ten Mehr pages.
Edward: I’ll go make Du breakfast!
Bella: Make it big! I’m STARVING!
Over the Weiter few days, Bella and Edward scuba dive, swim with dolphins, rock climb, etc. Bella is exhausted and eats all the food. Then she has funny vamp dreams.
Edward: What is it?
Bella: My period is five days late and my stomach has a slight but definite bump! I’m preggers!
Edward (gasp): But how? Don’t worry, Bella! Carlisle and I will get that thing out of you!
Bella: Oh he nudged me…wait! What did Du say??
Bella steals Edward’s phone and dials.
Emmett: Um, no, this is Emmett, but I’ll get Rose.
Rosalie: Um, ok…..
Bella: I’m preggers! But Edward wants to kill our demon vamp child! Du HAVE to help me!
TO BE CONTINUED...