Hey can Du guys help me out???

I have the first chapter of a new possible story but I want to see if anybody is going to read it...
And I was wondering can Du guys read it and tell me what Du think in a Kommentar oder email?
And I don't no the name yet so can Du guys help out with that to? Its not very long oder hard to read.Oh and I can give Du a link to it.

And there my other story mysterious Liebe on the spot lilred96's articles.