This chapter's from Ryker's point of view.
___________________________________________________________________________
I left school early. I did every Wednesday (which it was). I had business to do with someone, and they weren’t patient.
I walked home. Do that every day. Mostly ‘cause I don’t want anyone to see where I live.
It’s a pretty rough place. Gotta watch your back, oder you’re gonna get a bullet in it.
I walked into a short alleyway. I was in the rough parts now. I listened to make sure no one was there. When I didn’t hear anything, I walked down the alley and onto a narrow street. The tall, cracked buildings hid the sun from view.
I went into a different alley and up to one of the buildings, knocking on the door. It swung open, revealing a dirty girl with jet black hair and torn cargo pants. Her name was jasmin McEwen. Seventeen-year-old smoker, alcohol addict, and runaway. I give her cigarettes and whiskey, she gives me medicine.
“Got the whishkey?” she asked in a slurred voice. She wasn’t drunk. Jasmine’s voice is always slurred.
I held up two bottles of the stuff and a pack of cigarettes. “Right here.” I squinted at her.
“Got the medicine?”
She nodded and showed me a small white bottle. I nodded and handed her the bottles and the cigarettes. She snatched them from me, tossed the medicine bottle onto the ground in front of me, and slammed the door shut.
I picked up the bottle and put it in my pocket. It clicked against the lighter I kept with me, which made me realize I needed a cigarette. Bad habit I picked up from Jasmine. It makes me feel really calm, though, so I have to do it a lot.
I didn’t want to calm myself too much, though, ‘cause then I’d lower my guard. All the d*ckless cowards who live here’ll shoot Du without even presenting themselves. Du have to be listening for them.
I took three drags from the cigarette, just to calm my nerves a little, and headed for my sorry excuse for a home.
When I reached my house, I climbed in through my bedroom window so I wouldn’t have to see Him. That’s what I call the guy who claims to be my father. I can’t stand to call Him dad.
I heard the sheets rustle, then saw my sister’s pale face peering at me. Samantha, her name is. “Hi, Ryker,” she sagte in her thin, whispery voice.
I sat down on the bed. “Hi,” I said. “I brought Du your medicine.” I gave her a dose.
Sami lay back in the bed. “What happened at school today?” she asked.
I wracked my brain for something interesting to tell her. “Uh...there were two new kids. Tonia and Travis, I think their names were. They both have streaky blond hair and green eyes. Tonia seems pretty nice. Not sure about Travis; I haven’t talked to him. Lisa—I told Du about Lisa before, didn’t I?—seemed to like Tonia a lot. Tonia—”
“Would I like her?” Sami interrupted in her quiet voice.
“Tonia?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I bet Du would,” I said. “Maybe someday Du could see her. If I—when I—get enough money to get Du a wheelchair, Du could go wherever Du wanted.”
“I would like that,” Sami said.
I nodded. “Yeah. I think Du would. Du could go to school. And see Tonia, like I said.”
She nodded and smiled.
I gave her a half-smile back. “I need to go now,” I said.
Her smile faded. “Oh, couldn’t Du tell me more?”
I crouched Von the bed. “Sami, I’ll get Du a book when I get a chance. I could teach Du to read. And I could get Du a little flashlight so Du could see the words,” I continued, looking around the dim room. “You wouldn’t be as bored if I got some Bücher for you.”
“Could Du really get a book, Ryker? Without spending too much of our money?” she asked eagerly.
I tousled her hair. “Of course.”
She smiled and hugged me. “You can go now. You’ll come up at night though?”
“Course, Sami. I sleep here too.” I opened the door and walked out into the hall.
“Ryker? That you?” He called.
I froze. Maybe I could get outside before He saw me. If I ran…
I dashed for the door. A hand gripped my arm. I tried to twist away, but He’s strong.
“Stop it!” He yelled. I froze again.
“If I ask if it’s you, then I want Du to answer me!” He shouted. “Got it?”
I didn’t answer. He struck me across the face and pushed me into the wall. “Got it?”
I glanced up at my mother. She stood in the corner, her face pale, her hands slowly twisting her shirt: left, right, left, right. She never did anything, just stood and watched me take the beatings.
He struck me again, shoved me to the floor. His foot held me down. “Get me the broom,” He snapped at my mother.
She obeyed without a word, quietly handing Him the besen and then retreating back into the corner.
He drove the handle of the besen into my back. I didn’t move, just stared at my mother. He hit me again, then again. I felt something warm and sticky seeping into my shirt, but still I didn’t move. He beat me until my back was numb and my head was spinning, then spat in my face, tossed the besen at me, and left the room.
My mother followed Him, not even glancing at me.
I lay on the floor, not able to move. The room looked strange and blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again. Everything semi-focused.
I pulled myself to my feet and dragged myself over to a closet, where I hid myself: covering my body with old, mouse-eaten boxes and dirty rags. Everything looked red. I closed my eyes again and felt myself fall backwards.
I woke up still in the closet. A rag was on my face. I brushed it off.
Something nibbled my finger. I looked down. A mouse. It regarded me with its beady, black little eyes for a few minutes, its tail twitching.
I reached out a finger and touched its head. It froze for a moment, then ran off behind the water heater.
I stood up, the boxes and rags tumbling off of me and onto the floor. I brushed dust off of my clothes and out of my hair, then opened the door.
The digital clock in the küche nearly blinded me. The blue numbers on it are really bright and left an imprint on my eyes.
I squinted at them. 12:42. I needed to get to bed.
I climbed the stairs slowly and went into my room. Sami was in bed, like she always is. I could tell Von her breathing that she wasn’t asleep. Her large, haunted eyes peered up at me.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“Fell asleep downstairs,” I lied. I didn’t want her to know that I had been beaten.
She reached out her skeletal arms for a hug. I gave her one. She felt cold and frail.
I kicked off my shoes and slipped Weiter to her, into bed.
“Goodnight,” she murmured.
“G’night,” I answered, turning onto my side.
I woke up the Weiter morning and realized I had a headache. I groaned and clutched my head while squinting at the dusty, cobwebby clock in the corner. Twelve fifteen.
“Twelve?” I muttered incredulously, before remembering the clock didn’t work.
I poked my head out of the small window. It looked light enough to be about six in the morning.
I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and put my shoes on. I had slept in my clothes last night, so I decided I didn’t have to get dressed.
I walked back to school. I hate school. The only reason I go is because I hate it at His house even more, and I know Sami likes hearing about it.
I was hurrying up the steps when the glocke rang. I was late.
“Shit,” I sagte under my breath, heading into the office to get a tardy slip.
I think it’s stupid that they make Du get tardy slips. They just make Du even later for class.
After I got the slip, I went to math class. Ms. Jenkins, the teacher, looked up as I came in.
“You’re late,” she said.
I slapped the tardy slip on her schreibtisch and sat down in my seat.
Zoë, who sat in front of me, turned in her sitz and smiled. I tried to smile back at her, but of course I couldn’t. I never can.
I don’t know why. I can just never smile. Whenever I try to, it ends up a smirk oder only my mouth is smiling, not my eyes.
I stuck my hand in my pockets to make sure I still had everything. Two packs of cigarettes, (I need those for smoking and for trading with people. Sometimes the people where I live will kill Du if Du don’t give them what they want) a lighter, (for the cigarettes) and a handgun.
That last one is to protect myself. If I don’t have what those people want, then they’re gonna shoot me. I need to be the one who shoots first.
Luckily, it hasn’t come to that yet. I’m glad about that. I don’t really want to shoot anyone, but if I need to do that to survive, then I will.
But I don’t want to.
___________________________________________________________________________
I left school early. I did every Wednesday (which it was). I had business to do with someone, and they weren’t patient.
I walked home. Do that every day. Mostly ‘cause I don’t want anyone to see where I live.
It’s a pretty rough place. Gotta watch your back, oder you’re gonna get a bullet in it.
I walked into a short alleyway. I was in the rough parts now. I listened to make sure no one was there. When I didn’t hear anything, I walked down the alley and onto a narrow street. The tall, cracked buildings hid the sun from view.
I went into a different alley and up to one of the buildings, knocking on the door. It swung open, revealing a dirty girl with jet black hair and torn cargo pants. Her name was jasmin McEwen. Seventeen-year-old smoker, alcohol addict, and runaway. I give her cigarettes and whiskey, she gives me medicine.
“Got the whishkey?” she asked in a slurred voice. She wasn’t drunk. Jasmine’s voice is always slurred.
I held up two bottles of the stuff and a pack of cigarettes. “Right here.” I squinted at her.
“Got the medicine?”
She nodded and showed me a small white bottle. I nodded and handed her the bottles and the cigarettes. She snatched them from me, tossed the medicine bottle onto the ground in front of me, and slammed the door shut.
I picked up the bottle and put it in my pocket. It clicked against the lighter I kept with me, which made me realize I needed a cigarette. Bad habit I picked up from Jasmine. It makes me feel really calm, though, so I have to do it a lot.
I didn’t want to calm myself too much, though, ‘cause then I’d lower my guard. All the d*ckless cowards who live here’ll shoot Du without even presenting themselves. Du have to be listening for them.
I took three drags from the cigarette, just to calm my nerves a little, and headed for my sorry excuse for a home.
When I reached my house, I climbed in through my bedroom window so I wouldn’t have to see Him. That’s what I call the guy who claims to be my father. I can’t stand to call Him dad.
I heard the sheets rustle, then saw my sister’s pale face peering at me. Samantha, her name is. “Hi, Ryker,” she sagte in her thin, whispery voice.
I sat down on the bed. “Hi,” I said. “I brought Du your medicine.” I gave her a dose.
Sami lay back in the bed. “What happened at school today?” she asked.
I wracked my brain for something interesting to tell her. “Uh...there were two new kids. Tonia and Travis, I think their names were. They both have streaky blond hair and green eyes. Tonia seems pretty nice. Not sure about Travis; I haven’t talked to him. Lisa—I told Du about Lisa before, didn’t I?—seemed to like Tonia a lot. Tonia—”
“Would I like her?” Sami interrupted in her quiet voice.
“Tonia?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I bet Du would,” I said. “Maybe someday Du could see her. If I—when I—get enough money to get Du a wheelchair, Du could go wherever Du wanted.”
“I would like that,” Sami said.
I nodded. “Yeah. I think Du would. Du could go to school. And see Tonia, like I said.”
She nodded and smiled.
I gave her a half-smile back. “I need to go now,” I said.
Her smile faded. “Oh, couldn’t Du tell me more?”
I crouched Von the bed. “Sami, I’ll get Du a book when I get a chance. I could teach Du to read. And I could get Du a little flashlight so Du could see the words,” I continued, looking around the dim room. “You wouldn’t be as bored if I got some Bücher for you.”
“Could Du really get a book, Ryker? Without spending too much of our money?” she asked eagerly.
I tousled her hair. “Of course.”
She smiled and hugged me. “You can go now. You’ll come up at night though?”
“Course, Sami. I sleep here too.” I opened the door and walked out into the hall.
“Ryker? That you?” He called.
I froze. Maybe I could get outside before He saw me. If I ran…
I dashed for the door. A hand gripped my arm. I tried to twist away, but He’s strong.
“Stop it!” He yelled. I froze again.
“If I ask if it’s you, then I want Du to answer me!” He shouted. “Got it?”
I didn’t answer. He struck me across the face and pushed me into the wall. “Got it?”
I glanced up at my mother. She stood in the corner, her face pale, her hands slowly twisting her shirt: left, right, left, right. She never did anything, just stood and watched me take the beatings.
He struck me again, shoved me to the floor. His foot held me down. “Get me the broom,” He snapped at my mother.
She obeyed without a word, quietly handing Him the besen and then retreating back into the corner.
He drove the handle of the besen into my back. I didn’t move, just stared at my mother. He hit me again, then again. I felt something warm and sticky seeping into my shirt, but still I didn’t move. He beat me until my back was numb and my head was spinning, then spat in my face, tossed the besen at me, and left the room.
My mother followed Him, not even glancing at me.
I lay on the floor, not able to move. The room looked strange and blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again. Everything semi-focused.
I pulled myself to my feet and dragged myself over to a closet, where I hid myself: covering my body with old, mouse-eaten boxes and dirty rags. Everything looked red. I closed my eyes again and felt myself fall backwards.
I woke up still in the closet. A rag was on my face. I brushed it off.
Something nibbled my finger. I looked down. A mouse. It regarded me with its beady, black little eyes for a few minutes, its tail twitching.
I reached out a finger and touched its head. It froze for a moment, then ran off behind the water heater.
I stood up, the boxes and rags tumbling off of me and onto the floor. I brushed dust off of my clothes and out of my hair, then opened the door.
The digital clock in the küche nearly blinded me. The blue numbers on it are really bright and left an imprint on my eyes.
I squinted at them. 12:42. I needed to get to bed.
I climbed the stairs slowly and went into my room. Sami was in bed, like she always is. I could tell Von her breathing that she wasn’t asleep. Her large, haunted eyes peered up at me.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“Fell asleep downstairs,” I lied. I didn’t want her to know that I had been beaten.
She reached out her skeletal arms for a hug. I gave her one. She felt cold and frail.
I kicked off my shoes and slipped Weiter to her, into bed.
“Goodnight,” she murmured.
“G’night,” I answered, turning onto my side.
I woke up the Weiter morning and realized I had a headache. I groaned and clutched my head while squinting at the dusty, cobwebby clock in the corner. Twelve fifteen.
“Twelve?” I muttered incredulously, before remembering the clock didn’t work.
I poked my head out of the small window. It looked light enough to be about six in the morning.
I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and put my shoes on. I had slept in my clothes last night, so I decided I didn’t have to get dressed.
I walked back to school. I hate school. The only reason I go is because I hate it at His house even more, and I know Sami likes hearing about it.
I was hurrying up the steps when the glocke rang. I was late.
“Shit,” I sagte under my breath, heading into the office to get a tardy slip.
I think it’s stupid that they make Du get tardy slips. They just make Du even later for class.
After I got the slip, I went to math class. Ms. Jenkins, the teacher, looked up as I came in.
“You’re late,” she said.
I slapped the tardy slip on her schreibtisch and sat down in my seat.
Zoë, who sat in front of me, turned in her sitz and smiled. I tried to smile back at her, but of course I couldn’t. I never can.
I don’t know why. I can just never smile. Whenever I try to, it ends up a smirk oder only my mouth is smiling, not my eyes.
I stuck my hand in my pockets to make sure I still had everything. Two packs of cigarettes, (I need those for smoking and for trading with people. Sometimes the people where I live will kill Du if Du don’t give them what they want) a lighter, (for the cigarettes) and a handgun.
That last one is to protect myself. If I don’t have what those people want, then they’re gonna shoot me. I need to be the one who shoots first.
Luckily, it hasn’t come to that yet. I’m glad about that. I don’t really want to shoot anyone, but if I need to do that to survive, then I will.
But I don’t want to.
but now its over
and i am not going back
had my herz broken
had my dreams blown away
it only took Du a second
to rearrange my whole day
I use to know you
but now its over
and i see that now
Du blew me away
far from here
and i couldnt make it back
but i bet Du knew that
I use to know
someone like you
he was friendly
but i left him behind
in the rain
in the cold
where i couldnt see him
i hope you're different
it would help
if Du werent exactly like him
nice to know you
but i must go
and protect my soul
how nice of Du to stop by
but please go Home now
I use to know you
but now im long gone
and it feels great'
to leave that burden behind
i wont see Du again
i wont be there when Du fall
just know that i
wont pick Du up again
Book Cover
Thursday
Kyle is the worst boyfriend ever! The party ended with me in a coma. Apparently there was alcohol in my drink. I had an overdose and it almost killed me. Kyle swears he didn't do it. I want to believe him. I really want to. I know Kyle had done it because I know saw him poor something in there. At first I thought it was water oder something to make it sweeter. It wasn't water. I couldn't go to school today because they were pumping the alcohol out of my system oder something. I'm not entirely sure what happened. All I know is that for a couple if Minuten I was pronounced dead. My heartbeat soon started thumping again but I was in a coma. My parents were so worried. I thought for sure they would be dead from shock. Kyle is banned from coming near me. My dad implied that rule. My mom kept crying whenever she talked to me. All she could manage to get out of her mouth besides whimpers were muffled words. I don't think I'll be seeing Kyle for a while now.
Kyle is the worst boyfriend ever! The party ended with me in a coma. Apparently there was alcohol in my drink. I had an overdose and it almost killed me. Kyle swears he didn't do it. I want to believe him. I really want to. I know Kyle had done it because I know saw him poor something in there. At first I thought it was water oder something to make it sweeter. It wasn't water. I couldn't go to school today because they were pumping the alcohol out of my system oder something. I'm not entirely sure what happened. All I know is that for a couple if Minuten I was pronounced dead. My heartbeat soon started thumping again but I was in a coma. My parents were so worried. I thought for sure they would be dead from shock. Kyle is banned from coming near me. My dad implied that rule. My mom kept crying whenever she talked to me. All she could manage to get out of her mouth besides whimpers were muffled words. I don't think I'll be seeing Kyle for a while now.
What a change Such a dramatic change
Once I was small and ignored
Now I'm called when their bored
oder looking for a friend
To talk to till the end I use to be invisible
Now I feel invincible
They can't hurt me
Look at what I can be
This is new
Something almost true
That great feeling
Was somewhat appealing
But soon disappeared
Whenever I neared
Now I am small
No longer tall
Completely ignored
Always bored
It happened so fast Invisible in the past
Then became invincible
And immediately back to invisible
It changes everyday I don't know what to say
Maybe it won't stay the same
I'll be forever lame
Once I was small and ignored
Now I'm called when their bored
oder looking for a friend
To talk to till the end I use to be invisible
Now I feel invincible
They can't hurt me
Look at what I can be
This is new
Something almost true
That great feeling
Was somewhat appealing
But soon disappeared
Whenever I neared
Now I am small
No longer tall
Completely ignored
Always bored
It happened so fast Invisible in the past
Then became invincible
And immediately back to invisible
It changes everyday I don't know what to say
Maybe it won't stay the same
I'll be forever lame
Tuesday
The preps have got on my nerves for the last time. They decides to expose my crush on Kyle. How dare they? Who do they think they are? Their leader was like we all know that Laurie likes Kyle. U was all like please, I so don't. Then we got into this huge argument. Jennifer, L. J, and Tammie had my back though. Jennifer started trash talking their leader, Carly Louis, and they rest of her desperate followers. Kyle interjected and sagte that if I liked him then it wasn't any of their business. This is why I like the boy so much. After school when I was walking him from school, Kyle caught up with me. He told me that he thought those girls were cruel and should stay in their own business. I couldn't agree more. He whirled around suddenly and kissed me! I was utterly speechless. He started stuttering and then sprinted off in the other direction before I could say anything. Yep, that KISS was everything that I had imagined it would be but why do I feel like it was so wrong.
The preps have got on my nerves for the last time. They decides to expose my crush on Kyle. How dare they? Who do they think they are? Their leader was like we all know that Laurie likes Kyle. U was all like please, I so don't. Then we got into this huge argument. Jennifer, L. J, and Tammie had my back though. Jennifer started trash talking their leader, Carly Louis, and they rest of her desperate followers. Kyle interjected and sagte that if I liked him then it wasn't any of their business. This is why I like the boy so much. After school when I was walking him from school, Kyle caught up with me. He told me that he thought those girls were cruel and should stay in their own business. I couldn't agree more. He whirled around suddenly and kissed me! I was utterly speechless. He started stuttering and then sprinted off in the other direction before I could say anything. Yep, that KISS was everything that I had imagined it would be but why do I feel like it was so wrong.
