The crew of the Enterprise react to a "Lines Du wouldn't hear in star, sterne Trek" round on BBC 1's Mock the Week.
"NGDDHDTDGDHHCCHHCSHHOCHHH.....Scotty, that's the most convincing your accent has ever been," Frankie drawled, staring down the barrel of the camera.
The audience burst into laughter. Frankie started to Bewegen from the microphone, but his ears pricked at an odd noise. The audience started to mutter amongst themselves as the sound which resonated around the studio floor escalated, the panellists looking worridly at each other as the floor manager shouted to 'HOLD IT THERE, PLEASE'. Frankie caught Hugh's eye and shrugged, confused. Hugh looked dumbfounded. The noise reached a high pitch and three blue beams of light shot down and formed three figures in the centre of the studio, causing the audience to gasp.
Dressed in his red uniform, Scotty walked dead vorwärts-, nach vorn to Frankie and grabbed him Von the collar.
"Pegg?" Frankie squeaked before Scotty started to shout.
"Are Du calling me a bad Scotsman, laddie?" Scotty warned, tightening his grip. "With the way Du speak about Scotland? Lad, you're responsible for the great Scottish-English war of 2013, I don't know what kind of bollocks Du think you've got being able to insult me?"
Frankie was stunned for a moment. "I start a war?" Scotty viciously nodded with hate in his eyes. "That's really, really cool. Do a lot of people die? Do I become supreme ruler?"
Dara gaped as Kirk sauntered over, leaning on the schreibtisch and smiling broadly.
"Can I sit in your chair?" Kirk asked Dara, who was bewildered and slightly scared. "I really want to sit in it."
"Er, okay?" Dara offered, standing up.
Kirk jumped over the schreibtisch and into the chair. He sat happily before discovering the buzzer and slapping it, the 'ERR' noise being played around the confused studio.
"I have got to get one of these," Kirk smiled, bashing it some more.
Chekov slammed his hand into his face and turned around to face the performers, embarrassed.
"I have to apologise for my senior officers," Chekov said, wincing. "They are all big Fans of your show. I'm sorry for the way they act," Chekov rolled his eyes before muttering, "and they call me the hyperactive teenager."
Russell's ears pricked as he heard the word 'hyperactive'. With that and the obvious uniforms, he was already on the edge of a fanboy implosion. It was all he could do to not start jumping around.
"THEY DO?" Russell yelled. "I'm the hyperactive one! Do Du still have pixie sticks in the future? Do people still read Harry Potter?"
"You've read Harry Potter?" Chekov dropped his tricorder in glee. "No one has read Harry Potter! There are four Mehr sequels in the future! Sequels with Harry's kids!"
"NO WAY."
"DA WAY."
*
In the atmosphere, the Enterprise hung low in orbit, Sulu shovelling popcorn in his mouth as he watched the direct feed.
"This is... highly illogical," Spock muttered. "We do not know what damage we are doing to the timelines."
"Chill out," Sulu said, his feet up on his console as they watched a screaming Chekov jumping up and down with Russell, Kirk being wrenched off the buzzer Von Andy, Dara, Gina and Hugh, and Scotty and Frankie involved in a spontaneous pub-style brawl on the view screen with Frank cheering at the sidelines.
"I Liebe this show," Sulu grinned.
"Can we go somewhere else now?" asked Uhura, clapping happily as Scotty decked Frankie. Amusement fading slightly, she pinned her gaze on Spock. "..but if Captain Kirk gets a hold of that buzzer, the galaxy is screwed.."
