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Source: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/random/picks/results/888993/canned-bread-vs-justin-bieber
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Source: ilol
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Source: icanrelate
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open Von themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call Du Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until Du hear the penny Du dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
continue reading...
"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious Von now"

"Do what Du want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want Du to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, Du moron."

"You're...so manly "means" Du need a shave and Du sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all Du ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
continue reading...
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added by Ranty-cat
Source: Twitter
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added by DeiJambastion
Source: Dei
added by tanyya
posted by Nick16
Why did I get divorced????

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do Du mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 Minuten later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
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added by shaneoohmac13