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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If Du have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal Von conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what Du think."

7. Claim that Du must always wear a bicycle helm as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that Du are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bett holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say Du know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors Von your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as Du can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by energizerbunny
5. Avril Lavigne

Not a Fan but she's so skinny!! I've never been skinny in my whole life and will never be.

4. Sophia Bush

She's pretty. She has boobs & a butt, but is not big.

3. Kaya Scodelario

Again with the skinniness. I don't think skinny is all there is, but for someone like me who's never been skinny, it's seems nice! She also has a unique face and her eyes are gorgeous!

2. Katie Cassidy

This girl is just so GORGEOUS!! And looks so classy when she dresses up.

1. Megan Fox

Not a Fan but she has to be the DEFINITION of PERFECT! PERFECT face, PERFECT body, just PERFECT!!


Some people are just lucky I guess. <33
posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring Du riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: Du crave attention, Du absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, Du may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because Von being a retard online Du can get all the attention Du need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If Du want to be a retard Du must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by ultimatefredde
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something Du aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner oder later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what Du really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, oder take her to dinner, also sometimes a card oder a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, Du wont die...
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posted by Tamar20
Have Du ever wanted to annoy someone so bad that they want to kill you? Then this Artikel is right for you! Hahaha. Du know I've tried most of them and it does work. :P

1. Use potty humor. Announce to them that Du have to go to the bathroom, and that Du think that they should go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are Du doing okay in there?". To make it even Mehr annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This Liste was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My Favoriten are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round tabelle was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much Du push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do Du want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take Du out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call Du sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give Du a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why Du are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are Du going through now?

"I Liebe you, too." = Okay, I sagte it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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posted by fly210
I bet Du can't keep up with this oneshot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking down the road when I triped on a napkin. I know. a napkin right? but it was a wet napkin and for some reson my sidewalk is made of tial. so I slid on the napkin and bumped into the worst thing ever. Barney. Why barney was there I don't know. Barney started Singen so I shot him. But then cops came. But they giggled like little girls and shot barney them selfs. They then sagte they would give me a ride. but then I found out one of the cops was that like 12 Jahr old boy who drove the car in rebecca...
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posted by chattycandy
Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate flirts.

A guy can like Du for a minute, and then forget Du afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

"Are Du doing something?" oder "Have Du eaten already?" are the first usual Fragen a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all Tag but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics....
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When I don't understand a word, I always go to link to see their silly definitions before I consult an actual dictionary.
I spent some time searching up words, and some of the definitions were hilarious! So here ya go, some of the definitions I found interesting/funny:

link
There's a lot of definitions. My fave one is:
'A place where young, innocent, defencless children are kept prisoner and forced to learn useless stuff like algebra that won't count for fuck when they're old enough to get employed....
multiply out the brackets...
2a(3m+2p+12k-12-90)
...would someone like to explain to me...WHAT...
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posted by yukikiyruu
Sleeping Beauty: Perfect for the sleepyheads.
Dolly Wholly: This name is perfect for the well-dressed girl.
Honey Bunny: Ideal for your playful girlfriend.
Cutsie Wootsie: This cute name is excellent to say when Du are pinching her cheeks with both hands.
Pretty Eyes: If your girlfriend has crystal-clear, beautiful eyes, then Du may call her Von this cute name.
Princess: It is a perfect name for your girlfriend, if she has that little girl spirit.
Pumpkin: This name can be used for casual moments.
Doll Face: This name is perfect for a girl with a cute face.
Beautiful: It is a simple but effective...
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posted by happyfreak
A friend of mine has another friend that is addicted to meth. She found this and gave it to her friend. She then gave me a copy because she sagte it was sad and cared enough to let me know what meth is and does.

This poem was written Von a young Indiana girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to Meth. She wrote this while in jail. As Du will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her...
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posted by smileypop9
Million has 6 zeros
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
---------------------------
posted by spunkyonyx
If Du have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, Du have $1.19. Du also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the lincoln Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest Zufällig speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once...
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posted by coolkatstar
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. Du can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil oder paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever Du really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!


FIRST QUESTION: Du are participating in a race. Du overtake the Sekunde person. What position are Du in?
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-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

ANSWER: If Du answer that Du are first, then Du are absolutely wrong! If Du overtake the Sekunde person and Du take his place, Du are second! Try not to screw up in the Weiter question.

To answer the Sekunde question, don't take as much
time as Du took for the first question.

SECOND...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Hey guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the Quelle if available. Any others Du may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have Mehr zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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1. Bewegen the refrigerator into the bathroom (preferably in the bath tub)

2. Hang outside from an upstairs window

3. Bewegen all of your furniture into their room and when they return home, insist that your imaginary friend needed some personal Weltraum so Du have to Bewegen into their room

4. Decorate the roof with glitter and ketchup.

5. Carve the lyrics of Elmo's song into every tree.

6. Mow the lawn in certain places to create the word 'pie'

7. Memorize pi, then illustrate it on a large sheet of paper insisting that your mother hangs it on the fridge.

8. Replace all 'grade A' papers hung up on the fridge...
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posted by Mel4ever
GIrls only (or gay guys..) yea both So Du have to read this now....haha for girls eyes only here all girls! Hey girls! IF YOU'RE A BOY, LEAVE THIS CUZ IT RUINS EVERYTHING GIRL TALK: Did Du know Küssen is healthy. It's good to cry. Chicken suppe actually makes Du feel better. 94% of boys would Liebe it if Du sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. Only apply mascara to your oben, nach oben lashes. It's actually true, boys DO insult Du when they like you! 89% of guys want Du to make the 1st move. Ya but 99.99% of girls want guys to make the first move. Schokolade will make Du feel better! Most...
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posted by catgirl140
79 Things to do in an Elevator (Soooo funny)

1. Crack open your aktentasche, aktenkoffer oder handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the Wand without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him oder her to call Du Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I...
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